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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24109687">No longer so vain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveFANFic/pseuds/ILoveFANFic'>ILoveFANFic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awesome Dean Winchester, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Because he had a crush on him, Bottom Dean Winchester, Brand manager Dean, But he wasn't ready for that conversation, But he's a little (a lot) insecure when it comes to Cas, CFO Castiel, Castiel and Dean Winchester Get Married, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Saps, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel and Dean date, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time Having Sex, Characters: John Mary and Sam Winchester, Chuck Naomi Michael Gabriel Novak, Dean and Castiel's Wedding, Dean was a dick to Cas in High School, Dirty Talk, Discussion of kinks, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hs reunion, Kid Fic, Kinda, Kissing, M/M, Marking, OCs - Freeform, Openly Bisexual Dean Winchester, Openly Gay Castiel (Supernatural), POV Alternating, POV Castiel (Supernatural), POV Dean Winchester, Praise Kink, Revenge fic, Romantic dates, Second Chances, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Some Humor, Special need kid, Tattooed Castiel (Supernatural), Tattooed Dean Winchester, Teasing, The following tags are for the epilogue alone:, They both work in green economy, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Very very mild D/s undertones, balthazar - Freeform, benny - Freeform, charlie - Freeform, dadstiel, safe sex, sex fantasies, they meet again as adults</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:27:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,033</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24109687</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveFANFic/pseuds/ILoveFANFic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester was your classic top dog in high school. Star of the football team, chased by all the girls, and a few boys too, he lived his golden years as a ladies man and a worshipped king. Older now, grown into a man who’s profoundly embarrassed when he thinks about what his younger self used to say and do, he’s comfortably bisexual and a completely different person than he used to be.</p><p>When he meets at a conference one of the boys – now a smoldering hot and powerful man – who had a crush on him in high school and who he had treated horribly, Dean really hopes he’ll be given a second chance. Because handsome, sexy, kind, smart Castiel Novak is the one that got away.</p><p>And Castiel? Castiel is gonna enjoy this chance to get back at Dean Winchester for his horrible behavior in high school immensely and he’s gonna make him work hard to make up for it. And he will not be distracted by - or fall again for - the stupid freckles and the stupid pouty lips and the stupid bottle green eyes and the stupid smile that can outshine the sun. Absolutely. Not.</p><p>Or will he?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>650</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Destiel Fan Survey Favs Collection</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. “Hello, Dean”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>As the very uncreative title suggests, this fic is based on ‘You’re So Vain’ by Carly Simon, specifically its first stanza</p><p>You walked into the party<br/>Like you were walking on a yacht<br/>Your hat strategically dipped below one eye<br/>Your scarf, it was apricot<br/>You had one eye on the mirror<br/>And watched yourself gavotte<br/>And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner<br/>They'd be your partner</p><p>Thing is, this song came up on my Spotify one day in January as I was in the shower and these lyrics, and the last two lines in particular, screamed ‘Dean’s cocky persona in high school’ to me. From there, a 1970s song which - I found doing research - is actually about Warren Beatty of all people, became a story of personal growth, wrong assumptions, second chances, self doubt and a little sweet revenge. And it somehow also became a chance for me to share my love for New York, a city that will forever be in my heart.</p><p>The fic is 40k+, completed, and I will post once a week. </p><p>Hope you guys enjoy 😊😘 </p><p>As always, please feel free to come talk to me in the comments, I'll absolutely love it if you do ❤️</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Another conference. The third one this year. The second one this trimester. Castiel is frankly more than a little done. Unlike many of his coworkers, he hates going to conferences. Between the sessions and the networking, he can’t ever find the time to visit the city where the conference takes place either, which would at least partially make up for having to attend the event itself. No, he has to spend days on end with people he scarcely ever likes, and the trip as a whole distracts him from whatever he’s working on at home at the moment, which annoys him immensely. He likes to stay focused and finish something once he’s started it, and having to leave something halfway done to travel out of town for a conference always irritates him.</p><p>It isn’t helping that this specific conference sucks. It’s the kind of gathering that <em>used to</em> be interesting and innovative, but, once it became a must-go, it stopped being a pioneering event and became an opportunity for established people and companies to peacock around the place. Powerful businesspeople shaking other powerful businesspeople’s hands to reassure each other just how powerful they are with each handshake. If you are somebody – anybody – in the field of renewable energy and neighboring areas, you make sure to be here, plain and simple.</p><p>Castiel hates it. The hubris and entitlement that characterize this and similar events. The demonstration, clear as day, that most of these people have forgotten what all of this is really about. Finding sustainable ways of living to guarantee the survival of the human species on this planet by giving their one and only home a little respite from the uncontrolled exploitation of its natural resources that is sending it to the brink.</p><p>“The earth is hotter than Brad Pitt”, Castiel had read in one of the many posters held by a kid in a picture taken during one of the FridayforFuture strikes that had been shared on his Twitter timeline. It had made him smile at the time, as witty as it was. But it wasn’t funny, not really. It was absolutely true, and terrifying.</p><p>And his company and the companies these men and women work at are supposed to be focusing on fighting that. On finding innovative, sustainable solutions to deal with such things as the greenhouse effect and climate change. That’s why Castiel gets up every morning and goes to work.</p><p>He isn’t a saint – it’s not like he doesn’t get anything in return. Quite the opposite, in fact, since he makes a lot of money out of it. He can’t deny that, nor is he ashamed of it. Partly because he invests a huge part of his own money in green start-ups he considers promising, to maximize the chances someone will come up with helpful solutions. And partly because he has always firmly believed that honest work deserves to be rewarded.</p><p>As a result, he leads a comfortable life. He doesn’t want for anything, and his family and closest friends don’t want for anything either. But he also makes sure to live as low impact a life as possible, as comfortable as it is, aided by all the latest developments in the green living research field, which help him find a good balance between not having to give up on his comforts completely and not exploiting more resources than strictly necessary.</p><p>These are the reasons why he worked hard to become the CFO of one of the largest companies in the field of renewable energy in the country. Not to be able to get powerful and powerful and parade that power around with his tail fanned. He isn’t interested in displays of power of any kind. He, simply, doesn’t give a rat’s ass about that.</p><p>He fought tooth and nail to get to his position because he is well aware that a fish rots from the head down. And if he wanted to work in a company that actually has moral standards and upholds those standards, he reasoned, he had to make sure he’d become one of the heads of the fish in question. If you want something done well, do it yourself, right?</p><p>Now he does have a say on important decisions, such as that, <em>yes</em>, it is OK to invest so much money on research and development rather than banking on revenues, or that revenues are better reinvested in becoming a living role model and providing all their buildings with solar panels and water fountains and 100% recyclable office supplies. Or that investing on funding a green education program in primary and middle schools in the state isn’t just a deductible expense and a golden choice in terms of PR, but also the <em>right</em> thing to do, because if people are educated from a young age, the chances they’ll become responsible and respectful adults increase exponentially.</p><p>The dark side of the coin is that, to be able to do and have all that, he does have to put on a good face and act the CFO part, both at headquarters and when traveling as a representative for his company.</p><p>It goes without saying that Castiel despises that particular aspect of the compromise with a passion. So much so he’s known among his colleagues and competitors as a big-headed jerk. As much as he tries to be good at networking, the only way he knows to avoid making it <em>perspicuous</em> how much he dislikes certain people or behaviors is to put up a stoic mask and keep a blank expression. No reaction is better than disgust, he believes. That doesn’t exactly make him win brownie points as the most charming, amicable or hilarious of them all, Castiel knows that. He figures he’d be out of a job pretty quickly if he truly said what’s on his mind though, so he’ll take his reputation as a snotty know-it-all who looks down on people any day. That reputation prevents certain kinds of people from approaching him after all, so he can’t exactly say he’s oh so sorry about it. And those he does business with regularly know who he truly is and can’t be bothered to lend an ear to what the chatty Cathys who have taken up permanent residence in the grapevine have to say about him.</p><p>It’s really not surprising then that Castiel has tried to reason, then plead, then bribe his way out of this shindig. But, in his position, he simply wasn’t allowed to escape this torture.</p><p>‘At least the food is better than last year, and more copious too. They must have changed the catering service, finally,’ is what’s going through his mind while he’s tasting the finger food at the welcome reception, one of the events of the “social program” of the conference delegates are not obliged, but are expected, to attend, so everyone knows who has showed up, and who hasn’t.</p><p>He’s not exactly eager to start a conversation with anyone. His very presence is more than enough to signal that, yes, Castiel Novak is here. Other than eating something and doing a countdown in his head from 2000, waiting for the moment it’ll be socially acceptable for him to excuse himself and go get some necessary shut eye before the official opening tomorrow morning, he doesn’t feel pressured to have any more active a role.</p><p>He doubts anybody is dying to talk to him anyway. They’ll all find a moment to exchange a few words in the next few days, because they cannot not do that and neither can he, but people aren’t exactly in line to meet and greet him before they absolutely have to.</p><p>Correction.</p><p>Someone <em>is</em> clearly determined to speak to him, if the confident stride of the gorgeous man walking in his direction and his eager green eyes and even more eager smile aren’t deceiving him.</p><p>Castiel would be more than a little invested, and little Castiel more than a little onboard, in being the focus of such a handsome man’s interest, if the handsome man in question wasn’t one of the most despicable people on the planet.</p><p>So he plasters the fakest of smiles on his face, gets the big guns ready – you don’t get to occupy Castiel’s position if you don’t have a huge brain and an uncanny ability to beat into submission those who dare cross you, and aren’t afraid to use either, or both, when needed – and steels himself before addressing the slimy individual approaching him.</p><p>“Hello, Dean.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. “Castiel?”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean and Castiel meet again for the first time after more than a decade.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As always, thank you everyone who read, left kudos, commented or bookmarked Ch. 1. You guys are the sweetest and I appreciate you so much ❤️</p><p>There's a change in POV in this chapter: we see things from Dean's viewpoint this time, including his memories of what he did in high school.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Castiel? Castiel Novak?”</p><p>Dean knows he probably looks like an oversized and overeager puppy, but he couldn’t give any less of a damn. Because right in front of him is Castiel Novak. The one that got away. Well, the one that his embarrassing, mean, stupid, spoilt, mean, scared, confused, mean, big-headed, cruel – and let’s not forget <em>mean –</em> teenage self had <em>sent</em> away.</p><p>“I’m surprised you remember my name. Or learned how to pronounce it.”</p><p>As if Dean could ever forget that name, or that face, or those lips, or those eyes.</p><p>Or that voice. Someone up in heaven must love him, for some reason Dean can’t begin to understand, because fifteen whole years haven’t altered the deep timbre of the voice that has provided the soundtrack to so many of his (more or less wet) dreams. A voice that Dean has stolen from countless eavesdropped conversations, because they have never even talked to each other. Well, Dean never let Castiel talk to him. But he himself did plenty of talking that he wished more than anything he could take back. And the verbal jab Castiel just served him with is evidence that he’s not the only one who remembers that little speech clearly.</p><p>Honestly, sometimes Dean wishes he could just forget. Wipe away all the memories of his past self. But no, they cling to his brain and aren’t going to let go any time soon. He can still recall the way he would walk into the school like he owned the place. And in a way, he did. Being the star of the football team meant he was worshipped and feared in equal measure. And he did nothing to change that. Quite the opposite, he milked that cow for all its worth. He would swagger through the hallways, always accompanied by some hot cheerleader and some of the guys on the team, and enjoyed how the other students would part like the Red Sea to let them pass. And he enjoyed keeping an eye on the glasses of the classroom doors, or the mirrors in the restrooms. Officially, it was to make sure his hair was still as carefully styled as he wanted it and that there was nothing amiss in his outfit. But in reality it was to fully appreciate all the eyes following him from every direction. Hungry, envious, awed.</p><p>A pair of eyes never failed to be accounted for. Forget-me-not blues like Dean had never seen before, or after. Forget-me-not blues that Dean has, indeed, never managed to forget. Dean’s green eyes aren’t half bad, but he’s honestly always been a bit envious of those blue orbs. They were never hungry, envious or awed though. They were attentive, focused, like Dean was a secret to unravel. And they would always be immediately averted when caught. Dean liked the attention, no matter that it came from a boy. Blue-eyes wasn’t the first boy that had looked at Dean with more than veiled interest. Dean didn’t find it annoying, he was actually flattered. He was so much in denial back then that he justified it to himself by thinking that he really had to be the shit, if both girls and boys would drop to their knees for him. That didn’t explain while he started asking around until he found out those blue eyes belonged to one Castiel Novak, a senior. That emboldened Dean even more. A senior had a crush on a junior. His ego just about grew fours sizes. But that still couldn’t explain, or justify, how Dean could start toying with him like he did. He would deliberately search and hold Castiel’s gaze in the crowd until he would submit and avert his eyes. He would smile cockily and even wink at him from time to time. He took to kissing girls in public, which he hadn’t done so much before, not being a fan of PDA, whenever he realized Castiel was around. He would keep his eyes open while he was kissing those girls and fix them on the older boy, reveling in the way the intensity of Castiel’s gaze inevitably turned into furious <em>jealousy</em>.</p><p>It all came to a halt one Thursday late afternoon.</p><p>Dean had forgotten some stuff in the locker room and went to retrieve it. When he got there, alone, bare-chested, sweated, with a mess of damp hair going in whichever direction stood Castiel Novak. It was no secret that, even though he had refused to join the track team, Castiel used the tracks to run long miles for his own enjoyment. Dean couldn’t begin to understand why one would put all that effort into something without wanting any glory in return.</p><p>It all happened in a flash. One moment Dean was watching Castiel watch him with wide eyes and mouth opening and closing like a fish’s, and the next he had him crowded against the lockers at his back, enjoying how Castiel was frozen on the spot, clearly meaning to let Dean set the pace, while his Adam’s apple bobbed to swallow his shock.</p><p>Dean’s present day self knows what that was. It was lust. Pure, unadulterated, unrestrained lust. The sight of those lean but firm glistening muscles, those shoulders, that chest, those abs, those arms had sent Dean’s brain into an immediate short-circuit.</p><p>But that was not something his past self was ready to admit, so what left his mouth was “You should stop checking me out like you <em>always</em> do, if you don’t want everyone else to realize you’re not just jealous of my abs. I honestly don’t care what gets your motor running, but others might.”</p><p>The look of devastation in Castiel’s beautiful, hopeful blue eyes will forever haunt Dean. He knows Castiel had taken Dean’s actions as a sign he was finally making a move. Dean had flirted with Castiel enough for him to reasonably get to that conclusion. Only to crash any hope he might have had with a few chosen words.</p><p>That disappointed look had made him feel like the worst piece of shit on earth. But instead of recognizing it for what it was – his own damn fault – Dean let it push him to be even meaner. Dean felt like shit, so Castiel had to feel even worse. Which is why he tossed over his shoulders on his way back to the exit, “Oh, and take a piece of free advice and stop hurting yourself.”</p><p>He then turned fully, to fix an icy cold stare and a smug smile on the poor boy whose only fault had been to awaken Dean’s most secret desires. “Stop aiming that high. Just pick someone who actually plays in the same league as you, ok Castel?”</p><p>Mispronouncing Castiel’s name had been a new low even for him. He was a spoilt, entitled brat, but he wasn’t usually that disrespectful. He then fucking <em>winked</em> and turned back around to leave the room.</p><p>And to leave Castiel’s eyes behind for good.</p><p>That was the last time that Dean had been able to enjoy how those pools of blue would swipe all over him, until today.</p><p>He kept looking for them, but they never once looked in his direction again. Dean couldn’t seem to stop looking though. He told himself that he was just annoyed because he had lost his plaything. He even admitted to himself that he felt kind of shitty for going too far like he had. Granted, not enough to apologize. But enough that he never let Castiel out of his radar. That’s how he began to notice that Cas – that’s how he started to think of him in his head, and it will never not be hilarious to Dean that not even <em>that</em> was enough to make his teenage self realize <em>something</em> was <em>clearly</em> going on – was always kind with anyone, and had to be extremely funny because his friends would always laugh at what he said. They always laughed with him, never at him. And his whole group never laughed at anyone. They were good people. And Castiel also had to be super smart, because he graduated valedictorian. And if Dean went to see the ceremony making sure he wouldn’t be seen, he told himself he had done that because next year it would be his class and he wanted to see how the whole shindig was supposed to go.</p><p>There are many things Dean regrets and will forever regret. But none of them nearly as much as the way he dealt with – or <em>didn’t</em> deal with – his bisexual awakening and how he walked all over Cas as a result.</p><p>That’s why he did everything in his power to be at this conference. To try and have a chance to apologize and beg for forgiveness. And, if he’s truly honest with to himself, to beg and plead for a second chance.</p><p>Dean <em>really</em> hopes Cas liked that version of him only on a physical basis, because teenage Dean was good looking and hot, but that he disliked teenage Dean’s behavior something fierce. Cas’s behavior after the locker room shitshow makes Dean believe so. <em>Please</em> let it be so.</p><p>Because if Cas really was, or is, into the bad boy thing, Dean can no longer be of service. Dean couldn’t behave like that now, not even for a sexy role play. Whenever he thinks about his high school entitlement, his insides churn with guilt and disappointment. He knows he’ll never truly get over it, and that that particular brand of guilt will always be there. But he’s been working hard to become someone he can be proud of, and he’s not going back, not an inch, not for anything or anyone. Not even for Castiel fucking Novak.</p><p>Cas has always been exceptionally bright though, so Dean doubts he liked the way he acted in high school. It’s much more likely that Cas was a slave to his hormones like any other teenager and was OK with closing an eye on shitty behavior, at least to a certain extent, if it came in exchange for a good fuck with a hot guy.</p><p>God knows Dean has spent the whole of high school banking on that.</p><p>So Dean can only pray that Cas was never really into that type of man, or is into a very different type of man now. It would be the joke of the century if the man Dean’s been dreaming of for <em>15 years</em>, the man who’s been a big part of the motivation that has helped Dean find the strength to better himself and change his mindset and attitude, was into inconsiderate jerks who think life is a joke.</p><p>If Cas truly wanted Dean’s bad boy persona, or just a good fuck with a hot guy, that would probably break Dean’s heart. But Dean needs to know. He knows that, in part because of his guilt, in part because of Cas’s admittedly exceptional looks and personality, and in part because your first real crush will <em>always</em> be your first crush, Dean has idolized Cas. Castiel Novak has become the touchstone Dean’s been comparing any person he’s had any form of romantic or sexual relationship with. Needless to say, none of them have ever been able to hold a candle to him. Which means Dean’s love history is made of month-long, rather than year-long, relationships. Dean needs to <em>know</em>.</p><p>He needs to know if Cas is available, first of all. He knows he’s not married, that would be public knowledge, but he doesn’t know whether he’s in a committed relationship. And, if he isn’t, Dean needs to know if what Cas really wanted then, or now, is Dean’s looks, or if he might be interested in something more. Better still, if he might be interested in something more with <em>him</em>. Because Dean knows that, even if Cas was the hopelessly romantic type who is looking for his one true love to build a life and have a family and kids and a home and a cat and a dog with, the chances he might consider <em>Dean Winchester</em> as a candidate for the role are one in a trillion. If Cas was really looking for something serious, the way Dean acted in high school might cost him any chance of ever convincing the gorgeous man in front of him to even talk to him, let alone give him a second chance and date him.</p><p>This might be his only chance to find out, so... Go big or go home, right?</p><p>“I could never forget you, Castiel. You’re the first man I’ve ever had a crush on.”</p><p>If looks could slice, Dean would be a 10,000 piece puzzle on the floor now.</p><p>Jaw set and eyes cold – those beautiful, beautiful blue eyes Dean has missed <em>so much</em> – Cas replies “They say things scarcely ever change. I see you’re still the delightful individual who mocks people for their sexual orientation. That’s no longer part of ‘being the cool kid’ though. That’s targeted harassment. Goodbye Dean.”</p><p>Dean knows it’s risky as fuck. Castiel Novak is one of the big names in the field, and at this conference. So being seen while he gets into what is very clearly a heated argument with him might cost Dean his career, or land him in jail, if Castiel feels particularly vengeful. Which seems to be the case, if the disdain in his tone and his words are to be trusted. At least Dean can deduce part of his answer just from that. Cas was never interested in bad boys. Dean is lucky he ever even looked his way. But he can’t just let Cas go like that, he needs to at least say one thing first. So he physically blocks Cas’s attempt to walk past him with his hands held up in a placating gesture, paying very close attention not to touch him in any way – because present Dean has a very different appreciation of consent and personal space than his younger self – and hurries to say, “Cas, wait, I’m not mocking you, I swear. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I’m being 100% honest here. I-, I came out as bi during college.”</p><p>That stops Cas. He’s no longer trying to get away, but he’s fixing Dean with a look in between ‘What kind of fuckery is this?’ and ‘If you’re shitting me I will feed you your toenails for dinner.’</p><p>But he’s not trying to speak either, so Dean seizes the chance to add as much information as he can. Even if Cas won’t ever look at him again, Dean needs him to know this. If offering Cas his overdue apology and appeasing his conscience a bit is all Dean can get out of this not-so-chance encounter, it’ll still be so much more than he could have ever hoped for. And, honestly, so much more than he deserves, since he cannot even begin to comprehend how his behavior in high school might have impacted on Cas’s still developing personality. So he pushes on. Better late than never, they say, right?</p><p>“And once I found the courage to admit that to myself and others, it didn’t take too much introspection to also admit that it was you the one who made me realize that. Even though I didn’t have the guts to admit it at the time and acted like an unforgivable jerk about it.”</p><p>Cas is studying him. He seems intrigued, hopeful, wary, pissed and still at least partially ready to bolt all at once.</p><p>“Look, I know I don’t have any right to even ask but, what if we go to the bar across the street and talk? I owe you, at the very least, an apology. We’ve been here long enough already, our duty is done. And if we sit at one of the tables in this room someone is likely to interrupt us. Not to mention that there are way too many gossips around, and we don’t want them to “inadvertently overhear” what we say.”</p><p>Cas’s eyes narrow so much Dean doubts he’s still able to see anything.</p><p>“You aren’t so full of yourself to believe you’re getting lucky tonight, are you? Not with me at least.”</p><p>Ouch. Castiel cut to the chase Novak for you, ladies and gentlemen. Dean is smitten.</p><p>“Believe me Cas, I knew then and I know now that you are <em>way</em> out of my league. But it’s not every day that you can own up to your mistakes and make amends. I learned that makes you a better person, and might also help those you wronged.”</p><p>Then a thought strikes Dean. He still doesn’t know if Castiel is available. He might be here with his partner. It’s always hard to accept whenever Dean realizes his selfishness and ego still rule him, even though he’s been working to try and rein them in for years.</p><p>He can’t help bringing his hand up to rub his neck, his signature nervous gesture, and hastening to add, “I, um, understand you probably have far better plans for the night though.” He could have at least tried to avoid the embarrassed giggle. Smooth like silk, Winchester. “But, ehm, I’m gonna stay for the whole conference. So we might maybe meet one of these nights instead. If-, I mean, if you wanted, that is. Of course.”</p><p>Apparently Dean turns into an overeager, giggling <em>and</em> babbling idiot when he gets a chance to talk with Castiel Novak.</p><p>Cool. Great. <em>Fucking A+.</em></p><p>“No. Now is a good time, let’s go.” Cas abandons his glass on one of the tables on his way out and walks away without turning to make sure he’s been followed. That’s one man who <em>knows</em> he’ll always be followed when he decides to lead. He’s the natural born leader Dean could only fake being in high school. Dean is <em>beyond</em> smitten.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you guys enjoyed the update! I'm aiming to post Ch. 3 on Friday next week, and we'll see then how their little chat goes 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. “We are the protectors of our planet.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Castiel and Dean have their first conversation in...ever.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>First off, the usual heartfelt thanks to everyone who's read and left kudos or comments or subscribed/bookmarked so far. I know that many people tend to avoid WIPs in the fear they won't be finished, so I really appreciate the trust you're putting in this and me ❤️ *throws  cookies at you as a token of gratitude*</p><p>Now please enjoy these two having their first convo ever and Dean shedding a bit more light on his teenage self's actions. Also, it's time for an apology.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Castiel’s blossomed into a hot, smart, and powerful man. Dean kinda knew that already, and he knew he hadn’t idolized that part. He’s seen pictures of Cas at conferences or fundraisers, and he knew he had aged into an extremely handsome and elegant man. He also knows you don’t get as high as Castiel’s got, especially not when you are that young, without a big brain and an ability to handle power with care and bring that power along wherever you go. Powerful people know they are powerful, and know how to exercise that power on others. Dean knows that first hand, considering how much he abused the power his social status gave him in high school.</p><p>Looking at Cas now, Dean can see every bit of the “infuriatingly smart, big-headed, high and mighty know-it-all” Dean’s colleagues have described him as. But Dean knows something they don’t. Dean knows Cas has always been one to keep his head down and do his work without expecting praise or a crowning. He knows Castiel does what he believes to be right and refuses to do anything his conscience wouldn’t allow him to do. Those strong values have been there ever since he was a kid. It is not a mask, and it is not a ruse. It is the very core of who Cas is. What is remarkably different is that there is not a single trace left of that scared, insecure boy who was probably still figuring out his own sexuality – Dean knows for sure Cas graduated without any big coming out – and was unable to be strong in the face of the boy he liked.</p><p>The way Cas is looking at Dean now, sitting comfortably across from him with a hand around his whiskey glass, which he’s nursing with small, unhurried sips, makes it crystal clear he’s nothing if not cool as a cucumber. He’s not afraid of Dean, or this meeting. On the contrary, he’s acting like a predator who knows they have lured their prey in and have them exactly where they want them. Cas has accepted to meet Dean only to see whether he would hang himself with the little rope Cas’s gonna give him.</p><p>Dean needs to tread very, very, very lightly. He’s been thinking about that afternoon in the locker room for the last fifteen years. He doesn’t want to have to think about this evening for the next fifteen.</p><p>He supposes starting with some catching up is as good an icebreaker as any.</p><p>“So, CFO of Onyx Renewable Partners, eh?”</p><p>“Someone did their homework, I see.”</p><p>Dean can’t help but chuckle. “Well, you guys are pretty renowned in our field. And no offense Cas, but-“</p><p>“Castiel.”</p><p>Ouch. Strike one. Damnit. “Right, sorry.” He smiles sheepishly, which causes exactly zero reactions from Cas. Dean’s got his work cut out for him with this man. “As, um, I was saying, your company is renowned and, no offense, but Castiel Novak isn’t exactly the most common of names. I couldn’t believe it when I started working in this field and realized I might have a chance to meet you again one day.”</p><p>Dean’s smile freezes when he hears Castiel’s reply.</p><p>“I can’t say the feeling is mutual. I had no idea we worked in the same field. And I wasn’t exactly holding my breath waiting to meet you again.”</p><p>Dean knows he deserves this, and more. It doesn’t make it any easier to hear it. “I totally deserve that.”</p><p>He tries to rein in his sad, resigned smile, he really does. He doesn’t want to play the victim here, or seem like that’s what he’s doing, or guilt trip Cas – <em>Castiel</em> – into giving him anything less than what the man thinks Dean deserves. But he <em>is</em> sad, he can’t help it. Dean’s waited to see this man again for so long. And this is the first time they’re actually having a conversation. The first time Cas-<em>tiel</em>’s hot as fuck voice is for Dean, and Dean alone. And what Dean did when he was young, and stupid, and scared, and mean, is making it so that the only thing Castiel can bring to the table is contempt.</p><p>He’s not ready to give up just yet though. Dean will take this jab and anything else he needs to take to make sure he’s done literally anything he could to earn a second chance. If he doesn’t get one, he will at least know he’s not taken the coward route this time and hasn’t raised the white flag without even trying to engage.</p><p>So he steels himself and keeps trying. “I was hoping to meet you at this conference instead. I might have bribed my colleagues to let me come in their place, when I checked the list of participants and saw you attended the last four years in a row.”</p><p>That gets a reaction from Cas. <em>Castiel</em>. A micro reaction, in fact. Just a slight raise in his eyebrows. If Dean wasn’t paying so much attention, he would have missed it. First base for Dean.</p><p>“That’s stalking,” Castiel decides to go with, a small frown on his face.</p><p>Dean chuckles again. “I’d rather call it not sitting on your ass waiting for your life to happen.”</p><p>Castiel is paying more attention now, studying him with intent for the first time. Dean can see a small glimpse of the attention that those eyes used to always reserve for him when he was a kid. Castiel hums noncommittally though and asks “So, what is it that you do anyway?”</p><p>That’s the first time Castiel asks him a question. So far, he’s only ever replied, and hasn’t shown any signs of actually being interesting in taking active part in this conversation. Progress, right?</p><p>“Brand manager for the renewable energy division of General Motors. Close to home. Kansas City.”</p><p>“You? Green cars? The football star riding that moving ecological disaster to school every day?”</p><p>A warm feeling spreads through Dean’s chest at the thought that Castiel had noticed that about him in high school. A cold feeling follows, when that also reminds him of how much they could have shared but never got to experience because of Dean’s behavior.</p><p>No time to dwell on that now. They have this present chance. Dean better not fuck it up.</p><p>“Hey, Baby is a lady!” He replies, going for fake indignation.</p><p>“Are you quoting <em>Dirty Dancing</em> to me, Winchester? Who is ‘Baby’?”</p><p>Dean can’t start thinking about Cas being goddamn cute when he uses finger quotes or he’ll lose all his concentration.</p><p>“My car,” Dean replies, looking – and feeling – slightly embarrassed at having taken it for granted Castiel knew that, even though they were never that close. He might have secretly hoped Cas had taken the time to learn everything he could about Dean in high school. Much like Dean himself had done with Castiel. “And yes, she isn’t exactly eco-friendly, but means a lot to me and my family. My dad still has her, but doesn’t exactly drive her all that often anymore. He usually takes my mum’s very ecological car.”</p><p>“So what made you get into the green field?”</p><p>The second question Castiel’s ever asked him, and he chooses to go with the one question that could make it or break it.</p><p>Dean might lie. But that would bring him nowhere. If Castiel gives him a second chance, and that is a monumental if, the truth would come out sooner or later, and ruin everything. Dean knows that when you get a second chance after hurting someone, you spend <em>a lot</em> of time on probation, and any little lie or mistake might be taken as evidence that they were right the first time and should have never given you the time of day a second time.</p><p>So with the truth he goes. “You did, actually.”</p><p>Castiel is looking at him with a ‘that’s rich’ expression. “What could I have possibly had do to with it? We haven’t met in over a decade.”</p><p>“Fifteen years,” Dean corrects immediately. Only to realize a second too late how eager and pathetic that makes him sound. Whatever. It’s true. He is eager and pathetic for this man.</p><p>He clears his throat without daring to take his eyes off his soda glass. “It was something you said during your valedictorian speech.”</p><p>Go big or go home, right? He’s already made an ass of himself a million times over by now. What harm can quoting Castiel’s speech to him, after fifteen years, do? “We are no longer the kids in need of guidance and protection. From this day forward, <em>we</em> are the protectors. Of ourselves, of our values, of our people, of our planet.”</p><p>Silence. If Dean never glances up, the look of pity Castiel is certainly regarding him with now will never have happened, right?</p><p>“Dean, look at me.”</p><p>Dean’s head snaps up before he even registers the words. Castiel is giving him his undivided attention alright. But there is no pity in his eyes. Only the sharpest of focuses. “You weren’t there the day I graduated.”</p><p>“I was.”</p><p>“You were.”</p><p>“I was.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because!”</p><p>Dean takes a deep breathe. Go big or go home. The truth or nothing. Dean is no longer the person who lies or manipulates. When asked a direct question, he replies truthfully now. And Lord knows Castiel deserves the truth, finally.</p><p>“I told you. I had a crush on you. Even though I couldn’t admit that to myself, or you, at the time.” He snorts derisively and adds, “I told myself I went to watch the graduation because the following year it would be my turn, so I would be prepared.” He drops his gaze again, shaking his head and smiling sadly. “Of course, that was a decision I conveniently made only after it was announced that you’d be valedictorian.”</p><p>There’s a lull in the conversation then, and Dean chances a quick look up. Castiel is showing no signs of emotion whatsoever. But his attention is fully on Dean. Dean, who has put off the most important thing he came here to do long enough. “Castiel, I am <em>so</em> sorry for being so mean in high school, I-“</p><p>“If you’re about to tell me the sad story of how you were abused at home, please spare me. That still wouldn’t have given you the right to take it out on others.”</p><p>That shocks Dean enough that he stares at Castiel wide-eyed for a few seconds, opening and closing his mouth a couple of times. “Abused at home? Man, my family couldn’t be more loving and supportive if they tried. I came out to them on the first day of spring break in my third year of college. Next thing I know, my mom is signing up both my parents for the next meeting of PFLAG and my baby brother is commenting that “I am so greedy I couldn’t even leave one gender to those poor bastards who don’t look like me”.” Dean’s smile and handshake are far less sad now. That’s actually one of the memories he’s more fond of. One that has helped him get himself out of a funk more times than he can count.</p><p>“So, no, I have no sad story. I was just a spoiled brat who had everything he wanted and had won the genetic pool, and enjoyed far too much how easy and cool it was to be king. I’ve learned growing up that it is only cool to be king when you actually deserve it. That’s when people really look up to you, respect you, help you, support you. I’ve learned honesty and kindness are the keys in the world of adults, if you wanna have meaningful relationships rather than an uninterrupted string of fake friends.”</p><p>He takes another deep breath and raises his head. He doesn’t want to do this as a meek little thing. Whatever the outcome, he will do this like the man he is now. Aware that he might be sent packing with a wave of Castiel’s hand, but determined to try anyway. He‘s no longer the kid who faked self-confidence. He’s a man that does what he thinks is right even when he‘s afraid of failure or rejection. It took him some time, but Dean’s finally learned <em>that</em> is what true self-confidence looks like. At least to him.</p><p>“And it took me years and some exploration to realize the reason why I poked at your crush for me like that was because I was flattered and I liked to see you jealous because I am actually bi as fuck. And the reason why I was so mean to you was because I was scared shitless of what just being in the same room as you made me feel.”</p><p>Castiel starts opening his mouth, no doubt to object, so Dean hurries to add the missing piece. “Which is not a justification. Not one that means something anyway. I can only say I was young, and stupid, and confused, and scared. And that I am so very, truly sorry. There is <em>nothing</em> I regret more than what I did and said in that locker room.”</p><p>He falls silent then, and stares at Castiel. Letting him look into his eyes, and trying to convey all the honesty behind those words.</p><p>Castiel doesn’t reply. Not verbally anyway. But he nods. It’s barely a dip of his head. But, to Dean, it’s like the rainbow after the most dangerous of storms.</p><p>So the first part of his mission has been accomplished. Now the second part. Go big or go home.</p><p>“Castiel, I am not that person anymore. And I haven’t stopped thinking about you a single day in the last fifteen years. And I would give anything for a chance to prove it to you.”</p><p>Castiel’s gaze turns calculating in a split second. There he is again, the predator. “I appreciate the sentiment, but that might be a little difficult, when I live in New York.”</p><p>No better time to tell Castiel. “I figured as much, considering you had to be living where the headquarters of your company are. But, um, I’m actually about to move to New York. I got a promotion and will start there in two months.”</p><p>Castiel hums. Dean knows what he’s thinking. That he’s trying to manipulate him. Dean would think the same, if he were Castiel. Dean holds his breath and prays to every deity out there that not telling Castiel sooner about him moving to New York won’t cost him his chance.</p><p>Castiel downs his drink, stands up and buttons his suit jacket. Then he takes out his wallet and Dean prepares for what is about to happen. Castiel throwing a fifty on the table, definitely too much for their drinks but enough to make the point that he’s so higher than Dean on the social ladder Dean can’t even see him from down there, and leave, probably without a word. Dean supposes that being treated like a cheap whore and left behind in a random bar is no more and no less than what he deserves.</p><p>What Castiel puts on the table, however, is not money. It’s his business card. “This number here is the direct line to my office. You can call anytime between 8am and 4pm Monday to Friday. Call this number when you’ve settled in New York and we’ll see if we can arrange a meeting. Goodbye Dean.”</p><p>With that, he turns around and heads for the door, leaving Dean staring at the piece of paper on the table as if it was the Pond of Happiness, as he lets out a laugh that is 30% relieved, 30% disbelieving and 40% utterly joyful.</p><p>The time to move to New York can’t come fast enough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The companies mentioned really exist, this chapter marks the beginning of the many, many, many google searches I did for this fic lol </p><p>For those of you who are worried Castiel will forgive Dean too soon, fear not: no forgiveness is granted in the next chapter. Or the following one. Or the following one 😬</p><p>Dean's got a lot to prove and Castiel is nothing if not a demanding man 😉</p><p>Next chapter up on Thursday 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. New York, New York</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean moves to New York and he and Cas meet again.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You guys, this is the beginning of the long(er) chapters. I apologize profusely. When I read a fic, I couldn't care less about chapter length. Turns out when *I* am the author, I obsess about having chapters of similar length. It worked with Wrap You Up, but it just didn't with this one. Some chapters are just so much longer than others, but splitting them just didn't work, so, here we are, I'm afraid.  </p><p>Also, I started writing this fic around Christmas, way before the craziness we are living started, so this chapter and the following ones feature a lot of New York scenarios. I apologize in advance if that triggers anyone &lt;3</p><p>As usual, thanks for the love so far, and I hope you guys like the update!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“God, I need a shower,” Dean can’t help but think the moment he puts the last of his boxes down on the floor of his new apartment. Thankfully the elevator works just fine in the building, but it still took him more than one trip to bring all his stuff from his car to his new place. His arms hurt quite a bit and his t-shirt is drenched in sweat and basically glued to his flesh. It doesn’t really help that New York is a damn furnace today, with the last of summer clearly meaning to cling to the city at any cost.</p><p>Dean takes a look around. At the mess of boxes populating what is supposed to be the living room of his sparsely furnished new apartment. In New York City. Where Dean has just moved. After saying goodbye to his family and friends and colleagues in Kansas City. Because working his ass off has paid off and he was offered a promotion, which he promptly accepted even though it required him to move to the East coast. In fact, it would probably be more honest to say that he had accepted it <em>because</em> it required him to move to the East coast. Where he knew Castiel had to live.</p><p>Dean knew then and knows now how crazy that is. The very idea of leaving everything behind to chase after the dream of a life with a man he hadn’t seen since his junior year of high school and who still probably hated him was completely nuts.</p><p>But it was precisely the fact that he <em>still</em> had that dream after so long that made him realize he had to do something about it. Either he gave it up, or he tried and make it happen. He no longer could live in that weird sort of limbo he had been stuck in all those years. A limbo in which he was content, with a good family and good friends, a job he loved and some quality time with a few nice people he dated for a few weeks, or months, but that he would inevitably ditch because, at the end of the day, they weren’t <em>him</em>.</p><p>So he had already decided he would take the job, and move to New York. And then he found out about the possibility of attending the conference, and the very high chance of meeting Castiel there.</p><p>He had done everything in his power to convince his senior colleagues to let him go, set as they were to take the opportunity to leave work behind for a few days – as if attending the conference wasn’t about work too. He had to promise to bring them coffee every morning for a month and even take up some of their most time-consuming and frankly boring as fuck assignments before they relented. Honestly, Dean had got away with it way more easily than he had thought he would. He was prepared to wash their cars for a couple of weeks. He suspects his colleagues realized it was something he really wanted and that they let him off the hook relatively easy because they kinda liked him. See, young Dean? That’s what you get for treating people with respect. They don’t make you wash their cars.</p><p>But when he finally saw Cas again, the first thought he had was that he’d have washed all of their cars, inside and out, and even waxed them, wearing pink panties with a puffy white tail and a headband with rabbit ears too, if that had been what it took to have that. The chance to at least look at Cas from up close. Because he had seen his fair share of pictures of him, official ones. The one on his company website, the ones released after conferences or charity events. But to see him again for real, while being in the same room, was definitely the first step of his dream coming true.</p><p>Talking to him then, even sitting down at the same table and actually having a chance to apologize had been step two. They hadn’t spent any more time together during the conference, Castiel always busy with the other all-powerful executives. They spotted and nodded each other hello a couple of times, but Castiel remained cold and guarded the whole time. Dean couldn’t honestly blame him.</p><p>But Cas had given him his phone number, so now, two months later, step three would begin.</p><p>He had originally thought he’d at least open the boxes containing his toilet and kitchen supplies and his underwear, and possibly take a shower, before calling him. But Dean can’t wait any longer. It’s been 8 weeks already, he needs to call right the fuck now.</p><p>Even though the business card he was given seems legit enough, Dean not so lowkey suspects Cas might have given him the wrong contact information, so it’s with bated breath, crossed fingers and a prayer on his lips that he dials the number.</p><p>“Castiel Novak’s office, how may I help?” a woman’s voice replies. So the number <em>is</em> the correct one, and Dean’s probably about to speak with Cas’s secretary. Whom he might have instructed not to put Dean through, so Dean tries not to get too carried away just yet.</p><p>“Um, yes, hi. I mean, hello. I’m Dean. Winchester. May I, um, speak with Cas-tiel? I mean, with Mr. Novak?”</p><p>Great. If she is any good at her job, she might have license to screen Cas’s calls herself and make sure the weirdos never get to speak with her boss. And Dean has just earned himself the title of weirdo of the year.</p><p>The slightly longer silence before she replies “One moment, please” only confirms Dean’s suspicion that she’s, at the very least, a little baffled.</p><p>Facepalming and silently cursing for his <em>stupidity</em> are the only things Dean can do while he’s on hold.</p><p>“Mr. Winchester?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Mr. Novak cannot take any calls at the moment.”</p><p>“Oh.” Well, it’s not like Dean was really hoping that Cas would give him a second chance, he knew it was a super long shot-</p><p>“He’s busy with a Skype call right now. But he wants you to know that if you call again at 3.30 pm sharp, he’ll probably be free.”</p><p>Either’s Cas is toying with him the way Dean had toyed with him in his school, or he’s actually busy and giving him, indeed, a chance. Castiel <em>is</em> a busy man. Busy and CFO are basically synonyms. But even if he was toying with Dean, Dean’s not gonna give up yet. At best, he’s gonna get to meet him again. At worst, it’s gonna be a hard-learnt lesson. Either way, he’s gonna have an answer.</p><p>“OK. I’ll call back at 3.30. Sharp. Thank you,” he forces himself to reply before clicking the end button. His breathing’s a little quicker and there’s a slight tremor in his hands. He’s a nervous wreck. He can’t help it. He’s here now, and he’s gonna stay here and build a life for himself and work his ass off, and turn this place into his apartment, and explore the city. He’s gonna do all that. But god it’d be so much better if he didn’t have to do all that alone, and could do it with Castiel by his side. He <em>wants</em> to do all of that with Castiel by his side. More than anything.</p><p>But it’s not something he can force, and he’s not the only one who can decide. Quite the opposite, in fact. He knows the reins are in Castiel’s hands, at least until he won’t have a chance to fully realize Dean <em>is</em> a different person now.</p><p>Ten past two. He’s got one hour and twenty minutes. Start unpacking and taking a quick shower it is then, Dean thinks as he gets up from the couch and heads for the box of toiletries to start the process of doing just that.</p><p>Opening boxes and finding the right place to store his stuff in is exactly the kind of menial job he needs to do right now to keep himself occupied and not go crazy or, worse, work himself into a panic that will inevitably make him chicken out. The lukewarm water is also a blessing for both his body and mind. He feels refreshed and more clear-minded when he's done with his shower and walks toward the couch where his mobile is waiting for him.</p><p>Unlocking the screen shows him that he has a few messages, all replies to the texts he had sent to his family and closest friends earlier, to let everyone know he had got to New York safe and sound and was in the process of settling in.</p><p>Checking the time tells him he doesn’t have time to reply though, as it’s 3 minutes to 3.30. He will not call late. In fact, he will call at 3.29, so it’ll be 3.30 by the time Castiel’s secretary puts him through.</p><p>When she replies “One moment, please” the second time around too, Dean’s fully prepared to hear her voice again telling him why Castiel cannot take the call.</p><p>So he’s shocked for a moment when he hears the sexiest gravelly voice in the world greet him with “Hello, Dean.”</p><p>“Cas-, Castiel, hello.”</p><p>Now, Dean isn’t exactly an expert in how conversation generally works, but he’s pretty sure Cas should say something along the lines of “how are you”, or “are you in New York?”, or even a super formal “what can I do for you?”</p><p>But no, he’s completely silent. It seems he has no intention of letting Dean forget he’s the one walking on thin ice here. Alright then.</p><p>“How are you doing, Castiel?”</p><p>“Fine, thanks.”</p><p>No “How about you?” either. Yep, Castiel’s clearly making a statement. Dean’s gonna have to do all the work.</p><p>“So, I, um, moved to New York like I told you I would.”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“Today.”</p><p>“Today?”</p><p>That was a hint of surprise in Cas’s voice. Barely there, but <em>there</em>. Dean hopes he’s just earned one or two points for his eagerness.</p><p>“Yes, I got to my new apartment a couple of hours ago, in fact.”</p><p>“I see.”</p><p>“And, I mean, I thought I’d call to see if we could meet each other. Like, you know, we said at the conference? I mean, I said it and you gave me the card, so...”</p><p>He’s fucking rambling, for fuck’s sake! When has Dean forgotten how to be smooth?!</p><p>“Mm,” Cas hums. What does that <em>mean</em>?!</p><p>But then Cas adds “When?”</p><p>Why is Cas asking Dean? Dean would have wagered Cas would either reply with “No, fuck you very much” or ask him to meet him in less than one hour someplace three hours away, and then use his lateness against him.</p><p>Maybe he wants to see what kind of answer Dean will give him? If he’s gonna reply like the jerk he used to be?</p><p>Oh, hell. Dean can’t keep torturing himself trying to read <em>someone else’s mind</em>. He can only go with the truth and hope for the best.</p><p>“Well, that depends on when we’re both free, I guess? I don’t start work until Thursday, so I’m always free until then. But you mentioned you work at least until 4pm every day. So, we could either do after 5 one of these days before I start working, or I can call again after Thursday, once I know what schedule I’ll have.”</p><p>“Did you have something specific in mind?”</p><p>And, OK, <em>maybe</em> Dean had started googling places to go and see even before leaving Kansas City – he needed to get to know his new city after all – and <em>maybe</em> there are one or two he’d really like to see with Cas. Plus, he maybe got a couple of points for his eagerness earlier, so he might as well go all in.</p><p>“You know, I’ve never been to New York before, and there are a few places I am very curious about. Like, I read about the High Line? I’d like to visit that. So we could, I don’t know, take a walk there, catch up a bit, maybe grab a bite later?”</p><p>“Specific indeed.”</p><p>“I mean-“</p><p>“I’ll see you at the access point on 16th Street tomorrow at 5.30 pm. Goodbye Dean.”</p><p>“Su-,” Dean cuts himself off and frowns at his phone. The line’s dead.</p><p>Did Cas... hang up on him?!</p><p>He did! He totally did. Cas gave him a place and time and then hung up on him. Taking it for granted Dean will show up.</p><p>What the fuck??</p><p>Obviously Cas knows that Dean is OK with both the place and time, Dean has literally suggested both, after all. But shouldn’t Cas have... asked? What if Dean needed a few pointers on how to get there? He just got to one of the biggest cities in the world for the first time in his life not even four hours ago, for fuck’s sake!</p><p>But that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Dean has to do all the work. If he really wants to meet Castiel again, he will find a way to get there in time.</p><p>A smile creeps up on Dean’s face before the message to not get ahead of himself registers. It’s... a trial. Castiel is <em>testing</em> him. And if he’s bothering to test him, it’s because he has a reason to do so, right? Which, of course, could be to have a field day, or a sequence of field days, while stringing Dean along. Or it could be that he wants to gauge how much Dean really wants this. Or to understand whether Dean really has changed and has become someone accountable and trust-worthy. Or maybe all of the above. Dean wouldn’t put it past Cas to want to have a little fun with him just to pay him back in kind even if he actually has the intention of giving Dean a chance. And if that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes. Dean will accept that. It’s not like Cas owes Dean anything and is supposed to act polite and respectful. The phone call, as well as the conversation at the conference, has shown that plenty. Dean needs to earn that politeness and respect. So he can only hope that, once Cas has had his fun, he’ll find that what Dean has to offer is enough to start building something together.</p><p>Hope is a dangerous thing, Dean knows. But he can’t help to let it blossom inside his chest a bit, and let it spur Dean into action. He has a lot to do and only 24 hours to do it. He needs to finish unpacking first of all – he’s gonna need more than sweatpants and an old Dungeons and Dragons t-shirt if he is to meet Cas tomorrow – and then he needs to revise the notes he made before leaving Kansas about how the public transport system works in New York – which is anything but easy, it seems like you need a freaking PhD to understand how the metro even works – so he can decide what the best option to get to the 16th street is, and he’s also gonna have to go buy groceries, at least for a couple of days. He would also like to take a stroll around the neighborhood and start exploring a bit, but he’s not sure he’ll have time for that today.</p><p>When 22 of those 24 hours have passed, Dean finds himself in front of his open closet, intent on reenacting every cheesy trope of every teenage film he’s ever seen. He can’t decide <em>what to wear</em>. It’s <em>Pretty in Pink</em> all over again, and Dean’s fucking glad he doesn’t own a sewing machine because he’d certainly be using it to make his own pink dress right now if he did.</p><p>Unless he brought a change – which Dean doubts, because that would be a clear sign that Castiel <em>cares</em>, and the little game he’s been playing so far has meant to convey how very much Castiel <em>doesn’t care</em> – Castiel will certainly be wearing his work clothes, because he won’t have the time to go change, unless he leaves the office early – which again, he won’t do, because that would also means he cares.</p><p>Dean knows because he checked how long would it take Cas to go from his office to their meeting point with public transportation – which is a guess because Cas might as well have his own car or get a taxi, but if Cas is anything like Dean, he would go for the most eco-friendly, or less eco-monstrous, solution, which is public transport. That’s what everyone should do, really, but especially someone working in their field. Dean is actually curious about this particular aspect. As much as he dreams of being with Cas, he also knows that 15 years is a long time and people change a lot in that long. Dean himself is proof of that. And if his bigger fear is that Cas won’t like him, his second biggest fear is that <em>Dean</em> won’t like Cas. That he’ll turn out to be just like so many of the all-powerful executives Dean’s met along the way who seem to have forgotten what their job really is about and are career- and money-driven more than anything. Dean’s more than ready to reply “How high?” whenever Cas will order him to jump, but only if real Cas will turn out to be like Dean’s dream Cas – an older, more mature and wiser version of the nice, smart, good-hearted boy he was in high school. Dean will forever feel guilty for what he did to Cas when they were kids, but not enough to end up with a jerk for the rest of his life. It took Dean some time to fully accept it, but he now knows that the ‘no one deserves to waste their time with someone undeserving’ rule applies to Dean just as much as to anyone else.</p><p>So Castiel will be in a suit and tie. Maybe the first button of his shirt will be undone and his tie will be a little loose. Or he’ll forgo the tie altogether. Dean needs to stop thinking about that visual right the fuck now because he doesn’t have the time to rub one out now when he <em>still hasn’t decided what to wear</em>. He needs to <em>focus</em>.</p><p>OK, so, Castiel is gonna be in a suit and tie. Dean could go for a similar dress code. He too has his fair share of work suits and ties. But this is not a business meeting, and just like Cas will probably use this chance to show Dean how much he doesn’t care, Dean wants to take the opportunity to show Cas that he cares instead, and that he doesn’t want them to be colleagues, he wants to see whether they can be involved romantically. So he decides he should wear casual clothes, like he would for a daylight date with someone new which is supposed to consist of a stroll through a park and possibly a dinner nowhere too fancy. Casual dress code is anything but simple though, because Dean is terrified that he might end up looking too much like his teenage self and that would be a disaster waiting to happen. He just wants to make Cas realize that Dean really wants to date him, not trigger him into seeing an older version of the guy who was so mean to him in that locker room. So total black it is. Back in high school Dean would have never dressed in total black. He couldn’t have possibly run the risk of being mistaken for one of the emo kids. He was the king. Dean can’t help but snort and shake his head while he swallows his bile at how stupid and obsessed with his reputation that kid was. So much wasted time and energies.</p><p>He chooses a pair of black jeans that hug his ass just right, a black t-shirt that will cling to his chest and biceps and will hopefully show off the goods without being too obvious and a pair of black sneakers. It’s still too warm for more than that, and New York is freaking humid. He also decides to bring along a plain v-neck green jumper in case it gets chilly later in the day. His ex girlfriend always used to say it brings out his eyes. And anything is fair in love and war, right? Dean knows he’s exploiting his good looks, but he’s not ashamed of that. Not anymore. Because now his good looks aren’t the only thing he can offer. But if they help him to get the other person interested in getting to know him better and see what else there is behind his physical appearance, Dean won’t hesitate to play that card.</p><p>Plus, he hopes that Cas finds him physically and sexually attractive. If things go well and Cas turns out to be as amazing as Dean desperately hopes he is and gives him the second chance Dean desperately hopes he’ll give him, Dean <em>really</em> wants Cas to want to fuck Dean like Dean wants to be fucked by Cas. Once Dean allowed himself to admit and accept his bisexuality, it didn’t take him a lot of experimentation to realize he’s a bottom. Not that he minds topping every once in a while, that’s awesome too, but nothing really beats the feeling of a hard, warm and throbbing dick in his ass and of a big man on top of him, pressing him down on the mattress. Or the floor. Or the couch. Or against a wall. Or a table. Dean’s really not picky, he’s a laid back guy like that. Dean’s surprised into laughing at his own unintentional joke, and vows to use it as soon as the opportunity presents itself. Meaning, <em>not</em> <em>today</em>. He should probably let Cas see that he can actually be smooth, before he starts acting like the giant dork he knows he is in his heart. His friend Benny always tells him that’s one of the things that make people see Dean is good people, and his friend Charlie always says that it’s one of the things that make him cute and bangable, which Dean isn’t sure he should take too much into consideration because she couldn’t be more gay if she tried.</p><p>OK, so, he’s ready. He’s worn the clothes he chose and styled his hair while lost in his mental rambling, and now can only look at himself in the mirror, take a deep breath, accept that that’s the best that he can do, take another deep breath, pocket his phone and wallet, grab his sweater and head for the door.</p><p>The <em>keys</em>.</p><p>He turns around and goes in search of his keys, because he’d rather not lock himself out of his apartment on his second day in New York.</p><p>God, he’s nervous.</p><p>Maybe the trip to the High Line will help him calm down.</p><p>Or not.</p><p>The sheer number of people, both residents and tourists, is impressive, and between that and having to pay close attention not to get on the wrong metro line, he’s as tight as a bowstring by the time he starts walking toward the access point on 16th street. And once he gets there – five minutes before 5.30 – he feels like someone’s decided to rearrange his intestines into French braids.</p><p>He’s trying to appear more confident than he feels while also trying to fight his burgeoning panic and dismissing the alluring possibility of just getting the hell out of dodge before making a complete fool of himself when he spots Cas approaching.</p><p>Cas is indeed in his work clothes. Suit, check. Unbuttoned first button, check. Loose tie, check. Unreal eyes, check. Confident stride, check. Smoldering hot, check. Exuding power, check. Dean’s drooling, check.</p><p>Dean‘s aware that he’s not controlling his face and his desire is written all over it, he doesn’t even need to wait for Cas’s smug smile to know that.</p><p>“Hello, Dean. I see you found your way here alright.”</p><p>Words. Dean needs to reply using <em>words</em>. He’s pretty sure there are at least 50 or 60 English words he knows. None of them comes to mind. He’s seeing Castiel again. After two months. The number was real. And the time and place real too. Castiel didn’t stand him up. Dean cannot fucking believe it.</p><p>He nods. When you don’t have words, you can always use what you still have. Like your face, even though you know the love-sick expression you’re showing is making you look like a goddamn moron.</p><p>Either this is sending Cas’s ego on a premium cruise to Jupiter or he’s really the better person, because he doesn’t comment on it but suggests “Shall we?” with a slightly indulgent smile. Again, Dean nods and follows Cas. Dean has a déjà vu to the night at the conference, when he followed Cas to the bar full of hope and trepidation. Dean likes following Cas a lot. And that has nothing to do with how awesome the man’s butt is. Well, OK, that’s part of the reason, but it’s not the <em>whole</em> reason.</p><p>Dean knows he wants, and needs, a confident partner, someone who can take the lead and take care of Dean. Dean’s ‘pretty face’, ‘plushy lips’, and ‘doe eyes’, not to mention his bisexuality, often cause his business partners, and competitors, to believe that Dean is weak and can be taken advantage of. This means that he needs to act like the epitome of the alpha male so much at work that, when he gets home, he just wants someone he doesn’t have to be always strong around and will love him and respect him anyway.</p><p>When they step out of the elevator Dean forgets even Castiel for a moment. This park really is beautiful, and such a great idea. Dean cannot help looking around every which way – the green, the art installations, the people, the walkable space, the sitting space. It is a masterpiece of ecology and landscape architecture alright. He feels like he can breathe better just by virtue of being here. He feels at the center of the city life and far away from it. Down there, the frenzy of New York’s daily routine goes on uninterrupted. He can just cast his eyes on the streets below and watch everything from his vantage point. But up here, up here he can walk, and read, and think, and sit. This is amazing. A giddy laughs escapes him before Dean can stop it.</p><p>He turns to Cas, joy and wonder on his face and in his voice. “I’m in New York, Castiel. I am here, for real. And this place is <em>amazing</em>.”</p><p>Cas is looking at him with a furrowed brow, as if is he’s trying to assess whether Dean’s real, fake, or in urgent need of medical attention.</p><p>“You really are happy to be here, aren’t you?”</p><p>“You kidding? <em>Of course</em> I am! New York, man! New York! And this place is as great as the website described, and,” Dean can’t help the softening of his smile, “and I’m here with <em>you</em>. Yeah, Castiel, you can say I am very happy right now.”</p><p>Cas hums. He sure does that a lot.</p><p>“Can we, um, do you mind if we take a walk? I’d really love to see more of the park. And I love walking.”</p><p>“You do?” Castiel asks as he takes the first step.</p><p>Dean launches into telling Cas how he likes walking <em>now</em>, and how he hated it in the past. Not walking from point A to point B. That was an action necessitated by a specific reason. But mindless walking, walking for the sake of taking a walk around and maybe appreciate the surroundings? He hated it. It took him coming out and starting making peace with the truth to realize he had never really hated walking, but he had been afraid of it. Because it was one activity that didn’t stop, but rather encouraged, his mind going places he wasn’t ready to explore yet. Ever since he’s admitted and accepted the truth, however, walking has become one of the activities that help him process stuff. And that is especially true when he can walk and be surrounded by green and nature, like in a park.</p><p>“Nothing beats the natural beauty of this world,” Dean catches himself at the very last second before adding something corny like ‘except you’, and says instead “which is also why I can’t wait to go to Central Park and explore every corner.”</p><p>Cas has been mostly silent so far, just asking a question here and there, but he’s listened to every single word Dean has said. Dean knows he’s being measured. Castiel <em>is</em> trying to understand who the person in front of him is now, and trying to catch him in a lie. Which is why Dean hasn’t told a single one. He’s been an open book, completely transparent, something he would have never done on a first date – because Dean is considering this as a first date and no one can change is mind – but he couldn’t help doing with Cas. Cas isn’t just any date. And Dean really wants to earn this second chance. And giving Cas the means to decide if he could be interested in dating Dean is the only way Dean knows how.</p><p>But he also wants to know what kind of person <em>Castiel</em> is now. So he dares ask him about college, and that leads to Cas telling him a bit about himself. He’s by no means as open as Dean has been, but he does offer a few pieces of personal information besides what is public knowledge, like where he went to university, which Dean already knew because it’s written on the resume Dean found on the website of the company Castiel works for. Well, he’s kinda the boss, but Dean doesn’t want to think about that. He already has a hard time not talking himself out of trying to date someone so much hotter and smarter than him, if he also thinks about Cas being one of the big bosses of a company like Onyx Renewable Partners while Dean is a white collar like thousands of others, he will just walk away now.</p><p>That’s how he learns that Cas’s favorite course in college was actually an elective one, an English literature course on pathetic fallacy in poetry, which only solidified his decision to apply himself to the study of green economy.</p><p>He learns that Cas went to college, and is still friends with, that half French half British dude who transferred to Lawrence High when Dean was in his sophomore year, Balthazar. Apparently, Balthazar made it his mission to get Cas involved in a <em>ménage a twelve</em> at least a couple of times a year, every year. Dean’s as curious as he is hot with jealousy at the prospect of asking Cas if Balthazar ever succeeded in convincing him, but he doesn’t have to. Cas turns to Dean and makes a point to watch him straight in the eye when he says “I never partook though. I’m strictly monogamous, you see, and I do not particularly love sleeping around.”</p><p>Oooookay, message received loud and clear. ‘If you thing I will just bend over for you, you can forget it, Dean Winchester.’ And that’s precisely what Dean <em>doesn’t</em> want. And also, that’s precisely what Dean <em>wanted</em> to know. Cas isn’t into flings, he’s into committed relationships. Exactly what Dean was hoping to find out. It’s getting harder and harder not to get overexcited and hopeful.</p><p>But since honesty has paid off so far, he goes for the truthful answer. “I’ll be honest, once I came out I spent a few months when I was a bit on the slutty side. It was all new, you know, and I felt like I needed to make up for lost time. I can’t say I didn’t do my fair share of experimenting,” and then, because he needs Cas to know, he feels compelled to add, “I was very honest though, every time. I told them I was still figuring myself out and couldn’t commit to anything.”</p><p>Cas’s hum in response doesn’t even surprise Dean anymore.</p><p>“Anyway, after those first few months, I reverted to my usual self. Strictly monogamous, and not inclined to sleeping around too much either.”</p><p>“Well, that’s not the Dean Winchester I know.”</p><p>Dean lets out a laugh at that. “The Dean Winchester you know was as phony as his heterosexuality. For some reason, the cheerleaders liked to brag about sleeping with me, and I went along with it because it added to my alpha male image. The truth is, I only ever slept with those I dated for at least a couple of months. And my senior year, once you were gone, I wasn’t even that interested in dating anyone, so.”</p><p>Cas stops at that. “You serious?”</p><p>Dean stops right in front of him and, head high, replies, “I am.”</p><p>Castiel looks at him. Really looks at him. Like he’s trying to read his very mind, or his soul, or both. Again, trying to catch him in a lie. But he won’t. He can’t. There is no lie to catch Dean in. Everything he said is true.</p><p>They are so blue, Cas’s eyes. God but Dean missed them. He missed having them on him. He hopes, if things go well, that they will go back to tracking him wherever he goes when Cas and Dean are in the same room. He would need and cherish that comfort, to know that it’s real, that he really got his man back against all odds.</p><p>It’s clear that Cas is processing and doesn’t really know what to think, or to say. So Dean takes it upon himself to get the conversation back on track.</p><p>“How about when you moved here? Were you as excited as I am?”</p><p>Cas seems relieved for the change in topic. “Yes and no. I was excited, but I was also nervous. Very nervous. Much more than you seem to be. I think that has a lot to do with how much younger and much less experienced than you I was.”</p><p>“Yeah, I think I’d have been scared shitless if I had to move here straight out of college. I don’t know that I could have been that strong.” Dean adds a smile for good measure, to make sure Cas sees he’s not being ironic. He’s trying to use his body language in combination with his words as much as possible, to make Cas understand what he really means with his words. He feels like when he uses emojis during a text convo for fear of being misunderstood. God, he’s exhausted. He <em>really</em> hopes Cas will let him out of the dog house sooner rather than later. He’d like to be able to relax a bit around him.</p><p>“What about now? How does it feel to live in New York now?”</p><p>“New York is my home now. Kansas is... the place I was born in.”</p><p>Dean really needs to ask his next question, right? He can’t put it off and he can’t let himself live a lie, if that is what this is.</p><p>“And, um, does that home include a family too? Maybe a partner?”</p><p>It’s no use to play around. Dean has, after all, already told Cas he’d like a second chance at the conference, so it’s utterly pointless to play dumb now.</p><p>Cas stares at him for a few seconds before replying, “No, I’m not seeing anyone at the moment.” And he clearly hesitates before asking, “You?”</p><p>That must mean something, right? Cas could be simply fishing for information for the sake of it, a person of his station knows that knowledge is power, but Dean likes to think Cas wants to know because he’s invested in the reply, even though his hesitation makes Dean inclined to believe Cas hates that. Which, fair enough. Finding out that you might still have a bit of a crush on the jerk you liked in high school still buried underneath all that power and talent and hotness and success must be jarring at the very least.</p><p>So Dean decides to give Cas as much reason as he can to forgive himself for even considering giving Dean the time of day and lies all his cards on the table.</p><p>“No, I’m not. But I was hoping that might change and I could start seeing you. I would like to take you out to dinner, even right now, if you’ll let me.”</p><p>The sun had started setting not long after they started their walk, and it’s now casting a spectacular shade of pink-orange all around them, which makes Cas’s eyes, hair and skin glow even brighter.</p><p>Cas is busy subjecting Dean to yet another of his silent examinations, and Dean leaves him be. He is, after all, himself busy cataloguing every detail of the otherworldly, sunset-lit face in front of him.</p><p>Which is why Dean isn’t surprised when Cas gives him his reply. He’s seen the moment Cas’s reached his decision written on his face.</p><p>“OK, but only if I can pick the restaurant.”</p><p>Dean smiles. Another message received loud and clear. Cas is still the one who calls the shots.</p><p>“As you wish.”</p><p>Yes, Dean’s gone there. That‘s his own, admittedly super cheeky, way to let Cas know he’d gladly be his farm boy, if only Cas decided to become Dean’s prince. Is he sorry about that? Hell no. It‘s taken Dean a lot of time to accept that the carefully constructed and maintained mask of perfection he paraded around in high school was not an honest reflection of his inner self. He is a simple man, and a nerd at heart. Cas might as well realize that from the start and decide whether that‘s the kind of person he might want to go steady with, if this thing is to go anywhere.</p><p>The small, indulgent smile Cas gifts him with in response makes Dean hopeful he got the reference after all.</p><p>“Very well. Follow me.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next week (Wed if things go according to plan) we'll go back to seeing things from Cas's POV. It's time we knew what our favorite Novak thinks about all of this :-D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. “As you wish”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cas and Dean have dinner together for the first time.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We finally see what Cas thinks of all of this :-D</p><p>Thank you sm everyone for the response to the last chapter &lt;3 I've had a great time chatting with all of you, loved it! Hope you guys enjoy reading about Cas's thought process as much as you enjoyed Dean's :-D </p><p>Finally, I know the situation is anything but easy and safe in the USA atm, and I hope that all my North American fellow fans are as safe as they can be. I'm with you all in spirit guys (and with what I can do from overseas) and I send you all my love and support.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Castiel needs to <em>focus</em>.</p><p>He cannot be swayed by that smile, and those freckles, which multiply under the sunlight, and those green eyes, that make those damn freckles stand out even more and are, in turn, complemented by them in an endless cycle of perfection not even an Italian painter from the Renaissance could have come up with.</p><p>Dean’s a face Castiel couldn’t help but fall in love with desperately when he was a teenager, no matter how many reasons he had not to, and that he could never forget, no matter how much time and how many reasons he had to.</p><p>And that’s not even the problem. Castiel is smart enough to know that he wouldn’t need to worry if this was only about Dean’s pretty – nay stunning – face. If that was all there was, this wouldn’t be dangerous at all. Castiel is too smart and too proud to fall for a beautiful bad boy. If beauty is all the boy has to offer, that’s not even remotely enough for a man like Castiel Novak. As much as it hurt back in high school, the moment Dean exited that locker room was the moment Castiel swore he wouldn’t waste one more minute pining after him. When he had started falling for Dean he knew the chances he would turn out to be a moron were pretty high, but Dean hadn’t given any indication, until the locker room day, that he could be such an awful person. He was definitely a jock, and clearly enjoyed being worshipped like royalty among peasants, but he was never openly cruel or mean with anyone, never bullied anyone, and had never even treated the girls that threw themselves at him with disregard. At least not until he started making out with any cheerleader that was within kissing distance whenever Castiel was around. God, but Castiel <em>hated</em> the cheerleaders. But even then, Castiel had attributed Dean’s sudden change in behavior to a strategy to make Castiel jealous. He had felt so <em>stupid</em> and humiliated for thinking like that after the locker room. And he still doesn’t know, to this day, how he feels now, knowing that he had been right all along, and that Dean was attracted to him just as much as Castiel was attracted to Dean. Regardless, the moment Dean had shown his dark side, Castiel had closed that door. Not even a face like Dean’s could justify accepting to be treated like trash.</p><p>And if Castiel was certain Dean’s still that awful person, he wouldn’t be worried now, as they are making their way back so they can go to the restaurant Castiel has in mind, both silent and clearly lost in thought, although Dean seems to be genuinely enjoying looking at the setting sun. If Castiel was sure Dean’s just a stunning face, he wouldn’t be reconsidering his choice to meet with him today.</p><p>But he’s no longer that certain. He’s no longer so sure that Dean’s just a gorgeous face.</p><p>He was, back at the conference. Dean had almost convinced him with his speech that he had, indeed, changed. For a brief moment Castiel had felt that warm feeling one gets when a wrong has been righted and something that has haunted you for years has finally been put to sleep. Castiel hadn’t imagined it all. It hadn’t been all in his head. Dean <em>had</em> been attracted to him. But when he dropped the bomb about him being about to move to New York, Castiel had seen right through the act. Dean Winchester was still very much a master manipulator. He knew Castiel was a big name in the business, especially in New York, and clearly thought that gaining his favor could open a few doors for him. So why not exploit Castiel’s old crush for him, possibly aided by how very much attractive Dean knew he still was? Castiel supposed, back then, that people can only change so much, even though he honestly believes Dean <em>has</em> changed to a certain extent.</p><p>So he had decided to have some fun. If Dean seriously thought that Castiel would let himself be manipulated so easily, he’d be in for a surprise. And Castiel would enjoy this chance to get the little snake back immensely. That’s why he had given him his business card.</p><p>He had honestly expected that would make Dean start showing his true colors right away, and start acting with their colleagues at the conference as if he and Castiel went way back. But he hadn’t. He had actually kept his distance, nodded and smiled politely – and embarrassed, which Castiel totally thought was an act back then – whenever they bumped into each other, but he hadn’t sought him out again. After a couple of days, Castiel had re-evaluated his initial assessment and realized Dean wasn’t so dumb as to show his cards like that. He was smarter than Castiel had given him credit for. He stopped expecting him to make contact, but he started paying attention to what Dean did and said. He had to make a mistake sooner or later, right? Only, he didn’t.</p><p>Castiel watched him interact with other delegates and always being polite while also charming everyone around him. He observed him during lunch breaks and only ever saw him being respectful to the waiting staff, who Dean always thanked, and always putting his chair back under the table when he was finished – Castiel’s grandmother used to say that people can be divided into those who put the chair back under the table after eating, and those who didn’t and left it there for someone else to pick up their slack. Dean, apparently, wasn’t a slacker, or at the very least didn’t expect anyone to pick up his slack, even knowing they were paid to do just that.</p><p>Once again, Castiel had concluded Dean was simply guarded and strategically wise. That was, after all, his first time at an event which was of paramount importance in the field, and he wanted to make a good impression. Castiel was not the only big name he could impress there and public relationships were very much a fundamental aspect of the job. An aspect Dean clearly excelled at, unlike Castiel himself.</p><p>But, again, he had ended up doubting the correctness of that assessment when he happened to attend a few sessions which Dean was attending too. For one thing, Dean was actually working, unlike many others in the room. He would take notes and ask questions whenever something was unclear to him or a topic piqued his curiosity. A few questions, in particular, surprised Castiel, for their not so implicit suggestion that what the speaker had just discussed in their presentation was more focused on economic gain than on environmental protection. Those questions had made him sound like someone who had very clear what their job was really about, and that was something Castiel had been unable to ignore and that had impressed him in spite of the wariness he felt for the man.</p><p>Castiel had also seen Dean fending off the advances of a number of delegates, men and women alike, who seemed to be attracted to him like moths to a flame. That, too, was in stark contrast with the image Castiel had of Dean, someone who would sleep around with just anyone. An image which, according to what Dean had just told him, had never overlapped with reality anyway. Dean’s behavior at the conference seemed to confirm it, even though that, too, could be chalked up to Dean being smarter than mixing work and casual sex. It was undeniable, however, that Dean had been generally polite, but firm, in turning each and every one of them down. His tense shoulders and the practiced ease with which he would let them down, however, had made Castiel suspect that that was a far more frequent occurrence than it was probably acceptable in a working environment. Having a face like Dean’s could be both a blessing and curse, Castiel mused.</p><p>In the following two months, Dean surprised Castiel yet again by never calling. He would’ve bet good money on Dean taking the first available opportunity to call, no matter how flimsy the excuse. Dean would have either tried to prepare the ground for making sure he already had Castiel – and his support – in his pocket when he got to New York, or he would have got as far as try and get Castiel to help him sort out things to move to the city. But he did neither, and after a few weeks Castiel simply concluded that, being the smart man he was, as much as it pained Castiel to admit it, Dean must have realized that Castiel wouldn’t be easily impressed, and must have decided he was more trouble than it was worth.</p><p>Except, he had apparently called as soon as he got here. He might have lied about that, of course, but his tone, and his rambling, was genuinely delighted and apprehensive, as if he couldn’t believe he was finally able to speak with Castiel again. Him being busy with a Skype call when Dean called the first time had actually being a lucky coincidence, as it had given Castiel the time to get ready to talk to him when he called back – right on time, not one minute earlier or later than expected. Castiel loathed to be or feel blindsided, and blindside him was exactly what Dean had done. Castiel had stopped considering a call from Dean a possibility weeks prior.</p><p>So apparently Dean had done all the preparations and had moved all on his own, and only once everything was in order and he was actually able to give Castiel all his attention had he called. That was the logical explanation one could have drawn from their call. Still, Castiel was not easily impressed, or convinced, so giving Dean a time and place and hang up on him before he could get a word in was meant to be a test to allow him to gauge how seriously interested Dean was in all of this. Finding out what the real source of that interest was – emotional <em>or</em> professional – might prove to be harder, but establishing just how involved Dean really was was a first necessary step. Plus, Castiel had meant to have some fun with Dean anyway, possibly serving Dean a healthy dose of his own medicine, so dangling the carrot of the possibility to meet with him like that would allow Castiel to catch the proverbial two birds with one tiny stone.</p><p>Castiel’s plan seems to be derailing spectacularly though. He suspects that he’s not the one playing the game, but the one who’s been played. <em>Again</em>. He just can’t seem to understand <em>what</em> kind of game Dean is playing. And that can only mean one of two things. Either Dean is far smarter and a better actor than any slimy person Castiel’s ever dealt with – and he’s dealt with tons of those in his working life – or there is no game, and Dean has genuinely become the decent person he appears to be. Not to mention that, if Cas was to believe what Dean has told him so far, there’s a chance that he’s always been a decent guy, just like Castiel himself thought he might be back in high school, but his insecurities and confusion got the better of him.</p><p>Back on the High Line, Dean was giddy with happiness and seemed so carefree and honest, a boyish grin plastered on his face the whole time that made him appear even younger than he is. He had also seemed genuinely stunned when he saw Castiel approaching, unable to formulate a coherent reply and, apparently, even a coherent thought. That did inflate Castiel’s ego quite a bit. Which is what has Castiel worried now. Is he thinking clearly? Or is he letting Dean’s clear attraction to him, and the attraction that, try as he might, Castiel just cannot not feel for a face and a body like that, get in his head?</p><p>Castiel believes in second chances, in principle. He knows everyone can make mistakes, he himself knew that falling so hard for someone so obsessed with his reputation in high school was a mistake and he did it anyway. But he doesn’t know that he can give Dean another chance for real, instead of paying him back in kind and then be on his merry way as he had originally planned to do. Admittedly, Castiel doesn’t know what must have gone through Dean’s mind when they were kids. He’s gay, not bi, and has always just sort of known he was into men. He has never really felt the need to put too much thought into it either. It was something that just was. Like his blue eyes.</p><p>So he doesn’t know what it must be like to be attracted to a gender and then find out – when you’re also dealing with that awful moment in life that is adolescence – that you like the other gender as well. Especially not with all the expectations Dean’s reputation put on him – and, Castiel is pretty sure, <em>Dean</em> put on himself. Castiel knows far too well how, once a certain image has been tailored to someone, the image sometimes becomes reality even though it couldn’t be farther from the truth. He himself has a public image that doesn’t exactly overlap with reality. Yet, he lets people believe it does, because it serves his purposes. Castiel, however, is a grown man and a professional. Dean was a teenage boy. The chances of him being trapped into his image and feeling pressured to play the part are much higher than him consciously exploiting it for his personal gain like Castiel is doing now with his own reputation.</p><p>What Castiel <em>does</em> know is how badly that evening in the locker room fucked him up. He became so insecure in himself and his sexuality that he couldn’t gather the courage to so much as flirt with someone until the end of his freshman year in college. Castiel thinks that’s why Balthazar started the tradition of trying and rope him up in his orgies. Because his friend knew he was lonely. He was the only one Castiel had told about that evening. The only one he had to dissuade from beating Dean to a pulp. If Balthazar could see him now, he’d probably beat <em>Castiel</em> to a pulp.</p><p>When Castiel finally started seeing men again during his sophomore year, it was never more than a fling. Mostly because Castiel couldn’t help but being always very guarded, waiting for the monster to show its ugly face, like in high school. Castiel can still remember how he had been excited when Dean had started flirting with him, staring back and trying to make him jealous while kissing others but looking at <em>him</em>. It had been fun and exciting and everything he wanted and daydreamed about. And that day in the locker room, he really thought, for a brief, blissful moment that Dean would kiss him. But then the monster had showed up. Castiel lost a piece of his ability to trust others as a result, and he never got it back.</p><p>When they enter Chelsea Market, Castiel deliberately slows down his pace, to give Dean a chance to take a look around and himself a chance to look at Dean’s reaction closely. Castiel loves Chelsea Market. It’s a good example of urban redevelopment, which respects the surrounding area and offers opportunity and variety to the neighborhood. As nice as the market is, and as good Castiel finds the food in basically every restaurant here, this is no five star establishment, and Castiel is curious to see what Dean’s reaction will be. Rather than disappointed, however, Dean appears to be delighted. He is smiling a wide smile that is making little happy crinkles appear around his eyes, and is looking around with the same expression a kid in a toy store at Christmas might wear.</p><p>“This is awesome man, just the kind of place I love!” He then adds, turning to look Castiel straight in the eye, “I would have never chosen a place like this, because I would have tried to impress you by choosing something fancy.” The mischievousness in his eyes is unmistakable now, and Castiel finds himself once again questioning the sequence of decisions that brought him here at this very moment, in front of those green eyes sparkling with playfulness. “And if <em>you</em> are trying to impress me, oh man, color me impressed,” Dean concludes, adding a wink for good measure.</p><p>No, Castiel wasn’t really trying to impress Dean. He was trying to ascertain whether the money and the prestige, including the possibility of dining at fancy places, that Castiel can offer might be one of the reasons why Dean seems to be so interested in him. Yet here he is, overflowing with delight at having being brought to a place where they couldn’t spend a grand even if they both ate and drank everything on the menu of the restaurant.</p><p>When they stop in front of Castiel’s favorite place, Friedman’s lunch, Dean’s pupils almost transform into heart-shaped emojis.</p><p>Dean Winchester isn’t a gold digger, clearly. He’s also so busy taking in the whole place that he doesn’t notice how the waitress visibly checks him out when they enter and approaches them with obvious intent.</p><p>“Good evening fellas.”</p><p>Castiel dislikes this person very much. “Good evening, can we please get a table?”</p><p>“Is it gonna be just the two of you or are you waiting for someone else?”</p><p>Dean finally realizes a conversation was going on while he was distracted. “Just the two of us, thank you.”</p><p>She smiles seductively and turns around to sashay toward a table at the back. When Castiel turns to look at Dean, expecting his eyes to be trained on what even Castiel can objectively admit is a pretty fine ass, he finds him still looking around and taking in every detail. Castiel is frankly starting to feel tired to be constantly surprised by this man.</p><p>“Here you go.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Dean replies politely. Castiel’s distaste of this woman has climbed high after their little ‘walk’ to the table. It’s just poor costumer service, really, it’s not like Castiel is jealous or anything.</p><p>“You’re welcome, gorgeous,” she quips, a wink and a beautiful smile accompanying her words.</p><p>Here it comes. Winchester cocky smile in 3, 2.... Oh.</p><p>Dean’s smiling. But it’s not cocky, or flirty. It’s tight lipped and uncomfortable. Castiel doesn’t have time to process that though. While his eyes are busy assessing the interaction between Dean and the flirty waiter, his hand feels warmer all of a sudden. He looks down to see Dean’s hand covering his. He’s about to tell him off when he hears him say, “Could you please get us some tap water while my date and I take a look at the menu?” A smile follows his request, but it is polite and detached and, just like his hand on top of Castiel’s, leaves no room for misunderstanding.</p><p>The waitress’ eyes widen and a “Oh” leaves her mouth, before she regains some semblance of dignity and leaves with a “Sure thing, right away!”</p><p>Dean watches her go for a few seconds before looking at Castiel. He can’t hold his gaze for long, however, and drops his eyes to the table as he takes his hand back. He then seems to remember the menu can offer both his eyes and hands something to do and grabs one, before saying “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s not your fault Dean. She flirted with you. I just didn’t think I’d ever see the day Dean Winchester wouldn’t flirt back, especially with a woman that pretty,” Castiel says with a tone he hopes will take some of the heat out of his words. Partly because Castiel knows what he just said is a lie, as he’s seen Dean turning down more than one pretty woman, and man, at the conference. Partly because he genuinely appreciates how Dean put a stop to what could have become a very uncomfortable situation before it even took place. Still, he’s curious to hear what Dean will reply.</p><p>The eye roll Castiel gets in response reassures him that Dean has indeed taken his remark as the half-joke that it was meant to be.</p><p>“Well, don’t get me wrong, flirting is fun and makes you feel good. When you do it with someone you are actually interested in.” How Dean’s gaze can go from innocent to lascivious in a second is a mystery to Castiel. That doesn’t mean his cock hasn’t twitched interestingly. His body doesn’t seem to have as many qualms as his mind about responding to Dean’s flirting. Damn it.</p><p>“And even though it’s also fun to flirt with random strangers sometimes, it’s simply poor taste to do that when on a date. It’s rude and downright mean to both your partner and the person you’re flirting with.”</p><p>Wow. Color <em>Castiel</em> impressed.</p><p>“Anyway, I don’t think she meant anything mean by it, I just think she didn’t realize we’re on a date.”</p><p>Why isn’t Castiel correcting Dean? He totally should. This is not a date. It’s a first step towards <em>maybe</em> <em>starting</em> to <em>consider</em> the <em>possibility</em> of giving Dean a second chance <em>sometime</em> in the <em>future</em>.</p><p>Dean is positively glowing though. Castiel tells himself that not bursting his bubble is the selfless thing to do. The truth, however, is that Castiel wants to selfishly enjoy the view of Dean’s stunning face brightened by happiness. And he himself hasn’t been on a date in so long that he’s somehow not opposed to the idea of this being a date, even though he should be opposed to a date with Dean Winchester like he’s opposed to the unbridled exploitation of the Earth’s resources. Castiel just compromises that he’ll let Dean think this is a date-date while he’ll think of it as test-date. There. Perfect solution.</p><p>“But, um, I’m sorry for touching you without making sure you were OK with it first. I promise you that’s not who I am. I just,” Dean sighs, whether because he doesn’t know how to put what he’s thinking into words or because he doesn’t want to talk about it, Castiel doesn’t know. “I, um, know how persistent some people can be, and I just want to enjoy this dinner together without having to think about dealing with unsolicited interest from someone else.”</p><p>Castiel had been right at the conference then. Dean was clearly more accustomed to deal with “unsolicited interest” than he liked to be. He’s tempted to ask more about it, but the topic is a sensitive one to say the least, so it’s better to leave it be for the time being. If this will ever go somewhere, there will be time for Castiel to ask Dean whether he wants to talk about it.</p><p>When their waitress returns with their water, they both order a beer and the ground beef brisket burger – if this was a date-date, Castiel would check the box for “taste compatibility”, in addition to the one for “respect” after the little scene with the waitress. But this is not really a date, just a test-date, so.</p><p>After she leaves again, Dean excuses himself to go wash his hands before dinner and comes back all happy that he found those environmentally friendly dries in the toilets so he didn’t have to waste paper. He then adds that he’d love if they could come back here and explore the rest of the establishments, if Cas wants, of course. Dean appreciates the variety and the fact that they are clearly sensitive to ecological matters, as the bins to differentiate waste, the water fountains, the energy saving lamps clearly show. “... by the way I have to remember to buy some for my place, I haven’t had time yet. Well, I’m not even finished unpacking to be honest....um, what? Oh, sorry, I’m rambling.”</p><p>Castiel smiles in spite of himself. This carefree version of Dean is a little tornado of positive energy, and Castiel feels drawn to it.</p><p>When their burgers arrive, Dean accompanies his first bite with a moan that would win a Pornhub award, and Castiel’s dick chubs up a little. Castiel himself wouldn’t be opposed to be the cause of such a sound coming from those pretty lips. How much he’s attracted to this man is a <em>serious problem</em>. He needs to be able to <em>think</em>, and to do that with his <em>upstairs</em> brain.</p><p>“I‘m so relieved you like burgers too,” Dean says while he’s still chewing his bite. The box for “good table manners” would certainly <em>not</em> be ticked. “I know many people in our field have gone vegan. I myself eat meat not more than two or three times a week,” he pauses to take a sip of his beer. “But I don’t know if I could date someone who’s vegan and would want me to go vegan too.” Oh my, another flirtation is coming, because that little spark of mischievousness is back in Dean’s eyes and his pretty lips are curved into a smirk. “I mean, it took me some time, but I finally embraced that I am <em>definitely</em> a meat man,” Dean says before winking and taking another satisfied bite of his burger.</p><p>Dean Winchester openly flirting with him and shamelessly joking about him liking cock is something Castiel thought he’d never see.</p><p>Castiel manages not to rise to the bait, even though his cock is rising alright, and they spend the rest of the dinner chatting comfortably, both clearly intent on avoiding mine fields like discussing people or events from high school.</p><p>When they are about to leave the restaurant, Dean insists on paying, saying that he’s the one who invited Castiel out, and when Cas suggests they could split the check, Dean blushes a bit – pink sure goes well with green – and replies “That’s not how first dates work, Cas.”</p><p>Somehow, Castiel lets the nickname slide without correcting Dean. He doesn’t seem to have noticed the misstep, which means he’s relaxed over dinner and isn’t carefully controlling each of his words or actions. Which, in turn, means Dean’s words and actions <em>are</em> genuine.</p><p>He’s a decent guy, isn’t he? <em>Damn it all to hell</em>.</p><p>They take the metro back to Castiel’s place and chat a bit now and then, but never about anything too deep, and spend a long time in comfortable silence or people watching. Dean is clearly coming to terms with the incredible variety of human specimens New York has to offer, of which the metro is a pretty accurate summary. Castiel is busy <em>not</em> ogling Dean too obviously. It was bad enough before, when he’d had to deal with Dean’s choice of clothing that – in what Castiel believes was an absolutely deliberate move – consisted of a total black and <em>very adhering</em> outfit showing off the incredibly tempting body that was underneath. But now Dean’s put on the green sweater he’s brought along in case the air got chillier, which it did, and Castiel is being blinded by how much that damn sweater brings out his green eyes. As if he wasn’t already obsessed with Dean’s face as it is.</p><p>Once they get in front of Castiel’s building and have said their goodnight, Dean makes a  move to kiss him. Castiel leans forward too, but retreats at the very last second with a satisfied smirk, what he knows is an equally satisfied glint in his eyes, and a “goodnight Dean”.</p><p>He slowly, deliberately, starts turning around to walk in the direction of his building when Dean says “You can’t be serious”, in a tone which is both disbelieving and sad.</p><p>“Oh, I am. They do say revenge is better served cold. I believe fifteen years is enough time for it to be just the right degree of cold, wouldn’t you agree?”</p><p>Dean’s face crumbles, and Castiel would lie if he said he finds it as satisfactory as he thought he would. “Ok, I deserve that. What my teenage self did... But, I, um, can I-, can I see you again though? Please. I’m not above falling to my knees and beg if that’s what it takes.” Dean grows desperate then, which tags at Castiel’s heart more than he likes to admit, “I know I don’t deserve it, but, Cas-,” he sighs “I mean, Castiel, sorry. Please, I-“</p><p>Castiel needs to stop this train wreck from happening because it is frankly painful to watch. “As enticing as the idea of you on your knees and begging is, I think I could be persuaded to have breakfast with you either on Wednesday or Thursday next week.”</p><p>The relief on Dean’s beautiful face is immediate – Castiel would do well to stop thinking about how beautiful Dean is or he will never be clear-headed enough to make a conscious decision about this mess. Dean’s breath has slowed down, his eyes are shining with hope, and a small smile has bloomed and turned his face into a rendition of the sunrise.</p><p>“I like good, strong coffee, honey, pancakes, omelette or waffles, and freshly squeezed fruit juice for breakfast. Preferably, it should be somewhere that privileges organic food. I trust you will find the right place. Your treat, of course.”</p><p>If Dean accepts, which he will, they’ll meet again ten days from now. Enough time to see how Dean behaves in the meantime and gauge whether he’s really interested enough to accept for Castiel to set the pace and wait for as long as it takes. And that would also be the second time - well, third time, if he also considers the drinks at the conference - he and Dean spend...time together. Castiel still has troubles calling what they are apparently doing ‘dating’.</p><p>The happiness he sees on Dean’s face cannot be staged. Holy shit, Dean is honestly very relieved <em>and</em> very happy. ”As you wish,” he replies with that blinding smile of his that can put even the sun to shame.</p><p>That cannot be a coincidence, can it? Twice in one evening? He’s really quoting <em>The Princess Bride</em>. Dean Winchester is quoting <em>The Princess Bride</em> to win Castiel over. That’s another thing Castiel was sure he’d die without <em>ever</em> witnessing. He doesn’t know what he finds more striking about it, that it’s a very geeky thing to do or that Dean is clearly painting himself as the farm boy rather than as the handsome prince.</p><p>“Very well, give me your phone,” Castiel replies while extending his hand for Dean to place his phone in.</p><p>As he’s entering his number in Dean’s contacts, Castiel thinks about how this doesn’t mean he’s 100% convinced – and he needs to be 1000% convinced before he gives Dean so much as a peck on the cheek. It also doesn’t mean he can’t still have a little fun, as originally planned. Dean deserves that, at the very least.</p><p>“Oh, and just so you know, I like mango and coconut. You might want to consider getting a flavored chapstick.”</p><p>Dean’s surprised face is hilarious and extremely satisfying. Then he chuckles and says “I’m getting a friggin’ mango and coconut flavored chapstick on the off chance that might entice you enough that you might want to kiss me next time, aren’t I?”</p><p>Castiel just arches a brow in response, which causes Dean’s breath to hitch a little. <em>Interesting</em>.</p><p>Then Dean swallows, sighs, and mutters “Fuck my life”. His grumpy pouting would be adorable, if Castiel could let himself think of <em>Dean Winchester</em> in those terms.</p><p>‘His life?’ Castiel thinks, ‘Probably not. But his ass? If he really turns out to be this decent a human being? <em>Most definitely</em>.’</p><p>On that tantalizing note, the only thing left for Castiel to do is to smirk at Dean, turn around and walk through the entrance door to his building, giving Dean a show of the ass he has no chance of laying a single finger on unless Castiel decides he‘s earned the privilege.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well? How do you guys think Cas is faring??</p><p>Next chapter (still from Cas's pov) up next Tuesday! :-*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. “You like pie, right?”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cas and Dean meet for their breakfast date</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We're still in Cas's head for this one guys. </p><p>Thanks everyone who's reading, leaving kudos, subscribing, bookmarking and commenting! You're awesome (*Said while shaking my head in my best Dean Winchester's impression*) </p><p>Speaking of Dean, please enjoy another portion of Mr Novak's slow but sure descent into Winchesterland 😬😬</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“That’s it, that’s it, open up.”</p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p>“Indeed.”</p><p>Dean’s shoulders shake while he rests his forehead against the tiled wall. Castiel doesn’t know whether he’s laughing or shivering. “Easy to be so smug when you’re not – shit – the one with,” Dean’s so pretty when he moans, “with a giant cock up your ass.”</p><p>Castiel can’t help his evil chuckle. Just like he can’t help watching the last inch of his dick being swallowed by Dean’s stretched hole. He knows he has a mild voyeurism kink, and watching himself being taken by a beautiful ass is probably his favorite thing in the world. Castiel is aware that he’s pretty well endowed, both longer and thicker than average, so he knows that whoever’s able to take all of him like Dean is doing now is more than deserving of a little praise.</p><p>But this is Dean, and he still owes Castiel big time. Which is why, rather than praise, what he gets is Castiel stilling his hips while the entirety of his erection is snuggled inside of Dean. The moan that punches out of him is the most rewarding of sounds.</p><p>“Can you feel it, Dean? Can you feel how <em>deep</em> I am?”</p><p>“Shit, yes, ah, fuck, I can.”</p><p>“Of course you can, because you’re being so good,” Castiel can’t help a little praise after all, it seems, “taking all of me so well.”</p><p>“Please...”</p><p>“Please what?” Castiel asks while he nuzzles behind Dean’s ear, hips still unmoving, cock still buried inside of Dean’s ass as deep as it can go, hands still gripping Dean’s hips, and back enjoying the warmth of the water cascading over them.</p><p>“Move, please move.”</p><p>Castiel’s only too happy to oblige, pulling off almost to the tip and snapping his hips forward hard and fast, setting a rhythm that has his own breath turn into panting and a series of ‘uh uh uh’ sounds leave Dean’s mouth, while his hands scramble for purchase against the tiles uselessly. Castiel is delighted to hear how the squelching of the water adds to the snapping sound of his hips.</p><p>Just to be a little shit, he pulls out and starts teasing Dean’s hole with the tip of his cock while his lips, tongue and teeth take advantage of the buffet Dean’s shoulders are offering him.</p><p>“Cas, please, put it back in, please.”</p><p>“Mm, you beg so pretty.”</p><p>“Yeah? Like that? Me begging you to fuck my ass?”</p><p>“God, <em>yes</em>.”</p><p>Cas groans as his hand tightens the hold around his cock and starts stroking faster, chasing his own orgasm just like his mental self is chasing his inside the heat of Dean’s tight channel.</p><p>He’s about to meet Dean for their breakfast date and he doesn’t want to make the same mistake as last time. Dean remains one of the hottest guys he’s ever met, and his body is attracted to him like it’s been attracted to few other men before. Relieving some sexual tension before meeting with him so he’s not too wound up is the strategically wise thing to do, Castiel tells himself.</p><p>To be honest, Castiel didn’t even try, after their non-date turned date, to stifle his sex dreams. When he entered the building that night, he knew that he was going to rub one out as soon as he walked through the door of his apartment. Just like he knew he would have thought about fucking all of Dean’s holes in every conceivable position for the next ten days at the very least.</p><p>The Dean Winchester he knew from high school would had never inspired such fantasies. In fact, when Castiel was a teenager, he used to fantasize about Dean fucking him, even though he was younger. But he was already taller and bulkier, the epitome of the alpha male.</p><p>The Dean Winchester he met last week isn’t that man though. He’s still very masculine, tall and broad and self-assured, when he’s not busy rambling and embarrassing himself. But he’s also a man who likes his partner to take charge. Castiel could see it in how easily Dean went along with everything he said and did. He didn’t have to force himself to do it. Whenever Castiel led, Dean followed. It was par for the course that all of Castiel’s sexual fantasies in the last ten days saw that dynamic transferred to the bedroom. Or the shower.</p><p>He is a great fan of shower sex, which is why he made sure to have a very large shower box installed when he bought this apartment, and why he chose the padded mat carefully. He’s had more than one man on their knees on this mat, and none of them had any complaints about the unforgiving hard floor. Castiel loves to begin his days with a good morning blowjob in the shower when he is in a relationship, he can’t be faulted for being a man who knows what he wants.</p><p>It’s only logical, then, that he’s stroking himself to completion with the mental image of fucking Dean against the shower wall. He would fuck into Dean’s ass over and over again, feeling him tremble against him, forcing him to lift himself up on the ball of his feet with the strength of his thrusts. He’d hold Dean’s wrists pinned above their heads with one hand and keep a safe hold against his waist with the other, neglecting Dean the kindness of any touch to his cock, so he’d have no choice but to focus on the dick in his ass, fucking him relentlessly, forcing his cheeks apart and his hole open wide while his inner walls are stroked by Castiel’s girth and his sweet spot is hit on every thrust. Castiel twists his own wrist on the upstroke just like he likes it, feeling his balls drawing up, ready to release their load on the wall while he fantasizes about Dean’s hole gripping his cock tight, about biting Dean’s meaty shoulder and whispering dirtily in his ear while his hips never pause. Imagining Dean’s tilted head while he turns slightly to look at Castiel with lust filled eyes surrounded by thick, wet lashes, while his plush lips beg him “please”, as water rivulets flow along that perfect face of his, is what does Castiel in. He comes with a groaned “Fuck”, shooting rope after rope of come on the tiles and keeping a tight circle around his cock until he’s milked himself dry and the aftershocks have ceased.</p><p>He rests his head against the wall. His shoulders rise and fall while he pants to fill his lungs with much needed air. His eyes are still closed, darkness the only thing he sees now, the images his mind had so vividly painted for him earlier now all but gone.</p><p>Castiel isn’t worried about having sexual fantasies about Dean, nor about them being increasingly more urgent in both frequency and content. His physical attraction to Dean has never been in question. It isn’t even the crux of the matter. The real issue is whether Castiel’s heart and mind are falling for Dean again, and, if so, whether it is now safe for them to do so or not.</p><p>All signs seem to point to the fact that yes, it seems safe for Castiel’s heart and mind to join the party his body’s been throwing in Dean’s honor for ten days now.</p><p>Nine days, in fact. Dean’s proposed Wednesday rather than Thursday, and Castiel accepted. While he rinses himself one last time to get rid of all the traces of his handjob before exiting the shower and getting ready for the day, Castiel smiles at the idea of Dean’s being eager enough that he wants to see him 24 hours earlier rather than later. He had briefly considered to be a bit cruel and tell him something had come up and he could only do Thursday when Dean asked, but he decided against it. Castiel’s not fully ready to admit that that had a lot to do with the fact that he, too, wants to see Dean sooner rather than later.</p><p>They’ve texted every day since their walk and dinner together. <em>Not</em> a date turned date.</p><p>The very first text was sent to Castiel while he was hands deep in his trousers to give himself some relief from the UST of the evening. After he’d made himself come and was still sprawled on the sofa, his trousers open, his briefs tucked behind his balls, his release seeping into his shirt and his tie askew, he noticed his phone blinking with a notification. He grabbed it with his clean, even though still shaky, hand, only to read ‘Thank you for today, Castiel. I had a wonderful time, I mean it. Can’t wait for next week :)’ Castiel isn’t particularly fond of emojis, but the message still made a smile spread on his lips. Post-coital hormones were certainly to be blamed for that.</p><p>All the other messages were always somehow justified by their coming date. It seemed like Dean didn’t want to take the liberty of messaging Castiel unless he had an objective reason to do so, possibly fearing he might come across as too clingy or overbearing, and Castiel never took the initiative of texting Dean first. Dean still had to prove himself to him, and Castiel had every intention to let him work for it.</p><p>Dean, apparently, had no problems with that. In the middle of what Castiel assumed had been a busy week for him – settling in his new apartment, starting his new job, meeting his new colleagues and coming to terms with living far away from family and closest friends – he was clearly doing his homework in regard to their breakfast date. He sent Castiel updates on his research to find the perfect place – the venues he had long listed and then those he had short listed, with pros and cons. Castiel didn’t always reply to those messages – some of them weren’t really intended to get a reply either – but he certainly enjoyed Dean’s commentary and seeing how places he himself was familiar with appeared to an outsider based on their websites and online reviews. In all of this, he refused to look too closely at the spark of disappointment he felt at the thought they weren’t in a place in their relationship where Castiel felt confident enough to ask Dean how he was doing with adjusting to his new life in New York. He then promptly berated himself for using the word “relationship” at all. In the end, he just decided to forget about the whole thing.</p><p>The place Dean decided on eventually was Sarabeth’s, but only once Castiel replied he was OK with that choice. He confessed he had indeed chosen something fancy to try and impress him, but also that he had got the idea the day at Chelsea Market when Dean had noticed their bakery there and seen how mouthwatering their products looked. Looking at their menu online had confirmed that there were a lot of interesting options and that everything Castiel had listed could be found there.</p><p>He had informed Castiel, pretty seriously too, as if Castiel hadn’t been the one living in New York for almost a decade now, that there were two possible locations they could go to, Park Avenue South or Central Park South. They were both 20 minutes from Castiel’s office on foot, and that was why Dean had chosen them. Dean wouldn’t have minded going to the latter, because he really wanted to visit Central Park, but that restaurant opened at 8 rather than at 7.30, which would make Castiel late for work.</p><p>While Dean’s obsession with Central Park was a little endearing, Sarabeth’s on Central Park South was basically next to Dean’s office, which made Castiel a little suspicious, and he decided to make sure Dean wasn’t playing the eager tourist card just to choose the location which was more convenient to him. That would have been a typical Winchester move. So Castiel told him that Bryant Park wasn’t too far away from Castiel’s office, and that he doubted that they would have time to visit any park anyway. Dean immediately replied that Bryant Park was also on his must-see list and that he was more than okay with going to Sarabeth’s on Park Avenue South.</p><p>Castiel frowned at that, once again surprised, and frankly a little baffled too. His office and Dean’s were twenty minutes apart. How was Dean getting to work in time, if they had to walk twenty minutes from Sarabeth’s to Castiel’s office and then Dean had to walk twenty more minutes to get to his own office? When Castiel pointed that out, Dean simply replied that he started at 9 rather than at 8 like Castiel, and that he could ask to start work half an hour later. Castiel was shocked for a moment. That was a bold move. He had just started working in his new office and was already planning to ask to start later on the day marking his first week there? Either Dean was an entitled jerk who knew that his million watt smile could get him whatever he wanted, or he really wanted to see Castiel badly enough to be uncaring of the consequences. Castiel didn’t really know how he felt about that possibility.</p><p>And OK, Castiel was having fun with this whole thing and was sometimes reminded of how it felt to be young and stupid like they had been in high school, but he didn’t want to be responsible for Dean getting on his new boss’ bad side. Add to that that Castiel was his own boss and could get to the office a little late and no one would dare say a word, even though they would wonder, as Castiel hadn’t showed up later than 8 am in forever. He would have to inform his secretary and PA lest they send out a search party, but other than that he could just do as he pleased for this once. Last but not least, his home was on Central Park West, so Sarabeth’s on Central Park South was actually on his way to work. All of this prompted him to tell Dean that it was actually better to go to the restaurant on Central Park, so they could go to Dean’s office once they were finished and then Castiel would walk to his own office. The whole thing would take 25 minutes rather than 40. Dean’s reply ‘But I wanted to be a gentleman and walk you to your office :(‘ was, again, endearing enough that Castiel was about to reply ‘You’ll have other chances’. He caught himself just in time. Castiel still hadn’t decided if there would be other chances.</p><p>When he gets to the restaurant and sees Dean already waiting for him by the entrance, his face lighting up the moment his eyes land on him, Castiel feels that he would say “Yes”, if he had to make that decision at this very moment. Yes, there would definitely be other chances. Dean is so fucking beautiful, and his glee is making Castiel feel like a king.</p><p>He knows his smile is definitely warmer than the one he gave Dean the day at the High Line. “Hello, Dean.”</p><p>“Hi, Castiel. I, um, am happy to see you.”</p><p>‘Me too,’ Castiel is about to reply. ‘But, no, too soon, can’t say that. A smile will have to do.’</p><p>“Shall we?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>‘I wonder if he knows what that pleased smile and downcast gaze do to a man. Jesus, if he doesn’t drop the demure act I don’t know that I can help fucking him in the restrooms.’ Clearly, the morning hand job hasn’t even begun to scratch the surface of Castiel’s lust for this man.</p><p>“... -is OK? Castiel?”</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>“The lady and I were wondering whether this table was OK with you?”</p><p>Castiel is brought back to reality by two pairs of pinched eyebrows directed at him. This is probably not the first time the waitress and Dean have tried to attract his attention. Castiel is <em>never</em> this distracted.</p><p>“It’s perfect, thank you.”</p><p>“Alright, I’ll give you two a few minutes to look at the menu.”</p><p>“Thanks.” There, the same open, polite smile Castiel has seen Dean direct to the waiting staff at the conference, so very different from the uneasy one he reserved for the waitress at Chelsea Market. Dean does clean up good when he’s wearing his work clothes. He’s dashing in this blue suit, white shirt and...</p><p>“... are those bees?”</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>“On your tie. Are those bees?”</p><p>“Oh,” Dean’s embarrassed chuckles is <em>not</em> adorable. “Yeah, it’s a gift from my best friend Charlie, because, I quote, “I’m obsessed with saving the planet and it all starts with saving the bees”.” His smile is now a little sad, Dean must miss this Charlie person.</p><p>“I don’t recall anyone with that name from high school. How did you meet him?”</p><p>“Her. Charlie stands for Charlene. But you don’t call her that unless you wanna lose the physical proof you have a Y chromosome. Her words, not mine.” Again, a melancholic chuckle.</p><p>“You miss her.”</p><p>“I do. I mean, the weekend is usually spent with family and friends and well... This one wasn’t.”</p><p>“How about we take a look at the menu and decide what to order and then you tell me about your weekend?” Castiel hasn’t asked Dean about his week via text because Dean is still very much on probation, but this... spending time together is meant to get to know him better, after all. Asking about how he’s faring in this all new situation can give him a good idea of what kind of man Dean is now. This sounds <em>a lot</em> like giving Dean a second chance though, doesn’t it?</p><p>But when what that sentence earns Castiel is a hopeful and pleased smile, he can’t really see any fault in his logic.</p><p>Once they have placed their orders – black coffee for both, a lemon and ricotta pancake for Dean and a pumpkin waffle for Castiel – Dean starts telling him about being finally finished unpacking and how the space is starting to feel like <em>his</em> space at last; about getting familiar with his new neighborhood and having stopped getting confused about the metro; about meeting his new boss and colleagues and getting along with basically everyone, even though the jury’s still out on a couple of colleagues he’s had a few bumps with because “I look younger than I am and people somehow take that as a sign of lack of experience, or strength of character” – meaning someone didn’t take Dean seriously because he’s too good looking to also be a smart businessman, which is something Castiel himself has had to deal with a time or two; Dean tells him about face timing with his family and friends all weekend long and how his brother Sammy (“It’s Sam, actually, but, you know, I have my annoying big brother duties to perform”) has been making fun of him for “finally snatching a date with the boy you’ve been pining for since you were a junior and that I honestly thought didn’t really exist”. Sam was a fresher when Dean was a senior, so Castiel missed him by one year and has never met him. He didn’t even know Dean had a younger brother. But that’s not the most relevant piece of information in that statement. Castiel is actually stunned by how straightforward Dean is about his pining for him. Dean did say he had been thinking about Castiel since high school the very first time they talked at the conference, but Castiel had sort of taken it as a hyperbole. He’s realizing that it very much was not, and that Dean’s putting himself on the line without reservation. Castiel could easily stomp on him and do as much damage as Dean did in high school, if not more.</p><p>An appreciative sound gets Castiel to pay attention to the man in front of him, who’s enjoying his pancake with gusto.</p><p>Realizing he’s being stared at, Dean declares “We’re so trying all the other restaurants in this chain too”, while still swallowing his bite – the box for table manners will <em>never</em> be ticked, Castiel suspects.</p><p>“I get it you’re happy with your choice?”</p><p>“Yeah, I am. Even though, I think I could give this place a run for their money. If I didn’t think you’d think I was just trying to get in your pants, I would have invited you over and made breakfast for you. I can make some mean pancakes myself, and I could have baked you pie.”</p><p>“Pie?”</p><p>“Yes, Cas, pie. You like pie, right?” Dean asks with an expression verging on horrified.</p><p>Castiel can’t help but chuckle. Dean’s face is a canvas where all his emotions are painted with striking clarity. “Yes, yes I do.”</p><p>“Oh, thank heavens,” Dean says, showing a relief Castiel would only justify in case someone told him the Earth just survived an alien attack. “This is like the vegan thing. I don’t think I could date someone who doesn’t like pie.”</p><p>Flirting a bit isn’t against the rules, right? He can still assess Dean while flirting. “So you’re a meat man, and a pie man. You’re trying to tell me you have a food kink?”</p><p>Dean’s eyes get as big as saucers while he tries to swallow the sip of coffee he was having without choking. Once he’s cleared his throat, a light blush is coloring his cheeks when he replies, “It’s not in my top five, but I’m not opposed.” The mirth is gone from Dean’s eyes and smile though, and what can only be described as raw desire has taken its place. Dean does want Castiel. A lot, if Castiel had to judge from what he’s seeing now. Castiel would also be a liar if he said he’s not thinking about how much he’d love finding out what those top five kinks are.</p><p>They’re interrupted by Dean’s phone ringing.</p><p>Dean seems to wake from a reverie, clears his throat and says, “It’s my alarm. I, um, set it so we wouldn’t be late. I tend to lose track of time when I’m having fun.”</p><p>So does Castiel. That’s what’s happening here, isn’t it? He’s having fun. So much so it’s been more than one hour and he hasn’t even realized it.</p><p>“Well, that was a great idea.”</p><p>Then, to lighten the mood a bit, “I just never knew you were also a boy-scout, among other things.”</p><p>“Ha ha.” Grumpy Dean is absolutely adorable.</p><p>Dean pays for their breakfast and they start walking toward the General Motors building. It’s a few minutes’ walk and they’re both silent on the way, possibly thinking about how they never said they would meet again after today.</p><p>As they get in front of the building, Dean stops and turns to face Castiel, clearly nervous. So, of course, he deflects with a joke.</p><p>“Well, you walked me to the door, so in theory this is the moment when you give me a kiss before you go. I’m also wearing my new mango and coconut chapstick, you know?”</p><p>That surprises a laugh out of Castiel. “You’re joking.”</p><p>“I really am not,” replies Dean producing a chapstick from his pocket. “But if you wanted to be sure, I wouldn’t be opposed.” Now that’s the Winchester cocky smile Castiel knows. Which means Dean feels insecure and is using it as an armor, like he used to do in high school.</p><p>Castiel cannot say he’s not tempted, especially after this morning’s masturbatory fantasy. But he doesn’t feel confident enough. For the first time in Castiel doesn’t even know how long, he doesn’t know what to do.</p><p>So he does the one thing he would do if he had a problem at work he doesn’t know how to fix right away: he buys himself some time.</p><p>“I’m sure you wouldn’t,” Castiel tells him with a flirty smile of his own. He doesn’t want to shut Dean down once and for all. He doesn’t know that he’ll ever kiss him. But he doesn’t know that he won’t ever kiss either. “But I’m afraid you’re still on probation.”</p><p>His suggestive tone is clearly doing its work, because Dean’s face doesn’t fall. On the contrary, he gets the glint in his eyes someone gets when they’ve been challenged and have decided to accept.</p><p>“That’s fair,” Dean acknowledges while looking Castiel right in the eye. He’s owing what he’s done, not running away from it. Castiel appreciates a man who takes responsibility for his actions.</p><p>“And is there... anything I can do? To possibly shorten my probation period?”</p><p>“I wanted to go the KGB Espionage Museum.” Even though Castiel has his reasons to visit that particular museum, he also knows it’s a pretty outlandish suggestion, and he’s honestly curious to see if Dean will go along with his request, as extravagant as it sounds.</p><p>“Is there such a thing?”</p><p>“Yes, it’s new.”</p><p>“We could... go together,” Dean suggests shyly, while he’s literally scuffing his toe on the sidewalk.</p><p>Castiel needs to rein himself in. He knows Dean won’t always say yes to every single thing Castiel asks of him. But god does it give him a power rush to know that, right now, he only needs to ask and Dean will give him everything.</p><p>“I believe we could, yes.”</p><p>Dean rises his gaze then, his jaw set in a determined expression. “Castiel, would you go to the KGB Espionage Museum with me?“</p><p>“Why, Dean, yes, I would.”</p><p>That damn smile is a weapon, and the worst thing is that Dean’s not even using it against him on purpose. He’s just so happy that his smile is lightening up his whole face and body. Castiel is powerless, isn’t he?</p><p>“I am free on Sunday afternoon. How about you come pick me up at 4? That should give us plenty of time for the visit.”</p><p>Cas knows what Dean’s words will be even before he opens his mouth.</p><p>“As you wish.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter up on Monday. Just a heads up, it will be looooong (like, the longest in the fic) &amp; we’ll earn our E rating for real in that chapter, if you catch my drift *wink wink + wiggles eye brows*<br/>Have a good week darlings 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. “Are you really this person, Dean Winchester?”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The visit to the KGB museum goes much, much, much better than both Cas and Dean expected.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You guys, this chapter is loooong. I told you a few chapters back this fic was a mess chapter length-wise. This one got away from me and I ended up with 12K words that I just didn't feel like I could split up. Sorry? 😅<br/>Also, remember when I said at the beginning this was gonna be a 40K word fic? I kinda miscalculated and it's actually 50K... Sorry again? 😅😅</p><p>A couple of disclaimers. First off, we earn that E rating here hehehe. Secondly, there's a HP reference at the end. As I mentioned more than once, I actually wrote this some time ago and then took some time to edit it, so well before what JKR did recently. I debated deleting that reference, but I ultimately decided against it, because even though she's an awful person (please, do not comment to explain why you think that is not the case, that's literally something you can't change my mind about), I believe that HP, just like any other creative effort, belongs to the readers as much as its author, especially after two decades, so I'm going to keep liking it, and headcanon Dean likes it and chat about it with Charlie in spite of what her author did recently. </p><p>Finally, thank you everyone for the support to this fic. You guys are the best ❤️</p><p>Please enjoy Cas and Dean visiting a museum and...doing other things too 😬</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Just because I can’t go to Central Park yet, doesn’t mean I couldn’t sneak a peak’</p><p>The smile on Castiel’s face when he gets Dean’s text and looks at the attached selfie of the man with an exaggerated grin while he’s clearly on the Top of the Rock with the whole of Central Park at his back is, for lack of a better word, fond.</p><p>It’s Friday afternoon, and Castiel’s still in his office, going through some final numbers before he’ll be able to call it a day, and a week. He doesn’t want to have to bring home any work this weekend. He’s told himself it’s because he’s tired and deserves a break, but he’s mature enough to admit it might have more than a little bit to do with Dean. He’s meeting Dean on Sunday afternoon, and he’s afraid he won’t be able to focus on anything else once he leaves the office today.</p><p>They’ve been texting non-stop since their breakfast date. Dean has started ticking items off of his ‘must-see’ list at the end of each working day ever since, and has texted Castiel pictures of himself visiting those places, and running commentaries of how he liked them, if the line was fast or slow (apparently he’s been positively impressed with how smoothly things went at the Top of the Rock), and if the fuss was worth the experience.</p><p>He’s loved the Love Sculpture, and Castiel has saved the picture of Dean in front of it that a passer-by took. When Castiel pointed out that giving your phone to a random stranger in New York is the best way to have it stolen, Dean replied that the man had a little girl wearing a pink princess dress glued to one of his legs. Dean had therefore deemed him safe enough, as he would have been able to easily catch up to him if the guy decided to run away with his phone, considering the cute, pink, tulle-covered ball and chain he was bringing along. Castiel could only agree with that line of reasoning and chuckle while imagining the scene.</p><p>Dean’s absolutely adored Times Square and has dropped more than one hint that he’d really like to go see a musical with Castiel at one of the theaters nearby. Castiel hasn’t committed to anything, but he must confess he’s intrigued. He’s never seen a musical, in spite of loving going to the theater and knowing that the productions in Broadway are superb. He’s afraid of doing something new with Dean for the first time though. Castiel has a weird tendency to remember every single detail of the first time he does something new for the rest of his life. Linking something that permanently to Dean doesn’t seem like the best of ideas right now. Not yet, anyway.</p><p>But they have established that they will go to Central Park, the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty together, even though Dean was afraid they weren’t ‘weird enough for “Mr. Espionage Museum” :-P’</p><p>Castiel had not so subtly stressed that it might have taken months to visit Lady Liberty, especially if they wanted to get on top, but Dean had simply replied that he had high hopes they’d still be seeing each other then. A flutter in his stomach was the immediate reaction Castiel had, followed by a thought along the lines of ‘I’m royally screwed’ that he translated into a non-committal hum – his go-to reaction when he thought best not to reply – even though Dean couldn’t hear him. He was afraid of even formulating a coherent thought, or text, in response to what Dean had written, for fear he would start to hope a little too much, if he did. Which meant that he <em>was</em> already hoping, at least a little bit. He was <em>so</em> royally screwed, wasn’t he? In the end, he opted for a vague ‘Start doing one of your beloved researches about tickets and we’ll see.’ Not a yes, but not a no either.</p><p>When Castiel had enquired as to why Dean wanted to go see those specific places with him, Dean had confessed he actually has two ‘must-see’ lists. One of places he wants to see and one of ‘places he wishes to see <em>with Cas</em> if possible’. He even texted Castiel pictures of both lists. Dean told him he had compiled the second list even without knowing whether Cas would pick up the phone and answer Dean’s call, because ‘I had been dreaming of you for 15 years anyway. Just figured one more dream couldn’t hurt’. Castiel, in an uncharacteristic fashion that was becoming more and more characteristic the more he and Dean interacted, hadn’t known what to say for a while. Dean wasn’t trying to hold any kind of power in whatever it was that they were doing, he was being completely generous with his words and actions and letting Castiel decide what he wanted to do with that, and with him. It was getting more and more difficult for Castiel to believe this was some kind of elaborated scheme by an evil mastermind.</p><p>Dean has also started calling him ‘Cas’ more and more often, especially when he’s particularly relaxed, like when he sends his goodnight text, which he’s never failed to send since the day at Sarabeth’s. Castiel has been letting it slide every time without ever correcting him like he had done at the conference. It’s like an unspoken sign that Castiel is slowly acknowledging that things between them are shifting and he’s no longer that interested in keeping a safe distance between them. He’s starting to think he doesn’t <em>need</em> to keep a safe distance between them.</p><p>He forces himself to put down his phone and not reply to Dean’s text until he’s done with work and can finally leave the office. If he replies now, he knows all too well how that will turn out: he’ll leave at 6 rather than at 4 because they’ll start texting back and forth and Castiel will get distracted and that will slow him down.</p><p>He will reply once he’s home and has changed into something more comfortable. Maybe he could even call Dean to make up for the lost texting session. Only once the thought has taken full shape does Castiel realize that he misses hearing Dean’s voice, which leads him to think he should have suggested Saturday rather than Sunday for their next date. Apparently, Dean’s voice is not all Castiel misses. He misses the owner of the voice too. He’s royally screwed alright.</p><p>He leaves the office only slightly later than usual and manages to get all the way home and into some sweatpants and a loose t-shirt before grabbing his phone and replying to Dean. The number of his messages has increased in the meantime, with Dean’s comments on places he’s seen on his way back home and his delighted discovery of a pizzeria which makes ‘the best pizza on the planet, with the exception of Italy.’ That’s somehow the starting point of their text conversation. Castiel enquires whether Dean’s ever been to Italy, to which Dean replies he hasn’t but ‘they invented the damn thing, they must be the best at it, right?’ Fair enough, Castiel thinks. That leads to them talking about the places they have visited, those they have liked and those they haven’t liked, and then which ones they would like to visit and why. Dean wasn’t lying about his obsession with parks, starting from Yellowstone, he’s visited dozens, including many Castiel has never even heard of.</p><p>Castiel manages to cook, eat, and get ready for bed and they’re still talking. He hasn’t called Dean, in the end. He was afraid he’d end up caving in and asking him to meet tomorrow rather than waiting for Sunday. He doesn’t want to expose his flank like that. Dean is clearly uninterested in holding any power in their...relationship. Castiel can finally use that word without feeling like he’s choking on his own spit. But he’s also the party that wronged the other. He knows he’s still being watched carefully and he’s gladly taking whatever Castiel is granting without expecting or pushing for more. Castiel, on the other hand, holds all the power for now, and he somehow feels like that’s the only thing that’s keeping him from another heartbreak. He knows that’s just a placebo, that he’ll have to relinquish the exclusive right to make decisions he’s had so far sooner or later. No healthy relationship ever comes out of such a completely unbalanced power dynamic. But he feels like he needs to be, and to appear, the one in control for a little longer. He needs to be more certain than he feels right now before he hands Dean his half of this relationship. When he does, Dean could hurt him again. Castiel doesn’t think he will. But he can’t help being afraid that’s exactly what’s going to happen. He can’t also help but think that taking the leap with Dean would be easier, if he still had that piece of his ability to trust others he left on the floor of his high school locker room that day. The bad taste in his mouth can’t be avoided, when that reminds him it was Dean the one who chopped that one piece away from his soul.</p><p>It would be poetic if he was also the one to give it back to him. Right now, terrifying is what it is.</p><p>His spiraling thoughts sour his mood enough that he doesn’t think he can – or should – keep talking with Dean tonight. He might say or do something he could regret. So he uses the long working week as the excuse to bid him an early good night and switches off the phone.</p><p>He does go to bed soon after, feeling suddenly drained. The week is catching up to him, but Castiel suspects he’s not only tired because of work. This thing with Dean is constantly on his mind. He’s constantly analyzing everything. Everything Dean says and does, or doesn’t say and doesn’t do. Everything Castiel says and does, or doesn’t say or doesn’t do. His mind hasn’t had a minute of peace and quiet and <em>silence</em> ever since Dean’s moved to New York. He resolves to take Saturday to think things over one more time, from beginning to end. And to make a decision on Sunday. One way or another. He’s either giving Dean a second chance – a real one, no regrets, no digging up the past mistakes when it is more convenient, no treating him as if he was still the teenager he used to know rather than the man he’s getting to know now – or he’s cutting each and every tie with him for good.</p><p>Somehow, that’s enough to put his mind at ease enough that he falls into a deep and dreamless sleep.</p><p>Waking up on Saturday, he feels clear-minded and refreshed. He does stick to his plan and lazies around the house taking care of his basic needs – cooking, eating, cleaning, doing the laundry – while he thinks about his situation with Dean. He keeps his phone switched off for most of the day in order to do that, not to be distracted by Dean. He just <em>knows</em> Dean has texted him. He knows he wouldn’t resist texting back. And he needs to <em>think</em>. Rationally. Not with his guts or his dick or his heart. But with his brain. He almost sends his mind into overdrive, replaying everything from the beginning. The conference, the phone call, the times they’ve met since then. He even reads their chat again, in case he missed something. But no, it’s all there, black on white. Dean is giving himself to him completely. Can Castiel accept the gift and handle him with care? Or will he always doubt him? In the latter case, Castiel should do both of them a favor and just let it go. He’d make them miserable otherwise. That’s no way of living, being with someone you don’t trust fully and who knows you don’t trust him. Both Castiel and Dean deserve better than a relationship where Castiel would never let his guard down completely and Dean would always feel compelled to walk on eggshells. The person you love is supposed to be your home, and your home is the place where you can let your hair down. They both deserve that.</p><p>When the afternoon shadows start getting longer, he finally switches his phone back on. He still doesn’t know what to do, not entirely, but he figures he can’t just drop out of planet Earth and not have the people in his life worry.</p><p>That’s when the answer comes to him. Dean has texted him, like Castiel had anticipated. The first three messages are a plain good morning text and two pictures of Dean, one of his almost empty fridge with the accompanying ‘Guess I’ll have to face the Sat morning hordes to go buy some food’ message, and one of a smiley and clearly proud Dean at Saint Catherine’s Park because ‘There’s a park 10 min from my place, I just had to take a look!’</p><p>But it’s the fourth text that makes Castiel realize what his decision must be. It’s just a text. It wasn’t sent long ago, a little over an hour. A couple of hours after Dean’s last message and many hours after his good morning text. It just reads ‘I’ve noticed my messages haven’t gone through. Is everything alright? Hope you’re ok, lemme know if there’s anything you need.’</p><p>Dean is worried. But that’s not it. Castiel himself switched on the phone knowing that people would notice the messages weren’t going through and be worried about that. Not because of the lack of an answer, it’s Saturday after all. But because of the fact that his mobile was clearly still off, which isn’t typical. Not for him. So that’s not it. He expected people to be worried. Including Dean.</p><p>No, it’s what <em>Castiel</em> feels in response to Dean’s worried text that makes him understand what he needs to do. He’s happy. Really happy. Not content, not in a good mood, not cheerful. Happy. Happy like you can only be when the person you have romantic feelings for reciprocates. Happy like you can only be when you know they reciprocate. Happy like you can only be when you have romantic feelings for someone and you know that you can see them when you want, and be with them and they will be just as happy to be with you as you are to be with them.</p><p>It’s too late to go back now. Castiel likes Dean. Likes this version of Dean. He’s smart and funny and nerdy and good and he’s beautiful and sexy. And he’s Castiel’s, if Castiel wants him. And Castiel <em>wants</em> him.</p><p>He has to take a leap of faith. He might be wrong, he’s still not convinced he isn’t. And that might lead to heartbreak, so much worse than the one he went through as a kid. But it’s not Dean the one who has to give him back that missing piece of his soul. It’s Castiel. Castiel needs to look for it. To do that, he needs to let someone in and let that someone show him, in time, that yes, people can be shitty and they can make mistakes and be awful and say and do bad things, but they can also be good and loving and trusting and accountable and supportive and everything you want them and need them to be. It just so happens that the person Castiel wants to let in is the same person that kickstarted this quest for the missing piece of his faith in humanity in the first place. But if <em>Dean, </em>of all people, can prove to him that people can be trusted, that will only help Castiel with the rest of humankind, right? Or not. Maybe Castiel is just humoring himself and his need to rationalize and overthink everything and to feel in control, when the truth is, quite simply, that he’s falling again for this man and cannot fathom the idea of breaking things off without knowing where this may lead.</p><p>‘Everything’s quite alright, Dean. I was even more tired than I thought I was and slept until lunchtime. I’ve just finished with showering after eating something. So, how did you like Saint Catherine’s Park?’</p><p>That leads to a text conversation that takes them into the late evening, until they say goodnight with a promise to see each other tomorrow.</p><p>Castiel goes to bed excited and worried in equal measure, but his last thought is something along the lines of maybe tomorrow being the day when he’ll finally get to taste Dean’s lips. That kiss is long overdue. Fifteen years overdue.</p><p>Sunday passes in a blur. He does wake up later than he thought he would. He never sets his alarm on Sundays, but his biological clock never allows him to open his eyes later than 9-9.30. It’s now 11, so maybe there’s some truth in the statement that he’s really tired and needs a break.</p><p>Getting up, making and eating breakfast, taking a shower, making and eating a light lunch, choosing what to wear and getting ready to meet with Dean occupy the rest of his time and, before he knows it, there’s a knock on his door.</p><p>He frowns. They’ve decided that Dean would text him when he was in front of his building and Castiel would meet him downstairs. He doesn’t know that he’s ready to let Dean into his home yet.</p><p>When he opens the door, it’s not Dean the one he finds on the other side, but Carl, his doorman. With ... flowers?</p><p>“Good afternoon, Mr. Novak. There’s a fine young man in the lobby waiting for you. He kindly asked me to bring these to you, so you could leave them home and wouldn’t need to go back upstairs to do that.”</p><p>Castiel is, unsurprisingly at this point, mightily surprised. He wasn’t expecting this <em>at all</em>. For one thing, no one has ever bought him flowers. Well, a plant, now that Castiel looks at it closely. These are potted forget-me-nots, if he’s not mistaken. For another, Carl isn’t exactly the most generous and selfless of men, so Castiel wonders how Dean was able to convince him to do this, until he moves to get his wallet to tip him and gets a “Don’t worry about it, Mr. Novak, it’s already been taken care of.” That must have cost Dean a pretty penny.</p><p>He thanks Carl and closes the door, so he can bring the plant back to his living room before going out, and notices there’s a note. ‘I saw this on my way to your place and bought it on a whim. Forget-me-nots have always made me think of you. I hope you don’t mind taking care of this plant, I’ll take it if you’d rather not. Cut flowers are just sad and an ecological disaster. Can’t wait to see you.’</p><p>That’s so thoughtful on so many levels Castiel just knows his face looks like the ‘awwww’ emoji right now.</p><p>‘Can’t wait to see you.’ What a dork. They are literally about to meet, yet Dean felt the need to let Castiel know how eager he is.</p><p>It’s getting more and more difficult for Castiel not to think taking a leap of faith is the right thing to do, after all.</p><p>Things only get better when he gets to the lobby and sees Dean is bearing more gifts. The best of gifts, in fact.</p><p>“Heya, Cas.”</p><p>“Hello, Dean. Thank you for the flowers, I love them.”</p><p>“You do? For real?” Dean’s blushing, and his eyes cannot really stay locked with Castiel’s as usual. He’s insecure.</p><p>“For real,” Castiel replies with a smile that he hopes will help him convey how pleased he truly is.</p><p>It seems to work, because a happy smile spreads on Dean’s face and his eyes light up. “I, um, also brought you some coffee. We seem to both love this stuff and I usually have one at this time of the day, so.”</p><p>“That’s literally the best gift one can give me, Dean. If you’re trying to woo me, consider me properly wooed.” Castiel says with a look he was told is “a smolder”, whatever that means, that he knows for a fact has left a few lovers on wobbly legs in the past. He would wink playfully, like Dean usually does, expect he doesn’t know how to wink to save his life. So channeling all of his sexual attraction for this man in a look to make him understand how very much changed his attitude is will have to do.</p><p>Apparently, it does. Boy, it does. Dean’s literally gaping like a fish and his blush is back, only a shade stronger. Castiel’s smug smile seems to shake him enough that he regains the ability to speak. “That’s, um. Good. That’s good. Very good. It’s what I was tryna do. So. Congrats on a job well done, I guess,” Dean ends on a giggle. A giggle. Apparently, more than the ability to speak he regained the ability to babble. It’s alright, Castiel doesn’t really mind. Quite the opposite. It’s good to see Dean not being all perfect and in control. It makes him more human.</p><p>“So, do you think I could have my coffee, then?”</p><p>“Shit, right, sorry, here it is.” The nervous, little laugh as Dean passes him his coffee and the hand immediately going to rub his neck are absolutely endearing. Dean wasn’t expecting Castiel to be so onboard and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He was prepared to be kept at arm’s length like every other time. Yet here he is. With gifts and a happy smile and ready to visit a place he would have probably never thought of visiting just to have a chance to spend a few hours with Castiel.</p><p>“Shall we?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>As they make their way to the museum through the busy streets and even busier public transportation, Dean observes that the city might benefit from starting using volocopters extensively. He’s absolutely delighted when Castiel tells him he’s aware of what volocopters are and when he says that he finds the idea of manned and electrically powered drones that can be used as air taxis absolutely brilliant. Dean agrees wholeheartedly, even though he adds that he would never use them himself because he‘s afraid of flying. This leads Castiel to think with a certain amount of sadness that they’ll probably never join the high-mile club – which, in turn, is further proof that Castiel is now definitely onboard with this and just needs to find a way to break the news to Dean – but it also kickstarts a discussion about green mobility. Castiel is immediately reminded of Dean’s enthusiasm at the conference, and he also finds out this is the reason why Dean got a promotion that brought him all the way to the New York Headquarters. He’s part of a research and development group who successfully pitched the idea that GM should start investing in mobility which is 100% green, like volocopters. But, considering how expensive that still is at this stage, it can only work in big cities where landing space abounds and people can afford to take a volocopter rather than a regular cab. New York, with all its skyscrapers and the many well-off, when not outrageously rich, inhabitants, satisfies both requirements.</p><p>Castiel is more than a little impressed and feels more than a little hot under the collar. He’s always had a soft spot for physical beauty, he cannot deny that, but what he truly finds attractive is someone’s mind, their intelligence. Clearly, Dean is both beautiful and smart, besides having a very healthy dose of enthusiasm. And God does he smell good today. Castiel hopes his jeans will do a good job at hiding what is on its way to be a semi.</p><p>Once they get to their destination, Dean tries to pay for their entrance tickets but Castiel puts his foot down. When Dean reminds him that he was the one who invited him out, Castiel makes sure to reply “The idea to come here for our date was mine, Dean,” and to put a little more emphasis on the word “date”. Coupled with his smirk and his paying for something they are doing together for the first time, Castiel hopes that it will be enough to convince Dean that he’s 100% considering this as a date and help him relax.</p><p>It seems to have the opposite effect, however. Dean seems to be on edge, watching his every move and word. Castiel has never seen him so nervous, not even at the conference. Discarding the possibility that having the thrill of the chase taken away is what is making Dean so flustered, Castiel cannot but conclude that he’s probably giving Dean so many mixed signals that he’s having whiplash and doesn’t know what to think or do.</p><p>His solution is to start acting like he would during a date with someone he’s truly interested in, which is exactly what is going on at the moment, and hope that Dean will be interested in what Castiel shares enough that he’ll forget about being nervous and feeling like Castiel is somehow tricking him. Castiel knows that, so far, he’s shared very little of himself every time he’s talked to Dean, either via text or face to face. He’s let Dean tell him about himself, in the attempt to get to know the man he’s become, and contributed just that little bit necessary to keep the conversation going. So he hopes that telling Dean a bit about himself will help and be taken by Dean as the good sign that it is meant to be.</p><p>As they visit the exhibition, which is surprisingly interesting, and learn about KGB concealment deceives, crypto and cypher machines and spy radios, Castiel tells Dean the reason why he wanted to visit this particular museum is that he’s of Russian descent.</p><p>“You are?”</p><p>“Yes. My grandmother on my mother’s side was Russian, and I have always thought, as a kid, she was KGB. Still do, to be honest.”</p><p>“What makes you think that?”</p><p>“She was exceptionally bright but always tried to conceal that. She had skills women did not usually have at the time, she was exceptionally good at throwing knives for example. But the one time I caught her practicing outdoors when I was a kid she made me promise not to tell anyone and then told my grandpa we were out on a walk when he asked where we’d been. And, I mean, she could have simply been trying to abide by the expected gender roles of the time. But if you do the math, it was also very strange for a Russian woman to be on US soil during the Cold War.”</p><p>“Wow. That’s... I don’t even know what to say.”</p><p>Castiel chuckles at that. “Yeah, I bet. I, myself, don’t know what to think about it either. I don’t know if I want it to be true or not.”</p><p>“Were you two close?”</p><p>“We were. She passed away when I was in college, peacefully. I miss the comfort she would always provide, her wisdom, and her ability to accept people without ever judging. When I realized I was gay, she was the first person I told.”</p><p>“How did she react?”</p><p>“She told me to make sure to pick someone who was deserving of her grandson. And to just avoid those who do not push their chair back under the table at the end of a meal.” Castiel can’t help the melancholic laugh that accompanies that statement. He misses her so much.</p><p>“What? Why not?” Dean’s laughing too now, and that’s exactly what Castiel was hoping for.</p><p>“She had this theory that people can be grouped into those who put the chair back under the table after eating, and those who don’t and leave it there for someone else to pick up their slack.”</p><p>“Well, shit. I had never thought about it like that but... that makes a lot of sense, actually.”</p><p>“It does, doesn’t it? She always said that the daily routine is what makes a relationship, not the big gestures. And living, day by day, with a slacker would make you go crazy in the end.”</p><p>“She was clearly a very wise woman.”</p><p>“She was. And I loved her dearly.”</p><p>“Thank you. You know, for telling me about her. Now I feel even luckier that you’ve decided to come here and share this experience with me,” Dean almost whispers, as if afraid that saying those words aloud will make Castiel realize what a big thing this is and run for the hills.</p><p>Is this man even real? Because Castiel is starting to think this is all some kind of very elaborate dream. “I don’t tell people about her, usually. But I. Wanted to share this. With you.”</p><p>Dean’s face softens instantly and his eyes shine with a watery gaze. He needs to clear his throat before replying, “I appreciate that, Cas. So much. I, um, like sharing things with you too. A lot.”</p><p>Dean’s feeling vulnerable. It’s written all over his face. Castiel feels an instinctive need to reassure him. To take care of him. “I’m glad you do. I liked texting with you these past few days and that you shared your experiences with me.”</p><p>“You did? Wasn’t it, you know, too much?”</p><p>“Not at all. What makes you think it was?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I mean, we’d just met that morning and there I was, texting you a picture of me exploring the city. I-,” Dean sighs and then clearly decides to say what he was about to say. “I debated sending it. I didn’t want to come across as suffocating. But the truth is, you were the first person I wanted to share those experiences with. Not my friends or family, not even my brother. You.”</p><p>A warm feeling spreads through Castiel’s chest and he knows his smile is honest, pleased and wide. “I’m glad you did, Dean. I really am.”</p><p>The rest of their visit passes by without any more heartfelt confessions. Dean is clearly more relaxed and they enjoy watching all the devices and reading all the cards and posters. The conversation is light and they do banter more than they’ve done so far and before they realize it, they’ve concluded the tour.</p><p>It’s approaching 7 when they exit the museum.</p><p>Dean takes a deep breath and Castiel knows he’s about to ask for something.</p><p>“I was thinking, maybe we could eat something. I mean, together?”</p><p>Castiel was expecting that. It was kind of implicit, really, so he doesn’t understand why Dean seems to be nervous again.</p><p>“Sure. I was counting on it, in fact.” Better to reassure Dean, Castiel feels.</p><p>Dean’s smile confirms that was the right thing to do. Some teasing might also help.</p><p>“Did you do another super detailed research to find us a place, Dean?”</p><p>Dean’s flustered “Shut up” seems to suggest that teasing him was also a good choice. He does appear more relaxed now. But he’s also... embarrassed?</p><p>“No, I was, um, thinking that we could maybe go to my place and I could cook dinner for you?”</p><p>Now <em>that’s</em> something Castiel hadn’t anticipated. This man keeps surprising and blindsiding him and forcing him to make split-second decisions. Rather than irritate him though, which is what usually happens in similar situations, that makes Castiel feel challenged and makes his interest in this man raise even more.</p><p>Does he want to go to Dean’s though? Is he ready for that? Isn’t it too soon? But then again, if he’s thinking of having a relationship with this man, seeing his place and how he keeps it is something he should consider. Surely, there are chairs in his place. However, he needs to make sure they’re on the same page first.</p><p>“Is ‘cook dinner’ code for sex?”</p><p>Dean honest to God chuckles. “No, Cas, it is code for ‘I am a mean cook and want to use that to keep wooing you’.” He replies, using air quotes in an amused impression of Castiel.</p><p>“I know I haven’t got a chance to get lucky tonight, or any time soon, for that matter. But I, um. I like how today’s going. I don’t want it to end. And I frankly would like for us to be somewhere where we can keep talking and don’t need to wait for a table, or food, or be interrupted. I like talking with you. And I like to listen to you when you tell me things.”</p><p>Dean’s grown more and more bashful as he was speaking and almost mumbled the last part. Whether it is because he’s started to feel a bit shy or because he feels like this new connection they are experiencing is one of those fragile things that will disappear if you talk about them out loud, Castiel has no way of knowing. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t find Dean’s words and sentiment extremely endearing.</p><p>“Then I guess we can.”</p><p>Now Dean’s the one who’s surprised. “What? Really?”.</p><p>Castiel can only nod and bite his lower lip to stifle a laugh when he sees Dean’s incredulity playing on his face. He doesn’t miss how Dean’s eyes zero on his mouth, before he lifts his gaze and lets out a clearly happy, “Man, I thought I had zero chances! Luckily I’m a dreamer and bought everything I need to cook a proper burger <em>and</em> my place is tidy, or I’d be sitting on my ass right now!”</p><p>Dean’s grin is happy and infectious, and so is his good humor. He’s so beautiful.</p><p>Their journey back is spent mostly in silence, even though Castiel is pretty sure Balthazar would define what they are doing as “eye fucking”. They are admittedly busy with navigating the traffic and deal with the throngs of people you can only meet on a Sunday evening in New York, so it’s not exactly the ideal situation to have deep or long conversations. But they do seem unable to take their eyes off of each other. Now that Castiel has come to terms with what he feels and what he wants, he sees no need to prevent his attraction to Dean from shining through. Dean seems to be flustered and then pleased and then happy and then aroused by it. Castiel enjoys watching all the little signs on Dean’s gorgeous face and in his body language that signal the passage from one emotional state to the other. How his eyes have passed from darting everywhere else to be permanently locked with Castiel’s. How the respectful distance he was keeping at the beginning of the journey gets shorter and shorter as the trip back to Dean’s place progresses, so much so that they end up chest to chest on the busy metro for the last leg. They both keep one hand in their pocket and the other holding one of the overhead handles, and just stare at each other.</p><p>The only times Castiel lets his gaze stray are justified by the not so subtle interest Dean raises on more than one occasion, when both men and women, even a <em>nun</em> for God’s sake, blatantly check him out. Castiel stares each and every one of them into acknowledging how unwanted an unappreciated their interest is. Clearly, Dean is out of bounds. Dean’s noticed what Castiel was doing every single time, and it only seemed to turn him on. So Castiel has kept doing it anytime that it proved to be necessary, reassured by the knowledge that Dean wants to be out of bounds for anyone but Castiel.</p><p>When they finally get to Dean’s apartment, Castiel breaths a sigh of relief. He isn’t sure he could have helped himself and not fuck Dean in a semi-public space had the journey lasted much longer.</p><p>Dean’s apartment is nothing like he imagined teenage Dean’s room to be, but it’s the perfect reflection of the man he is now. The place is indeed clean and tidy – all the chairs are where they are supposed to be – but it also shows a very personal touch. There’s a gaming console, next to a bookshelf hosting different video and board games and many books (“Those go back to when ebook readers weren’t a thing, you know. Haven’t bought a printed book in years.”). Apparently Dean is a Vonnegut enthusiast, and has read any mayor fantasy book written by the time he graduated, if the complete collection of Tolkien’s works is any indication.</p><p>The cupboard against the wall behind the couch shows a collection of pictures and knick knacks, some of which seem to have been made by a child. When Dean notices him looking, he proceeds to proudly tell him who the people in the pictures are. His friends, his father, his mother, his uncle, his “little brother” – Dean just laughs when Cas’s face clearly disagrees with the use of the adjective “little” and tells him about his family’s theory that “sequoia pollen somehow ended up in his bottles when he was a baby.” The love and pride Dean feels towards his brother only gets more evident when he explains that a few of the knick knacks next to the pictures are art projects Sam did in different stages at school. When Dean says “He always chose me when he was asked who he was making his artwork for, you know” with so much adoration for his little brother, Castiel has to actively restrain himself from pulling him against his chest and never let go.</p><p>That he could ever thought this man to be a monster seems impossible now. He knows he did, and he knows he had a right to. Dean <em>was</em> the monster of his story. But that seems so distant now. It <em>is</em> distant. That was fifteen years ago. The Dean he met again a few months ago has been anything but monstrous.</p><p>His internal turmoil must be visible on his face, because Dean’s carefree, happy smile gets dropped in favor of a flustered expression, following which Dean drops his gaze, clears his throat, thumbs over his shoulder – Castiel is pretty sure that’s not precisely where he means to point at, as the kitchen is actually at their right, not their back – and says “Why don’t you take a seat on the couch while I get you a beer, and you can kill the time in front of the TV as I cook.”</p><p>Castiel takes a critical look at the space around him and determines that, from the couch, he wouldn’t have a chance to really observe Dean while he makes dinner. It’s an open space, and he could see a lot, but not <em>everything</em>. Castiel really wants to do that. See everything. He likes the idea of having Dean squirm under his gaze while he tries to stay focused on what he’s doing. He knows that’s mean. But he’s really enjoying the power he seems to have on the man and how easy he’s able to make him trip over his own words and actions. It’s extremely satisfying. It almost feels like foreplay, and Castiel is horny enough to want to indulge. He’s just going to consider it as part of the payback he still owes Dean for the locker room evening.</p><p>“How about I keep you company in the kitchen while you cook, instead?”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Bingo. A blush is already spreading on Dean’s nose and cheeks.</p><p>“Sure. I mean, if you don’t think that’ll be boring.”</p><p>“No, Dean,” Castiel replies with a particularly gravelly voice and a suggestive tone, “I really don’t think it will be.”</p><p>A swallowing, big-eyed Dean is what Castiel gets in response. This is already so much better than he was expecting.</p><p>“Well, um, let’s. Do it. <em>That</em>. Do <em>that</em>. This way, then.” Much, <em>much</em> better than expected.</p><p>When Dean turns around and Castiel gets an unobstructed view of his ass, he has a moment to consider that this might, in fact, be a mistake. Having a chance to look his fill of that ass and not being able to touch is gonna be torture.</p><p>Castiel decides there and then that’s he’s just gonna file away the sexual frustration he’s about to feel so he can retrieve it when he’ll finally get to fuck that ass, so he can be certain he’ll fuck it as long and as deep as it’s begging to be fucked right now.</p><p>They chat and banter and flirt while Dean cooks. He wasn’t lying when he said he’s a good cook. He’s clearly stoked and arranged the kitchen to his liking, and seeing him move around to collect ingredients, mix and cook them is delightful. He almost seems to be dancing, he even hums under his breath a time or two when there’s a lull in the conversation none of them feels obliged to fill – Dean because he’s busy with his recipe and Castiel because he’s busy staring at Dean and thinking about having his wicked way with him.</p><p>When he offers to set the table – having to insist because Dean claims he should be the one to do that since he’s the host – and Dean finally gives in and tells him where he can find everything, Castiel is hit by how domestic all of this is. Dean has cooked a dinner of homemade burgers and a side salad, he’s setting the table, they’re chatting comfortably. Castiel could get used to coming back to this every night at the end of a long working day.</p><p>When Dean declares dinner ready, they grab a plate each and Dean insists for Cas to sit down while he goes back to the kitchen to take the salad bowl. Such a gentleman.</p><p>“C’mon, Cas, dig in. Hope you like it.” Dean’s smile is a little nervous thing. He’s afraid Cas won’t like his food or won’t consider himself properly wooed if h- “Oh my God, <em>Dean.</em>”</p><p>Castiel should feel like the worst kind of hypocritical asshole for judging Dean for his table manners – well, lack thereof, honestly – when he’s just outright <em>moaned</em> around a bite of his burger. Dean’s delicious blush is a clear sign Cas is not the only one who thinks the sound that just escaped his lips is more appropriate for the bedroom than for the dinner table. But damn, this is one of the best burgers he’s ever eaten.</p><p>“You like, then?”</p><p>‘Oh yes, I <em>like</em> alright,’ Castiel thinks.</p><p>“It’s delicious Dean. This dinner makes me very happy.” His smile is genuine this time. No suggestive or lascivious innuendos. Castiel is having a good time and he wants Dean to know, so he can maybe relax a bit. Playing the part of the host when you have someone over is always a bit nerve wrecking. Especially when you’re also the one who’s cooked <em>and</em> the meal is part of a date with someone who’s been on your mind for over a decade, apparently. Sometimes Castiel still has troubles believing in that part. Dean thinking about him for fifteen years. Castiel spent a considerable amount of time over the last months of his senior year in high school and his freshman year in college thinking about Dean. And he’d lie if he said they were all bad thoughts. Sometimes he couldn’t help replaying a compilation of Dean’s smiles in his head, for example. But he would never dwell on those thoughts for too long, the angst linked to the locker room incident strong enough to chase away the good memories. But he slowly stopped thinking about him every day. Until he managed to go years without so much as remembering Dean even existed or that they had ever crossed paths. All the while Dean had been thinking about him constantly instead. How had the tables turned.</p><p>“I’m glad, Cas, I really am.” The little proud smile on Dean’s face makes Castiel smile in response. He... likes it when Dean smiles.</p><p>Castiel takes the presence of the bookshelf on his left as an opportunity to ask about Dean’s favorite books, and he launches into a monologue about his likes and dislikes, which somehow ends up revolving around how film adaptations are often very disappointing but not always.</p><p>All the while Castiel can’t help eye fucking Dean. He’s totally aware that’s what he’s doing. He even tried not to do it at first, he really wanted to have a quiet conversation while they ate and get to know Dean a little bit better still. But by all the gods past, present and future, in this universe and every other, is Dean beautiful. And when he’s animated, as he clearly is now as he talks about his nerdy passions, his beauty trespasses into gorgeousness and it’s all Castiel can do not to yank him forward on his lap and demand Dean ride him like his life depended on it.</p><p>“Cas, um, I’m not even sure you’re listening? You’ve kinda just been staring at me for the last few minutes...”</p><p>“I have.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because I like looking at you,” Cas replies without missing a beat. “A lot,” he adds with what he knows is a lust-filled gaze and a predatory smile.</p><p>Dean shifts in his chair. “Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that... I got laid.”</p><p>He can’t fuck Dean tonight though, can he? Bend him over the dinner table and drive his cock into his ass as hard as he can? Too soon, right?</p><p>Right.</p><p>With a sigh, he sadly decides to relent with the heavy flirting. He almost starts feeling sorry for Dean’s ass. With how much sexual frustration he’s accumulating just tonight, he’ll end up positively destroying it the first time he gets to bury himself in it.</p><p>“You’re right, it’s too soon for that.”</p><p>“Too soon? That means... I mean, so you, um, think we will, you know, one day?”</p><p>What an adorable, flustered dork.</p><p>“If I can put it a little more eloquently, yes, Dean, I think that, if things keep going as well as they have being going, there will be a lot of sex in our future. Sex that you and I will have together.”</p><p>“That’s-, um, good to know,” it’s the only reply Dean is able to verbalize, while his cheeks are basically catching fire and his hands can’t stop fidgeting. He’s also squirming in his seat. He must be at least semi hard. Castiel can understand his predicament all too well.</p><p>After that, the conversation goes back to safer topics, like Dean telling him that he doesn’t have to go to work the following morning, as they have to change the windows in his office and it will take a couple of hours, so his boss told him to just go in the afternoon.</p><p>When they’re done with dinner, Castiel insists on helping Dean cleaning the evidence of their dinner away before going back home. Dean switches on his stereo, claiming that he absolutely hates cleaning and he can only bring himself to do it if he can have a reward. Dean talking about a duty-reward dynamic does not send Castiel’s mind to the gutter. Uh uh.</p><p>They work well together, clearing the table first and then moving to the kitchen to wash and dry the dishes and wipe the cupboards. Castiel asks Dean about his favorite music and gets to see him light up again and tell him about his all time favorite bands, songs and singers and about how excited he is that a band he likes a lot right now, something like Kaleo, will perform live in New York and he plans on snatching a ticket as soon as they start selling.</p><p>“I could, I mean, buy two? If you, um, wanted to come with me? They’re great, I promise.”</p><p>“As long as it’s not some electronic crap-“</p><p>Castiel doesn’t get to finish his sentence before Dean throws his head back and laughs loudly. “Oh man, I thought I’d never hear you swear! I didn’t think you even <em>knew</em> how to do that,” he says as a way of explaining. When he finally sobers, a wide smile is still on his beautiful face, a sparkle in his eyes, and he looks relaxed and happy. Castiel feels something inside his heart soften at the same time as desire pools in his guts, and the last shreds of his indecision are thrown to the wind.</p><p>He takes the two steps that separate them and puts his hands on each side of Dean’s face, pulling him towards himself not too aggressively, but not too gently either. Dean’s stunned for a couple of seconds, his hands up in the air by their side and his lips unmoving. It doesn’t escape Castiel’s notice that this is their first kiss. Something they could have shared fifteen years ago, but are sharing now for the first time instead. That could be what’s shocking Dean so much. Or the fact that he really didn’t expect Castiel to kiss him tonight. Castiel didn’t expect Castiel to kiss Dean tonight either.</p><p>As soon as the initial shock passes though, Dean’s hands go to grip the back of Castiel’s shirt and he presses closer, a sound very close to a whimper leaving his lips the moment he starts kissing back. Dean’s not trying to lead in anyway. He’s not using his grip on Castiel to pull him closer, he’s not moving his head or lips or tongue unless it’s in response to Castiel’s actions. Castiel can feel how tightly closed Dean’s knuckles are against his back, like he’s afraid Castiel might float away if Dean loosens his hold. And he can feel how Dean’s ready to part his lips and let Castiel’s tongue invade his mouth and stroke slowly against his own. How he’s ready to tilt his head to the right when Castiel tilts his to the left and vice versa. Dean is letting Castiel take whatever he wants and that’s making his blood boil.</p><p>He needs to <em>know</em>.</p><p>Breaking the kiss so he can look straight into Dean’s eyes, Castiel asks the one question he knows only Dean – and, he supposes, time – can really give an answer to.</p><p>“Are you really this person, Dean Winchester?”</p><p>Dean doesn’t need him to elaborate. Doesn’t reply with “What do you mean?”. He knows. He’s known all along the dance they’ve danced so far was meant to give Castiel the time and the means to make up his mind.</p><p>“I am, Cas, I promise you I am. And if you give me a second chance I totally know my past self doesn’t deserve I swear I’ll spend every day from now on being deserving of it.”</p><p><em>Fuck</em> too soon.</p><p>“Then point me in the direction of your bedroom.”</p><p>Dean’s face freezes in surprise, eyes and mouth wide open, for a second, before he springs into action, grabbing Castiel by the wrist and dragging him along, almost tripping on his own feet a couple of times in his haste. He’s probably afraid Castiel will change his mind if Dean allows him to have enough time to think about what they’re doing rationally. Castiel feels a tug in his heart when he realizes that. When he realizes that Dean must want to have this hard enough that he’s ready to give himself completely even knowing that Castiel might change his mind either now, or tomorrow.</p><p>But there’s no changing his mind now. Not unless Dean – present Dean – does anything to warrant that. Castiel doesn’t think he will. Even better, Castiel <em>feels</em> that he won’t.</p><p>Dean switches the stereo off on their way and the sudden silence makes their accelareted breaths sound deafening. When they get to the bedroom, Dean lets go of Castiel’s wrist and turns around to face him, the bed at his back. He’s taking deep breats, completely unmoving, watching Castiel silently. He’s waiting for Castiel’s next move. ‘I’m here, if you want me. Come and get me,’ his all demeanor is screaming.</p><p>So Castiel does. In one stride he collides with Dean, one hand going to fist in his hair while the other circles around his waist and tugs him against Castiel. He kisses him hard, filthy, plundering his mouth with his tongue and teeth, licking, sucking, biting. Dean lets him. He lets him do whatever he wants with him. His hands and arms are around Castiel’s shoulders and he’s plastering himself to Castiel’s front, but he’s not doing anything other than that. Other than making himself open and available for Castiel to do as he pleases.</p><p>“God, I wanna fuck you so bad Dean.”</p><p>Dean actually <em>groans</em>. “God, yes, <em>please</em>.”</p><p>His eagerness and desperation surprise Castiel. Who should have stopped being surprised to be surprised by this man by now. “Really?” he can’t help but ask.</p><p>Dean frowns and pulls back an inch. “Y-Yeah?”</p><p>“It’s just... I’d thought it’d be much harder to convince you to bottom.” Castiel knows that’s not the best thing to say right now. It must sound – it <em>does</em> sound, even to his own ears – like a passive aggressive remark aimed at guilt tripping and shaming Dean. But if they are doing this, really doing this, they need to be completely honest with each other from the get go. And it’s not like the mechanics of how to have gay sex are a secondary matter in a queer relationship. Some gay couples spend their lives together without ever having penetrative sex. He needs to know that’s something that Dean wants, before he tries to stick his dick inside of him, at the very least.</p><p>Add to that that, even though Castiel believes Dean is grown up into a different person, it’s just not that easy to supersede something he’s thought for many years with something he’s known for a few months. He needs to talk about this kind of thing with Dean openly.</p><p>As expected, Castiel sees a flash of hurt in Dean’s eyes. Both of them know that’s the kind of thought which is still linked to Dean’s alpha male image in high school.</p><p>Dean clears his throat and lowers his gaze. “I like topping, so if you were ever interested in switching, I wouldn’t say no. But I like bottoming more. I really do.” Dean lifts his gaze up, defiant, daring Castiel to mock him for his admission. He’s <em>never</em> been more beautiful. Scared about Castiel’s reaction but still confident in himself enough that he won’t let anyone, not even Castiel, belittle him for who he is. Castiel wants to <em>devour</em> him. “And honestly I still can’t believe you’re giving me this chance at all, so I’d take anything you wanted to give me. If you said that I can only come by rutting against you and creaming my pants, I’d say yes.” And now Castiel wants to wrap him up in a fluffy blanket and shield him from the rest of the world.</p><p>“Do you really want this that much?”</p><p>Dean’s eye roll is unexpected, and totally exasperated, as if he can’t believe Castiel is this dense. “I don’t want this, Cas. I want <em>you</em>. I have for half my life. And nothing would make me happier than being as connected to you as I possibly can.”</p><p>His timid smile does Castiel in. Dean’s making himself completely vulnerable. Castiel thought he knew what it meant to be vulnerable and exposed to someone who can crash you, that day in the locker room. But Dean is showing  him that you can be far more vulnerable and exposed than he had been that day.</p><p>Castiel will not take this gift and shatter it on the floor. He’ll take care of it. Of Dean. They’re no longer kids. It’s time they stopped hurting each other.</p><p>“How do you wanna do this?”</p><p>“I told you, Cas, however you want.”</p><p>“That’s not what I wanna know, Dean. Tell me how <em>you</em> would like for us to do this.”</p><p>Dean’s eyes drop and he presses closer to Castiel again. He seems to need the closeness to feel reassured. Castiel suspects he didn’t think he’d be given a choice in the matter. He really was ready to give himself over completely and not be asked to voice his own desires. They clearly will have to work on Dean’s sense of self worth. And Castiel will have to do a far better job at making Dean feel wanted and cared for. “Face to face,” Dean says, voice so low it’s almost a whisper. “I wanna look into your eyes, Cas,” Dean’s eyes snap up, desperate for Castiel to see the truth in them, “God, I missed your eyes <em>so</em> much, I want them to <em>see me</em> again.”</p><p>All bets are off. There’s no chance Castiel could ever deny Dean now. Dean really had feelings for him in high school. And the way Castiel had all but cut ties with him after the locker room had hurt Dean as much as Castiel, although for different reasons. Castiel had been crashed by doubt, disappointment and disillusionment. Dean by guilt and self hatred. A self hatred he probably couldn’t even understand fully back then. Because it stemmed from his lack of courage to come out when he still didn’t understand that was even the reason, as he only acknowledged his bisexuality years later.</p><p>“As you wish,” Castiel replies, hoping Dean will be pleased by his choice of words.</p><p>The sun seems to rise on his face, so Castiel assumes Dean is pleased indeed.</p><p>He kisses him again then, slow and exploratory, with much less urgency and much more attention. Dean seems to love the slowing in pace, given his pleased sighs and how bonelessly he seems to sag against Castiel.</p><p>Clothes are shed just as slowly, one undressing the other, taking the opportunity to look and touch and kiss and lick and nib when new flesh is revealed. Castiel has an obsession for the hollow of Dean’s throat. He keeps swiping his tongue along it and biting it gently, enjoying Dean’s soft moans in response. This is an amazing revelation. Dean is <em>so</em> responsive. He reacts to physical touch like a piano reacts to someone pressing its keys.</p><p>Once they’re both naked, Castiel starts walking them forward, toward the bed. Dean lets himself be guided backward without ever breaking their kissing or opening his eyes. He’s trusting Castiel will not steer them wrong.</p><p>Jesus, this man knows how to make a man feel like a deity.</p><p>Once the back of Dean’s knees touch the bed, they tumbled down together, snickering like the teenagers they no longer are. It’s surprisingly easy to be with Dean like this. Dean’s body is so welcoming, Castiel feels at home already. They kiss and explore some more, until Castiel decides it’s time to move to the next phase.</p><p>When he asks Dean to roll over, a little crease appears between his brows and a flash of disappointment appears in his eyes, but he smooths both away quickly. Not quickly enough that Castiel doesn’t see. “Trust me, Dean, I’ve got you.” Castiel hopes his smile and his eyes are able to convey his sincerity. He <em>will</em> take Dean face to face. Nothing will make him happier than seeing the perfect face he’s always been obsessed with drunk on pleasure because of <em>him</em>. But he needs to prep Dean thoroughly. Castiel knows that his girth requires it and he will not start their relationship by hurting Dean. Not emotionally, and not physically.</p><p>Dean seems to relax and smiles back, before rolling over. Castiel helps him and then spends a few minutes just watching and caressing and kissing along Dean’s shoulders and back and beautiful, magnificent, perfect ass. Castiel can’t believe Dean’s letting him get in there.</p><p>Dean relaxes even more under Castiel’s ministrations, having clearly understood that this is all foreplay, but that Castiel doesn’t mean to take him from behind. Not this time at least.</p><p>Dean’s relaxation vanishes in a swoosh at the first puff of breath on his hole. And it’s replaced by a symphony of moans and whines as Castiel’s tongue gets more and more familiar with it. Castiel wants Dean loose, open, sloppy with his spit. He wants him to know how meticulously Castiel can take him apart with just his tongue, before he <em>ruins</em> him with his cock. Because that’s what Castiel is aiming for. Ruining Dean Winchester for anyone else.</p><p>Until a few months ago, he had never entertained the idea of ever having Dean by his side. Dean was a distant memory, one perpetually linked with ache and humiliation and regret and, as such, swiftly buried under tons of other thoughts every time it dared resurface.</p><p>But now that he has met him again, all the feelings Castiel had for the boy Dean once was have come back with a vengeance, and have intertwined with the feelings he’s developing for the man that Dean is now.</p><p>Letting Dean go a second time is not an option. He’s keeping Dean close this time. He’s giving Dean everything he might want and need, so Dean won’t ever need to look anywhere else.</p><p>“Condoms and lube in the bed side table, I presume?” He asks once he’s satisfied with the work his tongue has done.</p><p>“-is drawer,” Dean replies, gesturing half-heartedly in the direction of the top drawer. Castiel can’t help but chuckle. “Dick,” Dean informs him with mock betrayal. Castiel’s chuckle gets louder.</p><p>The condoms are not his favorite brand or his favorite size, and Castiel spends a moment cursing his lack of preparation, before he reminds himself that fucking Dean tonight was very much not part of the plan. They’ll be better prepared next time. Which will be tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after.</p><p>He grabs one and places it on the bed, before grabbing the lube. Dean’s already loose from his tongue fucking, so he uses two fingers right away. Dean moans like a whore and his hands close into fists on the pillow. “Oh god, <em>yes.</em>”</p><p>He really wasn’t lying. Dean Winchester <em>is</em> a bottom.</p><p>Castiel is methodical, not wanting to take any chance, but he doesn’t drag this out too much either. Although the sight of his fingers disappearing inside Dean’s hole in groups of two, then three, then four, while Dean moans, and pants, and whimpers and rocks back against them, and curses and arches his beautiful back when Castiel strokes his prostate, is mesmerizing, finger fucking Dean is not the end goal here. It will be one day. Castiel has many ideas about how to use Dean’s body to bring them both the maximum pleasure. But today the end goal is to get his cock inside Dean’s ass and push and pull until they both come.</p><p>When Castiel feels Dean is ready, he takes his fingers out gently, and places a kiss on his back. “Roll over.”</p><p>Dean takes a few seconds to comply, clearly fogged by pleasure and, possibly, focused on not coming just yet.</p><p>Castiel takes the opportunity to roll a condom on himself, and when he’s done and looks at Dean, he sees him laid on his back but lifted on his elbows, thighs parted invitingly and gaze hungry and fixed on Castiel’s cock.</p><p>“Jesus, you’re big.”</p><p>That statement is not accompanied by an underling tone of worry, like Castiel has heard in the past when the men who’ve bottomed for him realized his dick was about to be pushed into their asses. No, Dean’s tone is eager and pleased. Dean can’t wait to be speared on Castiel’s cock.</p><p>Dean Winchester <em>is a bottom.</em></p><p>“I’m aware. I hope that doesn’t bother you?” Castiel asks, knowing the answer all too well already, while he starts crawling over Dean’s body on his hands and knees.</p><p>“No,” Dean whispers, seemingly unable to focus on anything but Castiel’s approach and his lowering himself on Dean’s body.</p><p>Castiel kisses him slow and tender, while one of his hands sneaks between them to guide his erection against Dean’s hole. His lips swallow Dean’s little moans in response to that, and to the teasing Castiel subjects him too. Like his mental self has done some many times in his fantasies, Castiel drags the tip of his cock against Dean’s hole a few times, a sneak peak of what’s about to happen. He then starts to push in, slowly, carefully. He doesn’t meet too much resistance. He didn’t really expect any, with how thoroughly Dean’s been prepped and with how eager he is, which has him relaxed and unclenching, rather than tense and clenching. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t take his time and gets in at glacial pace. He will not hurt Dean.</p><p>Once he finally bottoms out, sweat on his forehead matching the sweat on Dean’s upper lip and chest, Castiel rolls his hips a little and Dean moans unabashedly.</p><p>“You like that?”</p><p>“Yes, shit, yes I do.”</p><p>“Yeah, you love being stuffed full?”</p><p>“Fuck-, yeah. Size kink is definitely in my top five.”</p><p>Oh, this is glorious “Yeah?” Castiel prompts, rolling his hips again, with a little more intent this time. “What else?”</p><p>Dean’s really holding nothing back. “Praise kink.”</p><p>Castiel can see how Dean might need to be praised and reassured. That he is good, that he’s doing fine. His old high school image might still have its claws dug into a part of his soul. No matter, Castiel can work with that.</p><p>“That’s not gonna be a problem. Not-, not when you’re so good it’s literally impossible not to tell you.”</p><p>Dean shuts his eyes tightly and moans wantonly. Praising really does it for him. Duly noted.</p><p>“What else, Dean, tell me.” The rocking of his hips starts increasing fractionally, a slow, steady pull and push that lets his cock in and out of Dean’s ass gently, but firmly.</p><p>Dean opens his eyes and looks at Castiel, hesitant. “Dirty talk.” His hesitation increases and the tone of his voice lowers when he adds, “But, like, no name calling, I don’t like that.”</p><p>Of course, the opposite of praise kink.</p><p>“But it’s OK if I call you my beautiful boy?”</p><p>Relief floods Dean, Castiel can see it in his eyes, and his smile. “Yeah. But, not...pretty. Never pretty.”</p><p>They’re so going to discuss that “unsolicited interest” from “persistent people” sooner rather than later.</p><p>“Never, ever.” Castiel kisses him. He feels Dean needs to be reassured and, frankly, Castiel can use the reassurance himself. That this is really happening, that this is real, that Dean is giving him everything like this.</p><p>“So it’s OK if I say that I love fucking my beautiful boy’s tight ass?”</p><p>Dean’s moan seems to have been punched out of him without his permission. “Fuck, <em>yeah</em>, it <em>is</em>.”</p><p>“What else do you like, Dean. Tell me how to make you feel good.”</p><p>“I like...marking.”</p><p>That’s good, because his throat is already marked and Castiel doesn’t think the bruise will fade before a couple of days. Whoops.</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“Love bites, fingerprints on my hips, ah, my-, shoulders, hickeys, and..”</p><p>“And?” Castiel prompts while sucking on Dean’s shoulder hard enough to leave another bruise behind.</p><p>“Come. I like – shit – being marked with come. Inside and-, out.”</p><p>Jesus Christ, this man. How did Castiel’s nemesis turn into his perfect partner?</p><p>“Yeah? You’ll let me come inside you? Let me come on your face?”</p><p>“Mmm, yes, fuck, yes, <em>please</em>.”</p><p>“Shhh,” Castiel shushes him with a kiss, thinking that they’ll have to get tested within the week because now that Dean’s planted the seed – <em>ha!</em> - in his mind, Castiel needs to flood Dean’s channel with his come and watch it sip out of him.</p><p>“We still miss one.”</p><p>“Wh-, What?”</p><p>“We still miss the fifth kink in your top five.”</p><p>Dean’s disbelieve is adorable. His expression is screaming ‘How the fuck are you able to keep count <em>now</em>?’ Dean will find out, in time, how much Castiel is able to be laser focused on something, when he wants it badly enough. And he wants to know everything about Dean. <em>Badly</em>.</p><p>But then he replies, a fond smile tugging on his kiss-swollen lips. “I like being held down. Like to be... owned, completely.”</p><p>“Like this?” Castiel checks, while pinning both of Dean’s arms above his head with his hands.</p><p>“Yes,” Dean’s nodding frantically, “just like that.” He does lift his head to get a kiss though, and Castiel can’t deny it. Dean’s lips are addictive. “You’re a needy bottom, Dean, aren’t you?”</p><p>“For you? <em>Always</em>.”</p><p>What an adorable<em> dork</em>. “First <em>The Princess Bride</em> and now <em>Harry Potter</em>, my boy?”</p><p>Dean’s smile is radiant, the kind of smile someone gifts you with when they feel seen and accepted. Dean is a smart, gorgeous, hot as fuck dork with a tight ass he’s giving Castiel to fuck as savagely as he wants. Somehow, this whole thing has turned from Castiel teaching Dean a lesson to Castiel winning the lottery.</p><p>Dean strains against his hold to lift his head in a silent request for a kiss. <em>Of course</em> Castiel grants him what he’s asking for.</p><p>He tightens his hold on Dean’s wrists and presses more heavily onto him, effectively caging him in and holding him down like Dean asked. He changes the rhythm of his hips to long, slow, but deep, thrusts. The power behind each of them has him fold Dean almost in half, and Dean does help him by spreading his thighs as wide as they go and hooking his feet below Castiel’s ass and using their hold to pull him in.</p><p>They’re really as closely connected as they can be, like Dean wanted.</p><p>It’s <em>heaven</em>.</p><p>But then Dean starts moving his own hips to get more of Castiel inside of him, and Cas stills the movement of his hips in response. He breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against Dean’s. “That’s it, my beautiful, perfect boy,” he manages to let out with the little breath he has right now, “make yourself feel good, Dean, take what you need. Whatever you need.”</p><p>Dean is uncertain at first, clearly trying to understand if Castiel means what he’s said, but then he starts, tentatively at first and then with vigor, to roll his hips in a sinuous motion. Those trim hips Castiel is gonna spend hours kissing and licking and sucking and biting and touching very soon. The rolling of Dean’s hips lets Castiel’s cock drag in and out of his ass in a way that seems to be making Dean delirious, if his increasingly loud noises and his inability to keep his eyes open are to be trusted. It takes Castiel a few moments to realize that Dean has angled his hips so that his prostate is hit every time Dean moves. Castiel didn’t think he’d ever like something like this, but he does. He really, really does. He’s keeping perfectly still, and letting Dean use him for his own pleasure, giving Dean a hard, warm dick to impale himself against. It doesn’t mean that he’s not enjoying the stimulation on his erection immensely, and he’s not watching how Dean’s hips make his cock disappear inside his ass avidly. The moment he moves just a fraction to adjust his hold on Dean’s wrist, however, his muscles relax some and he realizes that keeping himself that tense was keeping his orgasm at bay, but he’s much, much closer than he thought.</p><p>Acting on instinct, he brings one of his hands to Dean’s cock and starts stripping him hard and fast, while his own hips go back to moving frantically, helping him chase his climax.</p><p>The sudden change in stimulation seems to send Dean’s senses haywire and he cries out as he comes, so hard that some of his release ends on his chin.</p><p>His aftershocks haven’t abated yet when Castiel feels the pressure in his groin grow impossibly, until it snaps and he comes with one last powerful thrust and a possessive bite to Dean’s shoulder. Dean did say he likes marking. Thank <em>fuck</em> he does, because Castiel just couldn’t help himself.</p><p>He then sags onto Dean. Dean, who’s pliant and boneless under him and doesn’t protest, but wraps his arms around Castiel’s back loosely.</p><p>Dean’s hands start caressing him while they bask in the afterglow, until the need to get rid of the condom becomes unbearable. He lifts himself up with some effort, nuzzles Dean’s cheek and kisses his lips before carefully slipping out and getting out of bed.</p><p>“Stay right where you are, gorgeous. I’ll be back with a cloth.”</p><p>He walks out of the room, aware that Dean’s probably ogling his naked, retreating ass and feeling empowered by that knowledge, and goes to the bathroom. He cleans himself up and then rinses a towel with warm water to go back to Dean.</p><p>Once he’s brushed away all the traces of come from his chest and of lube from his ass – it didn’t pass unnoticed that Dean wasn’t shy, but rather eager, for that part, which is further proof of how much Dean likes being taken care of – Castiel drops the towel on the floor and lies down next to Dean.</p><p>“You’re staying, right?”</p><p>“I am. Sleep, Dean,” Castiel replies, before kissing him. A gentle, but firm and reassuring press of his lips on Dean’s. Dean’s lips are just so <em>kissable</em>.</p><p>He’s rewarded by a happy and sated smile, and Castiel vows to do whatever he can to always put that smile on Dean’s face. Dean rolls onto his side then and Castiel plasters himself against his back, arm around Dean’s chest, legs pressed against his, with his knees into the crook of Dean’s.</p><p>Dean heaves a sigh and puts his own arm above the one Castiel has thrown around him. “Night, Cas.”</p><p>“Night, my beautiful boy.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well????</p><p>Next chapter up on Sunday! 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. “My 15 year reunion is at the end of the year...”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The morning after. And then some.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks everyone for the feedback on the last update! Hope you're all safe and healthy out there. </p><p>As for this chapter, it's time we saw things from Dean's pov, isn't it? Please enjoy 😊</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean blinks a couple of times against the morning light, which is... brighter than usual. Right, he didn’t set his alarm because he doesn’t have to work this morning so he can-. <em>Cas</em>.</p><p>He turns around expecting to see him next to him but no. Cas’s gone. The sudden movement causes the soreness in his backside to flare, very much proving that last night was not a dream. He’s still completely naked too, just like he was when he fell asleep.</p><p>It wasn’t a dream. It’s happened.</p><p>Cas kissed him for the first time. They had sex for the first time. And now Cas is gone. Dean’s clothes are still scattered on the floor haphazardly, where they landed last night when they undressed each other without much care for their surroundings. Castiel’s clothes are all but gone instead. There’s no sign of him. It’s like he’s never even been here.</p><p>Dean falls back on the mattress, his breathing labored, his hands on his face.</p><p>He feels like crying.</p><p>He takes a few deep breaths, trying to bring his heart rate back to normal and send the tears he feels pooling in his eyes back where they belong – in the rational part of his conscious mind where he’s known this was a possibility all along. That he’d open up to Cas completely and he’d be found lacking anyway. That what he had done in high school was unforgivable enough that it couldn’t warrant a second chance, in spite of his best efforts, but only humiliation and revenge.</p><p>He tries to tell himself that at least he now knows what he feels like to date Castiel Novak. Even though it’s clear it was never real for Cas, it still was for him. He’s dated Cas for a few blissful weeks. Dean now knows what it means to be flirted with by Castiel Novak. To spend hours texting with him and talking about everything and nothing and find Cas’s use of proper grammar in texts adorable. To share his thoughts about one of the most challenging experiences of Dean’s life, his moving to New York, with him and having him listen and offer suggestions and words of support. To see Cas smile and look at Dean as if no one else exists. To kiss and by kissed by Castiel Novak. To make love with Castiel Novak – because that’s what last night was to Dean – while his forget-me-not blues never leave Dean, not even for a second. To tell him about himself and learn about Cas in return, like when he told him about his grandma. Dean feels so <em>stupid</em> now. He really thought that meant they were making progress, that Cas was really opening up to him.</p><p>He honestly doesn’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse. On the one hand, he supposes, he now knows something he’s wondered and dreamed about for fifteen years, so that should be an argument in favor of it being a blessing.</p><p>Dean snorts and shakes his head. It’s <em>not</em> a fucking blessing. It’s a <em>curse</em>. To know that Cas is even more gentle, attentive and incredible a partner than Dean had ever dared hope he’d be.</p><p>To know he’s a giving lover. Dean supposes he should be grateful to Cas for that. He could have been far rougher and meaner while he was taking his revenge. But he wasn’t. He could have fucked Dean however he wanted, Dean would have let him. He could have just bent him over and screwed him fast and dirty, but he didn’t. He let Dean decide how they’d do it, he prepped him like he needed to be prepped and was patient and gentle while doing it too. Dean knows that Cas is big enough that, if he only had used three fingers rather than four, Dean would have felt a very different kind of burn. But Cas spared him. He even let Dean have his pleasure, satisfying all his kinks one by one, without ever mocking him for them, and he made sure Dean would come.</p><p>He’d been so tender afterwards, as he was cleaning Dean up, too. Dean needs to bite one of his fists to stop the sob that’s halfway to his lips. Dean felt so...cherished. And then he’d stayed. Cas had given him that too. Knowing how it feels to fall asleep the happiest you’ve ever been, with the man you love wrapped around you, feeling safe and protected. Because Dean is self aware enough now to know that the feelings he’s had for years have only intensified and taken permanent root in his heart in the last few weeks. The more Dean got to talk with Cas and spend time with him, the more he realized he was exactly the smart, quirky, confident, strong man Dean was hoping he’d be. Dean had fallen for him body, mind and soul.</p><p>Or maybe, that was part of the revenge too? The cruelest part? Letting Dean know <em>exactly</em> what he’s lost? What he’s never had, in fact. Which shouldn’t even surprise him. Cas is <em>completely</em> out of Dean’s league now. Hell, he was out of his league in high school already.</p><p>It’s Dean’s fault, really. He’s just been stupid. He knew he shouldn’t have started thinking he could really have Cas. He managed to be guarded for the first few days, even though he was always completely honest and open with Castiel. But he would remind himself, at the end of each day, that he shouldn’t let his heart start feeling like he and Cas would soon happily sail into the sun together. But he had stopped after some time. It was just becoming too difficult not to get attached. It all was feeling so true, so <em>real</em>.</p><p>Clearly, that wasn’t the first time Dean’s made a mistake when Cas was involved. Or in general. Utterly <em>stupid</em> as he is, it won’t probably be the last time either. Making mistakes is a skill Dean has in spades.</p><p>Dean can’t stifle the angry laugh that escapes his mouth while his hand wipes just as angrily the one tear that has managed to fall in spite of his efforts to prevent just that.</p><p>Wallowing in self pity won’t change anything, and it won’t help. That’s what evenings, and whiskey bottles, are for. Now, he has to get up and try to put himself back together enough to be able to go to work in the afternoon.</p><p>Thank god he only has half a day work ahead of him today. A small miracle, but a most welcome one.</p><p>The first step must be a shower. Dean usually has a coffee at the very least before doing anything else in the morning, but he feels the need to wash himself clean. He feels dirty and...spoilt. A shower will help, he’s sure.</p><p>He’s almost afraid to leave the bedroom though. He knows Castiel didn’t leave anything in here, but he doesn’t know that if he goes to the living room or kitchen, hell, possibly the very door to his apartment, he won’t find a snarky note about how his ass had been good enough that the time Castiel’s wasted on him hasn’t been all wasted after all, but he shouldn’t call Cas ever again, or something equally degrading. Same reason why Dean will delay looking at his phone for as long as he possibly can. If Cas didn’t leave a note, he might have sent Dean a text along those lines.</p><p>No.</p><p>Cas wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t stoop so low. Not because Dean doesn’t deserve it, but because he would never debase himself like that. He’s probably just decided to ghost Dean altogether. Ignore him completely and let his absence and silence do the talking. Let Dean get the message without ever explicitly sending one. That’s almost a comforting thought. That there might, in fact, be nothing waiting for him outside this room that could possibly make this moment even worse than it is.</p><p>Even if there is, it’s not like he can live the rest of his life in his bedroom. So he takes one last, deep breath and gets up from bed. The soreness in his ass makes him wince and makes tears start pooling in his eyes again. He knows the tears are not caused by the physical pain, which is really more of a background feeling. A feeling he’d be delighted to feel, for days on end, if he could have kept Cas. A feeling that would constantly remind him that Cas wanted him. Right now, that feeling is just a reminder of how much Cas does <em>not</em> want him. That’s what his tears are for.</p><p>Dean just gives up and let them flow. Maybe he’ll feel better.</p><p>He leaves the bedroom to go take a shower and his breath catches in his throat when he sees there <em>is</em> a note on the kitchen table. Next to what is clearly a breakfast delivery from... Sarabeth’s? He’s walking toward the kitchen before he even registers what he’s doing and grabs the note with trembling hands. ‘I have to start work super early today, I hadn’t counted on last afternoon turning out like it did, and I didn’t want to wake you, you needed the rest. Enjoy breakfast and call me when you are done, okay? Can’t wait to see you again. Yours, Cas.’</p><p>Dean’s so relieved his head is spinning and he feels like he can’t breathe.</p><p>Castiel didn’t leave him behind.</p><p>He laughs out loud, while his tears start falling again, but for a completely different reason.</p><p>Castiel didn’t leave him. It was true. It <em>is</em> true. Everything. All of it.</p><p>Dean’s worked himself into a panic for no reason. He just. He let his insecurities and his guilt get the best of him. He woke up alone and jumped to the worst possible conclusions. He still can’t believe this is real and that someone like Cas might want him. Even though from the moment Cas showed up in his lobby the previous day he hadn’t done anything but showing Dean how much he wanted to be on a date with him and how all in he was about it. He even paid for the museum tickets and emphasized the word ‘date.’ And he looked at Dean, both on the metro, and during dinner, as if it was all he could do not to have his way with him right there and then. Dean had felt so <em>wanted</em>.</p><p>He needs to stop thinking like that. He must stop letting guilt and insecurity control his reactions instead of being the one to do that, or he’ll screw this up for both of them. <em>Again</em>.</p><p>There’ll be time to analyze that later though. He needs to call Cas right the fuck <em>now</em>.</p><p>The phone barely rings that Cas is already replying with “Hello Dean, how is my beautiful farm boy this morning?”</p><p>That <em>undoes</em> Dean, and the lump in his throat comes out as a choke-out sob.</p><p>“Dean? Dean, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“Noth -,” Dean needs to clear his throat, “nothing, I,” a sigh is also a good idea, “I’m just happy to hear from you.”</p><p>Dean knows the tears in his voice are impossible to ignore. So he’s not surprised when Castiel calls him out. “Dean, please tell me the truth. What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I, um, I woke up alone.”</p><p>“I left you a note-“</p><p>“No, I know, I found it. And breakfast. From Sarabeth’s. Thank you, by the way, that was amazingly thoughtful, and very romantic. I-, I like that you did that, a lot.”</p><p>“Then why do you sound so sad?”</p><p>“I’m not. I’m emotional, but not sad. I-,” Dean’s feeling so stupid all of a sudden, but it won’t do to lie to Cas. “I just... when I woke up alone, I thought you’d just left, and, I mean. I thought you were done with me. Got me back for how awful I was with you in the past and just moved on.”</p><p>The silence stretches on for a few seconds longer than normal. So Dean adds, “and when I got to the kitchen and found breakfast and the note, I felt so relieved and stupid, and then you called me your beautiful farm boy and I,” Dean needs to pause again to just <em>breathe</em>, “I guess too many emotions. Sorry.”</p><p>“Oh Dean, no, don’t apologize. It’s-,” Castiel cutting himself off to sigh isn’t a frequent occurrence. Dean’s anxiety is back in a heartbeat.</p><p>“I’ll admit that’s what I planned to do at first.” Dean’s chest aches with the pain Castiel’s confession is causing him. None of this was real?</p><p>“I mean, at the conference. When you said you were moving to New York, I thought you hadn’t changed, not really, and were trying to manipulate me. That’s why I gave you my card.”</p><p>Dean had suspected as much, but-</p><p>“But it hasn’t been like that since the High Line. I mean, I did enjoy torturing you a bit and making you work for it.” Castiel’s chucking now, and that does wonders to calm Dean’s anxiety. “I just couldn’t let the opportunity go without taking advantage of it at least a tiny bit, don’t you agree?”</p><p>Dean huffs a watery laugh in spite of himself. “I suppose.”</p><p>“But I would have never let what’s happened last night happen if my plan had been to just yank your chain. I don’t sleep around, Dean. And as much as what you did to me in high school hurt immensely back then, and for years after, we were kids. Now we’re grown up men, doing something like that to you would have been unjustifiable.”</p><p>“So I, um, will see you again?”</p><p>“Of course you will. In fact, why don’t you come pick me up at work this afternoon?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yes. We can finally go visit Central Park. We can at least start exploring one of the southern sections.”</p><p>“Hell <em>yes</em>!”</p><p>Castiel’s chuckling again. “My god, you’re adorable.”</p><p>“‘m not adorable,” even Dean himself can hear the pout in his own voice.</p><p>“You are too. You’re adorable. And sexy. And tearing myself away from you to go to work this morning was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yes. I wanted to take you again so badly.”</p><p>“You could have, you know.”</p><p>“You were sleeping.”</p><p>“I mean, there are worse ways to wake up than with the man of your dreams rocking inside of you.” ‘Alone, for example,’ Dean’s dick of brain quips.</p><p>“Is that so?”</p><p>“It is.”</p><p>“Are we adding somnophilia to your kink list, my beautiful boy? You’re giving me blank consent to fuck you even when you’re sleeping?”</p><p>“I am. You can fuck me whenever and wherever.”</p><p>Castiel hums. <em>Of course</em> he does. “That’s good to know, considering how much I love shower sex in the morning.”</p><p>“My shower isn’t big enough for that though.”</p><p>“Mine is, and it has a very comfortable padded mat. I wouldn’t want your knees to hurt.”</p><p>Dean’s body temperature is rising steadily and his dick is perking up the more they talk. “Is that a nice way to ask me to suck you off in the shower?”</p><p>“No, that’s a nice way for me to <em>tell</em> you that you will.”</p><p>That statement alone makes Dean shiver and his groin tingle. He can just imagine Castiel ordering him to get down on his knees while naked and wet and fixing his unforgettable forget-me-nots on Dean. Dean’s knees would hit the floor so fast he’d probably make himself dizzy.</p><p>“And you will, won’t you, Dean?”</p><p>“God, yes, I will. Whenever you want.”</p><p>“That’s my beautiful farm boy.”</p><p>Ah, shoot. Dean has just ruined one of his favorite films for himself. From now on <em>The Princess Bride</em> will basically be porn for Dean.</p><p>“Are you getting hard, Dean?”</p><p>“I am.”</p><p>“You’re thinking of taking care of that in the shower?”</p><p>“Yes, and I’ll be thinking about being on my knees for you while I do.”</p><p>“No, you won’t.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You won’t. You’ll be good and not touch yourself. I’m gonna take care of that myself tonight, when we’ll go to my place after visiting Central Park. We’ll order in, have dinner, and then I’ll fuck you like you deserve. But only if you are good and don’t touch yourself the whole day. And tomorrow morning, we’ll make sure to get your knees acquainted with my shower mat.”</p><p><em>Holy fuck</em>.</p><p>Dean wishes he could say he’s a strong man who wouldn’t moan like a two cent whore in reply to that, but he isn’t. He definitely isn’t. He’s completely hard now, his dick red and heavy against his belly, and he has no intention of touching it with a single finger until tonight. He’s gonna do exactly what Castiel told him to do. Well, <em>not</em> to do, in fact.</p><p>“I’ll take your silence as a sign that we have an agreement.”</p><p>Silence?! Try <em>speechlessness</em>. Dean needs to take a deep breath and clear his throat, <em>again</em>, before he replies, “Yes, yes we do.”</p><p>“Can you be here around 5.30?”</p><p>“I-, what?” Oh right! Mind out of the gutter, Winchester! “Yes! I mean, Sure. 5.30, your office. Of course I can. From there we’ll go to Central Park. And then, the rest. What you said. All of it.”</p><p>He’s rambling. <em>Again</em>. Why is he like this??</p><p>Castiel’s chuckle is indication enough that he’s perfectly aware Dean is a flustered mess right now, but he doesn’t mind. “Alright. Have a good day, my beautiful boy. I’ll see you later.”</p><p>The line goes dead and Dean stays there, phone still in hand, his other hand helping him stay upright by finding support on the table, and a smile, half shocked and half happy, on his face. When he realizes his knees are about to give out on him he sits down and puts the phone on the table.</p><p>They are a thing. Cas and himself. They are in a <em>relationship</em>. Where you make plans and text and call and date and talk and dirty talk and sweet talk and are...boyfriends. That’s what they are, aren’t they? Castiel And Dean are boyfriends. He should probably talk to Cas about it, and it’s not like labeling what they have is a priority right now, but that’s basically what they are.</p><p>The grin he’s sporting right now is seriously threatening to split his face in two.</p><p>He can’t wait to see Cas again, there is so much he wants to tell him, now that he knows this is all real.</p><p>But he’s got the day ahead before he can do that, and it’s time to start getting this show on the road. The sooner he starts his day, the sooner he will be able to see his... boyfriend. He knows, just <em>knows</em>, he has a dopey smile on his face. He’s gonna be such a love-struck, lovey-dovey, sappy boyfriend. Hopefully, Cas is ready for it.</p><p>The first thing Dean does is changing his plans. The shower can wait. He’s gonna eat his breakfast first. Even before he opens the bag, he know what he’s going to find: black coffee and a lemon and ricotta pancake. The same order he placed when they went to Sarabeth’s together. Apparently, Dean is not the only sap between them. This is gonna be <em>awesome</em>.</p><p>He spends breakfast lost in his head, replaying the events of the day before. He starts with the sexy ones, only to realize he isn’t doing himself any favors, considering he can’t come until tonight, so the less time he spends hard, the better. So he focuses on the least sexy parts, which means not only avoiding thinking about the after dinner, but also the journey on the metro. The way Cas’s eyes would practically <em>growl</em> at anyone who looked at Dean with interest was hot as fuck. Cas spent the whole time basically staking a public claim on him without so much as lying a single finger on Dean, and Dean had spent the whole ride wishing he could get on his knees and nuzzle Cas’s crotch right there in front of everyone, just to show them how very much welcome his claiming was.</p><p>“<em>Stop</em> thinking about <em>that</em>,” Dean tells himself out loud.</p><p>He then focuses on the beginning of the date, and how thrown off he’d felt when he realized Cas was behaving like a man on a date, rather than an intelligence agent on a mission as he’d done so far. On the conversation at the museum, and how soft had made Dean feel when Cas had shared his memories of his grandma. On the conversation before and during dinner, and how Cas had seemed eager to soak up as much information about him as possible all of a sudden. Not to gather entail, but to get to know Dean. Dean had been in heaven. He’d felt so... wanted. Then Cas had kissed him and-</p><p>Nope. Stopping that thought <em>right there</em>. He’s done with breakfast anyway, and what he knows will be the hardest part of his day is next: the shower. He’s got a bit of a fixation for masturbation in the shower in the morning, and apparently Cas is a fan of morning sex in the shower too. The more they talk, the more it becomes clear how very compatible they are, and that’s simply awesome. Dean knows his future holds a lot of mornings spent on his knees now, and he can’t wait for that future to become present. Aaaand, stopping that thought right there too, dammit.</p><p>When he enters the bathroom he stops short at seeing his reflection in the mirror. He’s marked. There are bruises on his neck and shoulder. Where Cas sucked on his skin and bit him when he came last night.</p><p>He’s so grateful his peripheral vision alerted him of the note and he went to the kitchen before coming in here. If he had seen these bruises when he still thought Cas had fucked him and tossed him away, he doesn’t know what he’d done.</p><p>But now, as he looks at himself in the mirror and moves just a tiny bit to make the soreness in his ass flare a bit, he can’t help but grin and feel... owned. Exactly like he wanted.</p><p>He decides to spend his time in the shower thinking about his initial reaction this morning. That’s something he can’t just ignore. He knows most of it is linked to his fear of never being enough. A fear that, he’s realized in time, has its roots in spending all of his high school and the first two years of college feeling like an imposter, even though he didn’t know why, at the time. But he constantly felt like he was always walking on eggshells because he was phony and people would just <em>know</em> one day and leave him behind. Once he understood that was linked to his being bisexual and in the closet, that constant feeling slowly started to fade, until it stopped being ever present. But sometimes, like today, it just shows its ugly muzzle again. Dean also knows that, in this case, the guilt he feels for what he did when he was a kid has paved the way for his insecurities to take the lead like that.</p><p>The truth is that he hasn’t forgiven himself. Cas seems to have forgiven him. When he said “it hurt immensely but we were kids, now we’re grown up men”, that’s what he meant, right? Not that it was forgotten. That’s not the kind of thing you can, or should, forget. But you could forgive, even though you couldn’t forget, right? Dean <em>has</em> to start believe, really believe, that yes, Cas wants and owns him, but that Dean owns Cas right back. That, as crazy as that sounds, Castiel Novak wants to be wanted and owned by Dean Winchester. The realization has a smile slowly spread on his face and a warm, fuzzy feeling worm its way through his chest.</p><p>It’s not gonna be easy for him to never falter, especially at first. But he owes himself, and Castiel, to try, and to succeed.</p><p>The rest of the day passes by uneventfully. He finishes getting ready for the day, has a light lunch – considering how later than usual he’s had breakfast, how nutritious it’s been and how much space in his stomach is currently occupied by a whole army of butterflies, he didn’t really feel like eating much – and gets to the office even earlier than he should. His boss takes it as him trying to give a good impression since he’s new, and Dean lets him. In truth, he’s just eager to start, because the sooner he starts, the sooner he finishes and can go see Castiel.</p><p>He tries to focus on work, he really, really does. He even succeeds, to an extent. But his mind keeps going to Cas. To what’s already happened between them, and to what might happen. To all the things they might do together. The things they might say to each other. Will they say ‘I love you’? God but Dean hopes they will.</p><p>When the time to leave the office finally comes, he practically sprints out of there, sending Cas a text to tell him he’s on his way.</p><p>Cas replies asking him if he’d like to pick him up at the office, rather than waiting in front of the building for him to come down.</p><p>‘YES!’ Dean texts back right away.</p><p>This is huge. They’ve always been out in public. But this will be in front of people Cas knows and works with every day. Even if they won’t touch or kiss in front of them, those people will almost certainly assume there’s something romantic going on between them, seeing as Cas’s sexuality isn’t a secret in the business – he’s also an advocate for LGBTQ rights and has spoken about his own experience more than once in public – and Dean knows he can’t help the heart eyes when he’s in Cas’s presence.</p><p>Once he gets there though, it becomes super clear that Cas has no intention of letting anyone assume anything. He intends to let them <em>know</em>.</p><p>When Dean enters the building, a woman is waiting for him in the lobby and approaches him as soon as he walks through the door. She introduces herself as Hannah, Cas’s PA. Hannah tells Dean that Cas has instructed her to show Dean the way to his office. Given that she was immediately able to recognize him, Cas must have showed her a picture of him. Dean has texted Cas many pictures of himself. Cas must have kept them. Dean has to fight with himself to be able to hold a polite, mature conversation with Hannah, when all he wants to do is giggle like an idiot and smile all proud and pleased because <em>his boyfriend saved his pictures on his phone</em>. Dean Winchester is clearly being hit by a deaging spell and is sixteen years old and still living in a world where Donald Trump would have never become President. Those were good times.</p><p>When the elevator doors open and they set foot in the office, Dean has the distinct feeling that all eyes are on him, even though everyone is trying very hard to look like they are working. It’s the end of the working day, no one is that focused when they’re about to leave the office for fuck’s sake.</p><p>They get in front of a door with Cas’s name on it. Hannah knocks, waits for Cas to reply ‘come in’ and opens the door for Dean with a smile, closing it behind him.</p><p>When Dean’s eyes land on Cas, he’s hit all over again by how beautiful he is and how much he feels for this man.</p><p>Cas looks at him with a fond smile. “Hello Dean. Just give him a moment to save this file and I’ll be right with you.”</p><p>While Cas saves his work and shuts off his computer, Dean takes a chance to look around. Cas office is big, bright, with essential furniture. The desk is bigger than normal and occupies a good portion of the space available. There are books and magazines and files spread all over it. Cas clearly needs to be surrounded by all the relevant materials when he works, hence the big desk.</p><p>Dean would be a lying liar who lies if he said he’s not also having sexy thoughts about what the two of them could do above that very spacious desk. Or under it, or against it.</p><p>When Cas stands up from his chair – that chair would probably support their combined weight, they should see if that’s the case – and looks at Dean while he’s buttoning his suit jacket, the smug smile which spreads on his face instantly makes Dean understand Cas <em>knows</em> Dean’s mind was far, far, far down in the gutter. He doesn’t seem to mind.</p><p>Castiel grabs his bag with one hand, walks to Dean and kisses him on the lips. A peck more than anything, and then he kisses the tip of his nose. “Hi”.</p><p>“Hi Cas.”</p><p>“I missed you.”</p><p>“I missed you too.”</p><p>“Shall we?”</p><p>God but Dean has come to love that question.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Cas smiles and opens the door, allowing Dean to walk through it before closing it behind them.</p><p>“See you tomorrow, Meg,” Cas tells his secretary and, without waiting for a reply, grabs Dean’s hand and starts walking toward the elevators.</p><p>He’s literally showing Dean off.</p><p>“Are you showing off your eye candy, Mr. Novak?” Dean wants to come across as teasing but he knows his tone is too insecure to pull that off. He’s feeling smug that Cas wants everyone to know about them and clearly thinks Dean is someone to showcase like that, he is, but he’s also been used as eye candy in the past, and he’s not exactly a fan of being objectified like that.</p><p>As expected – or, rather, as he was hoping and didn’t dare to expect – Cas stops and pulls him back by the hand he‘s holding. Right there, in the middle of the office. Ignoring the collective intake of breath around them and the dozens of people who’ve clearly given up any pretense to be working, Cas lets his bag drop on the floor to put his other hand on Dean’s cheek and looks at him, eyes skirting all over his face. Then his face softens and he kisses him on the lips. A lingering pressure of his lips on Dean’s. Fuck, Dean is obsessed with Cas’s lips. They are so soft. Cas breaks the kiss way sooner than Dean would have liked for him to do and takes a small step back so he can look Dean in the eye. “You’re so much more than my eye candy, Dean. As undeniable as the fact that you’re very aesthetically pleasing is,”</p><p>‘Aesthetically pleasing’? Well, Dean has been called far worse things in his life, thanks to his ‘soft, feminine features’, so that’s not too bad</p><p>“That’s not what matters the most to me. I’m showing you off because you’re as beautiful inside as you are outside, and I want everyone to eat their hearts out knowing you’re <em>mine</em>.”</p><p>A shiver that Dean knows Cas has felt too, seeing as his hands are still on Dean, ricochets through him at hearing Cas’s possessive tone. Sweet Lord is Dean <em>so</em> here for it.</p><p>“Yeah?” He can’t help the pleased, coy smile. He’s not even doing it on purpose. Cas makes him coy, for fuck sake’s. He’s so head over heels for this man it’s almost a joke, really.</p><p>“Oh <em>yes</em>,” Cas replies with a big smile, going back to steering them towards the elevators.</p><p>Cas then goes on to tell him that it’s a bit of a teenage dream come true, in fact. When they were in high school, Cas had often daydreamed about Dean choosing him and walking with him in the corridors hand in hand, surrounded by all the people who had always been swooning over Dean, gobsmacked at realizing Dean had chosen Castiel of all people. Dean’s heart breaks a little but then he remembers that, if he won’t truly ever be able to forgive himself, he now has another chance to make it better, to make up for everything he did and to give Cas everything he deserves and more.</p><p>“Oh yeah? You wanted to see the cheerleaders jealous and annoyed?”</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>. They always looked constipated anyway, it would have been so fun to see that look get even worse”</p><p>Dean couldn’t stop his laugh if he tried. “Well, my 15 year reunion is at the end of the year...”</p><p>“Oh really?”</p><p>“Yes, really.”</p><p>Cas looks at him but doesn’t ask. This is something Dean has to do, isn’t it? He’s the one who turned their burgeoning relationship into a nightmare in high school. It’s up to him to turn things around now. And it would also be a good way to start the process of forgiving himself. A symbolical righting of wrongs past. Let everyone in his class know that Dean Winchester was, and still is, completely and irrevocably gone on Castiel Novak.</p><p>“Would you do me the honor of being my date at the reunion? I can’t wait to see the look of my classmates’ faces when they realize I only have eyes for you, and I tell them that’s nothing new, because it was like that in high school too.”</p><p>Cas’s pleased – read: <em>smug</em> – smile is indication that that was the right thing to say. “I think I can be persuaded.”</p><p>“I stocked up on mango and coconut chapstick, and I’m not afraid to use it to bribe you into saying yes.”</p><p>“Well, you do have a couple of months to convince me. Might as well start now.”</p><p>As he uses his hold on Cas’s hand to stop him right there, in the middle of a sidewalk in New York City, while they are on their way to Central Park, to kiss the man he’s wanted for all his adult life, Dean can’t help but think that right now, this very moment, is the beginning of the life Dean’s always wanted for himself, and he’ll do whatever it takes to earn and keep that life every day he’ll get to live it.</p><p>And he can’t help but think how thankful he is for second chances.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This concludes the main story. There will be an epilogue, which I'll post on Saturday. It's not a short one, at all, but tags will be added for it, so if any of you would rather not read it for any reason, the story you set out to read is concluded anyway, which, I hope, will prevent anyone from feeling let down. </p><p>Thank you, again, so so much, everyone who read and supported the fic and me along the way, in any fashion, big or small. As a new writer, having you walking the path with me step by step has been so, so important. You guys rock! </p><p>For everyone who'll be here, see you on Sat. For those who won't, thanks again and see you, hopefully, next time! </p><p>Much love to you all ❤️😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean and Cas build a life together and a family.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Something came up for tomorrow, so I figured you'd be happier to have this one day earlier than later :-D</p><p>Here it is, guys, the epilogue. I cannot believe I'm about to post this and complete another chaptered fic that got to 50k. I *never* thought I'd write something this long and I'm so happy i did.</p><p>I'm also sad to see these boys go, but this epilogue is honestly one of the things I have loved writing the most so far, so I hope you'll find I've given them everything they deserved. </p><p>The song that is referred to towards the end was never part of the original plan, it actually came up on the radio some ten days ago and I realized it was simply perfect for this story, so I included it in the epilogue. I suppose that was meant to be, seeing as the whole fic exists only because I was inspired by the song the title refers to and music is very much a big part of my life.  </p><p>Finally, I've decided to write about a special needs kid in this epilogue because, being the aunt of a special needs kid myself, I know how much stigma and ableism there are out there and how much representation matters, and I really want my work to be as inclusive a possible, whenever it is possible. In my own small way, I want to contribute by sharing how much joy my nephew has brought to my family, so the OC you'll read about is very much based on him and some of the things he's lived through and done so far. </p><p>Thank you everyone who's read along, it's been amazing to spend these last few weeks chatting about my work with you. YOU have been amazing, and I am so, so thankful. </p><p>And thank you everyone who will read this in the future: please remember that no one is ever late to this party! </p><p>Without farther ado, please enjoy these two lovely boys getting the happy ending they worked so hard for.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“William Winchester Novak, stop taking off your left shoe!”</p><p>“Booooooooooooo”</p><p>Dean chuckles before he can stop himself and, predictably, gets presented with Cas’ stinky eye for his mistake.</p><p>“I know,” he says raising one hand in what he hopes is enough of a placating gesture, seeing as his other hand is currently occupied with some quite precious cargo, “I’m sorry, you’re right. In my defense, I have a soft spot for boys with big blue eyes who are too cute for their own good.”</p><p>“Don’t try and flatter me, Dean Winchester.”</p><p>Ouch, the surname means Dean is in serious trouble. Fuck.</p><p>“You can’t keep smiling all adoringly when he does something like that, or our son will <em>never</em> learn to wear shoes.”</p><p>“I know, I know! I’m sorry, really.” Dean makes the huge mistake of taking a look at Will’s smiling face and it’s game over. His husband’s ire disappears in the face of their son’s joy. “But I mean, look at him! That’s his ‘I’m so proud of myself’ smile! He’s adorable.”</p><p>“It is and he is. Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to do some parenting, now, does it?”</p><p>Dean sighs. That’s really all he can do. His husband is right and Dean should really stop caving in like that and let Cas take the bulk of being the level-headed parent. That’s unfair to the love of his life. Even though their kids are the cutest babies on earth and it’s the most natural thing for Dean to want to give them everything they want no matter what that is. “I’m sorry, you’re right. Please forgive me?”</p><p>He then puts Cat, their daughter, down on the carpet from where she was perched on his hip, their husky, Zeus, immediately going to sit next to her to make sure she doesn’t topple down. Queeny, their cat, watches the proceedings from her spot on the couch next to their son with a critical eye. ‘I know how to sit my daughter down, Queeny, thank you very much’ Dean thinks somewhat bitterly as he goes to kneel next to his husband in front of the couch and takes the shoe Will refuses to wear from his hands.</p><p>“Will, sweetheart, you heard Papa. He’s right, you know. Even though we love these chubby little feet,” Dean makes nom nom nom noises that send their son into a fit of giggles, “they need to wear shoes. And Uncle Balthy would be hurt if he knew you don’t want to wear the shoes he bought for you.”</p><p>“Unca Baty!”</p><p>Dean’s never chuckled so much in his life like he has ever since he and Cas adopted the twins. “Yes, Cat, Uncle Balthy.”</p><p>Moments like this are the best reminders of how delicate the balance is for parents of kids with special needs, Dean thinks.</p><p>When they adopted the twins almost two years ago now, that was one of his worst fears. Not only were they becoming parents of two newborn babies, but one of them had special needs too. How would they be able to balance it all?</p><p>They were a solid couple. They had been together for four years, and married for two when they started the adoption procedure. The fact that they had ticked the box indicating they were willing to adopt kids from any ethnicity and/or with special needs had allowed them to jump straight to the top of the list of prospective parents when the twins were given up for adoption. They were the son and daughter of a teenager who had decided not to keep them, and the boy had Down syndrome. Dean and Cas had hesitated at first. Down syndrome is, after all, one of those conditions that you can never predict, not fully. It can bring about physical pathologies, or impact on the cognitive or physical development of the child, and you will only find out about it when the child hits that specific threshold in their growth. They read about it, talked to parents of children with Down syndrome thanks through an association they are now members of, and generally tried to understand whether they would be up for the challenge. They wanted to make sure they would be able to be good parents for the boy and his sister, rather than running the risk of taking up the responsibility when someone else might be more qualified for the task. Ultimately, they resolved, the situation wasn’t really different from any other parenting scenario. Even children born with no similar conditions could struggle later in life and a huge part of being parents consists in being aware that you have to be ready to face what life throws at you and your kids, even when you don’t feel ready at all. They realized being parents meant first and foremost being willing to always be there for their kids, no matter what. And they were. They <em>so</em> were. They also realized they were lucky enough to be able to provide any kids of theirs not only with an endless amount of love, but also financial stability and a tight-knitted support system.</p><p>Building that support system had taken them years, but it had been totally worth it.</p><p>They kept their relationship quiet for the first few months. Well, Cas did. Dean had spilled the beans to his brother after their first date on the High Line, meaning that their mother and father were informed as soon as Sam hanged up and Dean proceeded to inform Charlie immediately afterwards. Dean didn’t want to be the one who <em>hadn’t</em> told something to his best friend when someone else knew. Charlie was as endearing as she was dangerous, after all. He did, however, told everyone to back off until he and Cas would decide whether their relationship was “let me introduce you to my folks” material.</p><p>As a consequence, Dean and Cas spent the rest of September and the months of October and November dating, getting to know each other, having an outrageous amount of sex, and exploring the city together until Dean’s ‘things to see in NY’ list merged with his ‘things to see in NY with Cas’ list. They visited every single inch of Central park and the Empire State Buiding. Cas had to promise Dean a blowjob to convince him to get to the 102nd floor due to his fear of heights (“The Top of the Rock was hard enough, Cas! The 102nd floor?! And there’s just a glass between us and <em>the void</em>?! Are you nuts!!??”), and was only too happy to deliver and use the opportunity to see how Dean would respond to some mild orgasm delay. Dean responded <em>beautifully</em>. The same agreement was reached when they got the tickets to climb on top of the Statue of Liberty at the end of October, but that time it was Dean the one who asked to be edged. Again, Cas was <em>very</em> happy to oblige.</p><p>At the beginning of November, Cas did accompany Dean to his 15 year high school renioun as his plus one. It was frankly one of the best nights of Dean’s life.</p><p>Cas confessed that he was strangely nervous at the idea of walking those corridors again, as he hadn’t exactly left those halls in the highest of spirits. Dean felt the usual pang of guilt and regret but reminded himself, and Cas, that this was an opportunity: they could finally build some happy memories together in that school and, even though that wouldn’t erase the past, it would be a stepping stone toward the future.</p><p>Knowing how on edge Cas was about the whole thing, Dean made sure to show him off just like he deserved, making everyone, Cas first and foremost, see how lucky Dean felt that Castiel Fucking Novak was his plus one. Dean was absolutely delighted – and, judging by his smug smile, Cas was too – when he saw the shock and sheer jealousy on the cheerleaders’ faces when Dean proudly introduced Cas as “his date, who I was already hot for when we were still studying here.” Rhonda Hurley was the one who took the news less favorably of all, and it didn’t take a genius to understand that she was hoping she and Dean could have a quick roll in hay for old times sake’s. Cas, of course, failed to notice least of all, and interrogated Dean about it at the end of the night until Dean confessed she had been one of the girls he’d gone all the way with, as they had been together for almost fours months at the beginning of his junior year. Dean ended up admitting that she had even made him wear a pink and satiny pair of her panties once and he had liked it. The confession was initially followed by a few jokes about how deep in denial Dean was back then if not even <em>that</em> had made him start questioning himself, but it became the source of a very interesting month in their lives when Cas bought Dean 30 panties in different styles and colors and asked him to wear one pair each day until he’d used them all. Rhonda got what Cas desperately desired in high school, it was only fair he would now be able to enjoy what she’d had thirty-fold. Nedless to say, none of those panties survived the month, as Cas ruined each and everyone of them with his teeth, hands or come – or a combination of all three.   </p><p>A few weeks after the reunion, Cas and Dean decided that the upcoming holidays would be the perfect opportunity to dive into the ‘meet the family’ scenario.  </p><p>They had been together for three months at that point, but it was clear to the both of them that theirs wasn’t just a fling. They both wanted it to be it, and were conscious that getting along with your partner’s family was a big part of successful long-term relationships – unless your partner was the first not to want anything to do with their folks, which wasn’t the case for the two them.</p><p>Even though both families lived in the same city in Kansas, they reasoned that facing two meetings of that magnitude in the span of a couple of days would be too much. So, while Dean did take the opportunity to spend one afternoon with his family and friends, Thanksgiving that year was spent with Cas’ family. They figured it would actually be easier because Cas had never told them about Dean in the first place and would rather keep it that way, “to avoid that my brother Gabriel might take it upon himself to serve you now with all the cruel pranks he’d have treated you with back then if he had known.” Dean wasn’t thrilled, his habit of always being truthful now had become a part of his very soul, and the idea of lying by omission to his in-laws didn’t exactly sit well with him. Cas countered that argument by claiming that what had happened in high school in no way reflected the man Dean was now (“Yes, Dean, I know it was the source of the man you have become, and it is part of you, but it is something you <em>did</em>, not who you <em>are</em>”) and he wouldn’t let Dean use the opportunity to keep punishing himself. They were still working on Dean forgiving himself. They had made headway but still had a long way to go. When Dean realized Cas was right and that had been exactly what he was doing, he agreed on not giving Cas’s family all the gory details. They just told them they had attended the same high school, but that Dean was a year younger so they weren’t in the same class, and that they had met at a conference in the summer and got together once Dean moved to New York at the end of August. No one really batted an eye, and they all started to ask Dean questions about his current life, rather than focusing on his high school years. The exception was Cas’s brother Gabriel, who asked him some very invasive, private questions that prompted Cas to reproach him, their older brother Michael to sigh and cover his face with both hands, their father Chuck to look everywhere but at Dean and their mother Naomi to apologize profusely for her “inappropriate son, who refuses to learn the basic notions of courtesy my two other sons have luckily perfected.” Dean had honestly found the whole thing hilarious and felt a not so vague sense of respect and awe for Gabriel when he survived the glare his mother sent his way. He knew for a fact that if his own mother ever looked at him like that, Dean would vanish into thin air out of mortification, so he was more than a little impressed that Gabriel just stayed put and kept watching Dean as if he was the shiniest of his new toys.</p><p>Dean’s family were delighted instead. Cas and Dean spent Christmas with them that year for the first time, and the whole time Dean’s folks kept telling Cas how Dean had been talking about him since junior year in college, when he came out to them and told them about what had happened between them in high school and how much he was sorry about it and regretted it. Cas later told Dean that his family’s words had made him fall for Dean even harder and faster, because they were further proof that Dean had really thought about him all along. Not that he needed it, but it was still great to have confirmation. Dean’s mother Mary, also known as ‘The Traitor’ from that day forward, even <em>betrayed</em> her own son and confessed to Cas that after the third or fourth girlfriend or boyfriend Dean broke things with after a few months because they were “not the right ones”, she forced herself to stop getting attached to them, because it would hurt less when Dean would inevitably put an end to the relationship. She then proceeded to tell Cas that she was <em>so very happy</em> she now had a son in law that was here to stay. <em>The. Traitor.</em></p><p>By the time the second Thanksgiving came around, Dean convinced Cas that they should tell Cas’s family the whole truth. For one thing, he felt like they – he – would never be able to truly be over it if it remained this huge secret they had to be always careful not to spill. Secondly, they weren’t the only people who knew. Dean’s family knew, Balthazar knew, Charlie and Benny knew, and with their relationship being well past its first year, gatherings of both families and friends were bound to start. If any of them spilled the beans unintentionally, or <em>very</em> intentionally, in the case of Balthazar, it would have been a disaster. Not even God would have been able to protect the man Naomi Novak suspected had roped one of her sons in an abusive relationship based on some kind of Stockholm syndrome dynamic. That would be <em>exactly</em> what she, and the rest of Cas’s family, would have thought, if they heard the truth from anyone but Cas. In the end, they asked Cas’s parents and brothers if they could go all sit in the living room before starting their thanksgiving meal, which, in hindsight, had been an awful idea because everyone got this sparkle in their eyes that, Dean and Cas realized later, meant they all thought they wanted to announce they had got engaged. Telling them the truth would have been unpleasant in any case, but doing it while contradicting <em>that</em> assumption made it even worse. Dean and Cas sat on a couch alone, holding hands, facing Cas’s family that were seated on the opposite couch and armchairs. As they had rehearsed – yes, they rehearsed the speech, as per Cas’s request, and made sure to make very careful word choices – Cas was the one to talk, while Dean remained a solid presence by his side, in spite of how sweaty the hand he was using to hold Cas’s was, betraying just how much <em>not</em> solid he felt. Chuck and Michael met the news with a stunned silence and a wide-eyed look. Naomi and Gabriel with the exact same murderous look that clarified just how much they were related more than anything Dean had seen before. After a bit, Noami opened her mouth, no doubt to start listing all the painful ways she’ll torture Dean with if he didn’t leave right the fuck now, when Chuck surprised everyone saying “Thank you for your honesty, son. I trust your judgement. You are a very smart, grown up man. Does Dean make you happy?”</p><p>“He does.”</p><p>“Do we need to worry about your relationship being anything but healthy and safe?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Is Dean truly a different person?”</p><p>“He is.”</p><p>“Then let’s all sit at the dining table and add two more reasons to our list of things to be thankful for today. Honest change, and second chances.”</p><p>And that was that. No one else ever said another word about it, even though Dean felt Naomi’s and Gabriel’s eyes scrutinizing his every move for a couple of years after that. Clearly, Cas was not the only one in the family whose eyes on you were impossible to ignore.</p><p>It’s been years since Dean felt like he was under a microscope though, and now both families, including Naomi and Gabriel, are completely supportive. They are also completely wrapped around the twins’ pudgy little fingers and the number of their impromptu visits to New York has increased considerably ever since the babies joined the Winchester-Novak household.</p><p>The one notable exception to the positive response Dean and Cas’s relationship had from their families and friends was, obviously, Balthazar.</p><p>Dean’s best friends had been thrilled when Dean told them that he and Cas had officially become boyfriends and were ready to start meeting the important people in each other’s lives. Benny just said that Dean had worked hard to earn this chance so he better not “blow it because everyone sees what a deserving person you are but you” – damn him for knowing Dean so well – while Charlie had squealed so high Dean was pretty sure all the dogs in a ten mile radius has been able to hear her and were <em>not</em> happy. After threatening to kneecap Dean if he “screwed it up and hurt his prince or himself”, she concluded she had to fly to New York <em>immediately</em> to meet this man and make sure he deserved her seal of approval.</p><p>Two days later, they were sitting at a nice café in Central Park while Charlie was inspecting Cas, who found the whole thing rather amusing, until she concluded that he was indeed “as dreamy as you’ve always made him out to be, Dean.” Which of course was ultimate proof that all the women in Dean’s life were Traitors™.</p><p>She was, however, absolutely appalled at Cas’s lack of knowledge about anything that wasn’t written on the pages of a novel or in a newspaper, so she made it her mission to educate Cas over time. She told a baffled but highly entertained and vaguely resigned Cas that they had “just become best friends” and added her contact to Cas’s phone, so they could talk about everything “at length, through texts or video calls.” She was Dean’s geek friend – she was actually the one who had made Dean’s geek side blossom – so Cas concluded there was no escaping her. He didn’t even seem to want to escape, to be honest. He kept repeating that he liked learning new things and that even if he ended up not liking something, he wanted to know about it because it was important to Dean – which, of course, never failed to make Charlie awww and look at them like they were the most adorable couple ever. Once she went as far as telling them that, if they had been characters in a TV show, they would have been “<em>super shippable</em>”. This led to Dean and Charlie explaining to a confused, head tilting, eyes squinting Cas the concept of shipping – which Dean found absolutely hilarious – and to Charlie declaring that their ship name “would <em>totally</em> be Destiel.”</p><p>Suffice it to say that Balthazar’s reaction was <em>not</em> like theirs.</p><p>Dean let Cas handle the whole thing, considering he was Cas’s best friend and Dean wasn’t exactly in his good graces. Cas thought it best to tell him alone, in person, so he took his friend out to dinner, hoping it would “diminish the chances he will start yelling, with us being in public and all.” Apparently, Cas’s plan failed as brutally as Apollo 13’s attempt at moon landing. When Cas told him, Balthazar’s eyes got so wide Cas was worried for a moment there his eyeballs would tumble out of their sockets and his mouth stayed opened for so long Cas had a blissful thirty seconds in which he thought his friend had been reduced to eternal speechlessness – which wasn’t good, “of course not, but at least he couldn’t yell that way, you know?” When second thirty one stroke, however, the whole restaurant was informed that Cas was “under some kind of spell because, when you are in your right mind, you are not such a goddamn <em>moron</em> to fall <em>again</em> for a good for nothing <em>idiot</em> who’s already treated you like <em>shit</em> and will probably do that again sooner rather than later and has <em>nothing</em> to offer you but a nice face, Cassie, <em>for Christ’s sake</em>!”</p><p>Cas had been hurt by his words and had debated telling Dean the whole truth, but ended up doing it because he couldn’t expect Dean to always being truthful with him if he was the first one to be dishonest with his boyfriend. Dean had been <em>very</em> hurt, but he had also understood Balthazar’s point of view. He didn’t know Dean, not the man he had become. He only remembered the boy who had hurt his best friend in high school and didn’t trust him. They both concluded that he needed time to get to know Dean before he could come around, like Cas himself had done.</p><p>The problem with that plan was that Balthazar steadfastly refused to meet with Dean for months. At first he was completely dismissive of their relationship. “You’ve been dating what? Six weeks? <em>Please</em>, Cassie. I see why you’re still so taken with him, you haven’t grown bored of fucking him yet. You’ll be soon, and then you’ll see there is nothing left to enjoy.” Cas had tried to reason with him, but there was just no way he would listen. Not even after the holidays and the meetings with both of their families did he consider their relationship “serious enough to waste even ten minutes of my precious time to exchange pleasantries with someone you’ll give the boot to soon enough.”</p><p>It was only in the late spring, when the weeks and months had kept passing and Dean and Cas were as solid as ever, that Balthazar finally accepted to have drinks with them. That was the first of a number of awkward meetings in which Balthazar would take any opportunity to get a rise out of Dean by insulting him or belittling him in that overtly polite British way of his. Dean never took the bait though. He forced himself to remain calm and collected, to remember Balthazar had a reason, a good reason, to be so guarded and protective of Cas and just took every opportunity to share as much of himself as possible, in the hope that Balthazar would see he was at the very least an OK dude. Dean didn’t need them to be friends, but he – they, Cas and him – needed Balthazar to at least be able to tolerate Dean. Dean didn’t want Cas to have to choose between them. Not only because, being theirs a fledging relationship in comparison to an almost twenty year long friendship, Dean wasn’t sure Cas would have chosen him. But also because he could see Balthazar wasn’t trying to be a dick for fun. He was <em>worried</em> about Cas. He really was. Dean wanted Cas to have a friend like that in his life. Someone who loved him and would protect him and be honest even when it was difficult. Friends like that are rare, and precious.</p><p>Cas, on the other hand, suffered Balthazar’s jabs much less gladly. He, often at Dean’s request, was understanding at first and let it slide, heeding Dean’s argument that Balthazar would never take Dean seriously if he didn’t see Dean could and would speak for himself. As time passed and Balthazar kept taking every opportunity to bicker with Dean though, his behavior started grating on Cas’s nerves more and more, until he exploded one day.</p><p>“Bal, <em>enough</em>. You have to <em>stop</em>. People make mistakes! We all do. And when we are presented with evidence – plenty of evidence, I might add, in this case – of someone acknowledging their mistakes, and working hard to make up for them, evidence of actual change, then forgiveness is not an option, it’s a duty.”</p><p>“Since when?!”</p><p>“Since it’s the man I’m in love with you keep dragging through the mud!”</p><p>The stunned silence that followed that declaration had been <em>loud</em>. Cas was half furious and half mortified. He had never told Dean he loved him before, and he was clearly upset that his choice to find a more appropriate moment and way to tell him had been taken from him.</p><p>Dean, for his part, was half elated and half scared...for Balthazar. Dean knew how much Cas hated being cornered, and he was pretty sure Cas wouldn’t forgive Balthazar for forcing him to say those words like that. Dean didn’t want Cas to lose his best friend over this. So he jumped in and said, “Cas, please, don’t fight with him over this. He was with you when I wasn’t, he was the one who picked up what I had broken, he has a right to have his own feelings about this. And I can use the reminder, every once in a while,” he looked at Balthazar with an expression clearly meant to convey ‘not every Goddamn second’, which actually caused Balthazar to drop his gaze in shame, “of how lucky I was that you gave me another chance.” Then, far more softly, after taking a step forward and pecking his boyfriend’s spectacular lips, he added, “And I love you too.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Cas seemed so... unsure in that moment. Uncharacteristically so. His shoulders were tense, his eyes unable to stay fixed on Dean’s like they usually were, when they seemed to be trying to suck out Dean’s very soul. At the same time, there was so much hope in those eyes, and in that one barely whispered word.</p><p>“<em>Of course</em> I love you, Cas. I have for a long time now. I just-, I was afraid it was too soon and-“</p><p>“-it’s not. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while. I even had this whole thing planned,” the icy glare Cas directed at Balthazar in the moment was a <em>perfect</em> rendition of his mother’s glare. Dean almost expected Balthazar to turn into a 6 foot tall stalagmite.</p><p>“We can still do that, you know?”</p><p>Something... calculating flashed through Cas’s eyes for a couple of seconds. He’d just made a decision, Dean knew.</p><p>“We can, yes. Maybe one day.”</p><p>Cas’s cryptic reply had represented the end of the discussion and, even though Balthazar remained in the dog house for some time after the episode, things started getting much better from then on. At first Dean and Balthazar engaged in what was clearly a truce. But they did develop their own relationship in time, which is still very much based on banter, but also on respect and understanding.</p><p>Which is why, when the time came to decide who the children’s guardian should be, Dean suggested Balthazar. That shocked both Cas and Balthazar himself, who thought – swearing he would never underestimate Dean again from then on – his initial reaction to their relationship would have caused for him to always being placed at the sidelines of their relationship. Dean simply replied with a shrug and said, “Look, it’s just a suggestion. We are lucky we have many people, between you and me, that would take care of the kids if something happened to us. But if it did, if something happened to us, I know for a fact Balthazar wouldn’t give up on our babies, ever. When he loves and protects, he loves and protects in spite of everything. I want that for our children. Plus, he literally lives a couple of blocks from here, so it would be a practical choice too. The kids wouldn’t even need to change schools.” Cas’s soft smile was a reward Dean treasured, like he always did. Balthazar’s shiny eyes were met with a “Aww, don’t get chick flicky on me, man”, “Fuck you very much, Dean” instead.</p><p>All of that meant that they had the best, most loving and solid support system of all. Which was, truth be told, a very big part of the reason why Dean and Cas finally reasoned they could do this. They weren’t alone. They had an army of people who would learn and educate themselves alongside Dean and Cas and would invest their time and energies in helping them with their kids.</p><p>And it was a choice they knew they had to make before seeing the kids for the first time. They wanted to make an informed decision for the kids’ benefit, and they both knew that they wouldn’t probably be able to think clearly once they would see and hold the babies for the first time. Man, were they right. The moment Dean saw the twins he started crying and cooing and baby talking and he looked at Cas with more determination than ever before and stated “They’re ours, Cas. We are theirs.” Cas, apparently stoic but suspiciously teary eyed, nodded and turned to the social worker to enquire after the procedures to undertake so they could adopt the kids.</p><p>That was the beginning of their life as parents.</p><p>Choosing their names was the first decision they made as fathers. Even though it made Dean sulk a bit that Castiel steadfastly refused his suggestion to call the girl Amazing and they boy Awesome and use Perfect as a middle name for both, he did concede that going for Catherine and William was probably for the best. Especially when Cas told him why he was suggesting those names. He meant to name their kids after Catherine the Great and William the Conqueror. Controversial figures, for sure, but ultimately a woman who never let any men dictate her fate and who proved to be strong-willed and minded even in the face of the patriarchal misogyny of the time, “which is still present today, Dean, and as men we will never be really able to understand it, so we need to rely on the women in our lives to help us help our daughter”; and a warrior who managed to do something no one else had been able to do since 1066, to conquer the unconquerable, “and our son is gonna need that, he’s gonna need to fight battles other kids don’t need to fight, and possibly also conquer the unconquerable”. Dean’s eyes had prickled and he once again wondered how on earth he had ended up being so lucky as to have <em>this</em> man as his husband and the father of his children, and he had agreed immediately. He suggested, however, that their mothers’ and fathers’ names be also used, and that’s how Catherine Mary Naomi Winchester-Novak and William Chuck John Winchester-Novak joined the family.</p><p>Ever since then, every family member, including those unrelated to Dean and Cas by blood, has been irrevocably in love with their babies, protected them and spoiled them rotten. More importantly, they all play an active role in the twins’ upbringing. They do everything in their power to spend as much quality time with them as they can. They fly to New York as often as possible and basically kidnap the kids when their parents bring them to visit their family in Kansas. Dean and Cas do not usually see their children for the whole duration of their holidays back home, because “You always have them to yourself, don’t be greedy.” They all video call Dean or Cas every day and spend entire minutes making funny faces at the kids and talking to them as if they could understand what Cat and Will are saying. The four grandparents spoil them rotten, their uncles Sam and Michael buy them educational toys all the time, while Gabriel takes care of the funny ones. Their aunt Charlie buys them geeky toys and clothing, their uncle Benny takes care of constructions (for Cat) and musical toys (for Will), while Balthazar buys them designer clothing (but only produced in a sustainable way) and takes them out at least once a week. In theory, he does that to give Cas and Dean some alone time. In practice, he wants the kids to himself for a few hours because he loves them as if they were his own.</p><p>Cas and Dean are eternally grateful for all their support. Being parents to twins isn’t easy, just as it isn’t being parents to a kid with special needs. In Will’s case, for example, they immediately had to deal with a cardiac defect that would need fixing when the boy was a little older, and that had turned the first year of his life into a continuous challenge. Every meal a fight against a little heart that didn’t receive enough oxygen to pump correctly and help him with the suction needed to take his bottles. Every day was a symphony of alarms going off at regular intervals to remember his parents to give him his meds, which he had to take eight times a day. Forcing a new born to ingest something that helped save his life but had to be disgustingly bitter tore at both men’s heart endlessly. The fact that Will was so good and barely fussed and that, when they started growing a little older, his sister would immediately start soothing him after he’d taken his meds tore at their heartstrings for an entirely different reason. They were so damn lucky. Their babies were absolutely perfect.</p><p>Will’s cardiac issue had inevitably slowed down his physical and motion development. He, simply, didn’t have enough breath to start exploring like other kids, like his own sister, did. He didn’t manage to eat as much as she did, so he had been much smaller until he could undergo surgery and, after a few excruciating weeks at the hospital, got out with a fixed heart and started catching up with his sister.</p><p>He started putting on weigh and finally develop enough muscle and mobility in his arms to start crawling. At almost two years now, he still isn’t walking, but he’s recently started to stand up on his own when able to grab someone or something to keep himself stable. Zeus is always all too happy to be that someone. Dean’s phone is full of videos of the dog acting as a crutch for Will so he can stand next to him while he buries his little hands in his fur and tries to bite Zeus’s ears with the little teeth he’s only recently started growing.</p><p>All of that also meant that, at first, Will being able to remove his shoes on his own was cause for celebration, because it meant he had acquired better mobility in his hands. But in time it had become a game for the boy, and having one of his dads chuckling whenever he did it didn’t help the baby understand that yes, shoes were annoying, but they had to be worn to protect his little feet from the cold and various hazards. Walking the line between welcoming any progress as a sign of development and disciplining him wasn’t easy, and Cas was right that they needed to do it together.</p><p>“There, see? Look how absolutely cute these feet are with Uncle Balthy’s shoes on!” Dean accompanies his rhetorical question smacking a loud kiss on his son’s cheek. Because he knows that will make Will laugh, which it does, and it’s the most beautiful sound in the world. And because he himself is so in love with his son and daughter he simply cannot help showing his affections physically. That affection threatens to make his heart burst if he doesn’t let it out. It’s too much. If that also makes his husband look at him as if he was the most perfect creature in the universe, that is just a bonus.</p><p>While he lifts Will from the couch, Cas does the same with Cat, as they really need to go out now if they want to run all the errands on their list.</p><p>“So, we need to run to the pet store to buy food for Queeny and Zeus. To the bookstore to buy the list of books Sam sent us-“</p><p>“Why? I thought he was buying them?”</p><p>“He is, but we thought it would be more entertaining for the kids and also more useful for their cognitive development if we also have the books, so Sam can read them aloud while we video call and we can look at the pictures while he reads. We also thought we adults could read different parts, voicing the different characters”</p><p>“That’s <em>awesome</em>.”</p><p>His husband’s chuckle is also the most beautiful sound in the world. Dean’s life is filled with most beautiful sounds and he’s so, so grateful for it.</p><p>“Your brother and I were positive you’d approve. And would want to listen with the kids rather than reading with the adults.”</p><p>Cas’s arched eyebrow is <em>not</em> hot and even though he’s totally right, he will not give his husband – or his <em>little brother</em> – the satisfaction.</p><p>“I can read aloud, you know?” Dean is <em>not</em> pouting. He’s making a point.</p><p>“Ok, so, pet store and bookstore – Will please stop chewing your coat sleeve.” Dean forces himself not to chuckle this time. He will not make the same mistake again in the space of ten minutes. He can be a stern parent. He <em>can</em>. “What else?”</p><p>“We need to – Cat, love, we need to wear the beautiful jacket Uncle Balthy-“</p><p>“Unca Balty!”</p><p>“Yes, sweetheart, Uncle Balthy bought you this jacket so you wouldn’t be cold. So we need to wear it, yes? Uncle Balthy would be so sad if Cat caught a cold. And so would be Daddy and Papa. Yes, that’s the most perfect girl in the world,” Cas finishes with a raspberry on their daughter’s neck that makes her screech and Dean wonder if someone can pass out because of too much happiness. Dean is clearly not the only parent in the family that needs to show their children his love with physical affection.</p><p>Having both managed to wrestle the twins into their jackets, they’re finally ready to leave the house and embark into the delightful adventure of running errands on a Saturday with two two year old babies.</p><p>“We also need to go buy diapers and baby formula, Dean, let’s not forget.”</p><p>“Mmmm, yeah, talk dirty to me, Papa.”</p><p>Dean realizes his mistake when Cas turns slowly around from where he was adjusting Cat’s jacket collar so it didn’t pull her hair and fixes Dean with his smolder.</p><p>“Don’t be a brat, my farm boy. Or you will not be rewarded tonight.”</p><p>And just like that Dean is beyond hot and bothered and wishes it was 9 pm already and the errands had been run and the kids fed, bathed and put to bed, because he really, really, really wants to be rewarded.</p><p>They know they won’t be able to be this open for much longer, with the twins growing up. But they’re still – <em>always</em> – so attracted to each other that they’re both going to do that for as long as they can. And then they’ll stop talking about it or referring to it in front of the children, but they’re going to keep doing it behind closed doors. They’re going to keep doing it <em>a lot.</em></p><p>Their sex life was basically non existent the first six months after the adoption, both too tired and sleep deprived, while the kids fell into what has by now become their regular routine. It started going better when the kids started to sleep for longer after dinner and before waking up in the middle of the night. That’s when Cas and Dean, after spending a few weeks catching up on some much needed sleep, started allowing themselves to have some quality time as a couple. At first, they would exchange quick handjobs and blowjobs, in the fear that one of the twins would wake up and cockblock them before one, or both of them, could find release – which happened more than once and totally ruined the mood. In time, they got back to having a more regular sex life, Cas taking his time to open up Dean before sliding into him for some lovemaking that could be as sweet as it was rough at times, depending on the mood of the day. They both discovered they had a kink for Cas keeping Dean quiet with his tongue down his throat or his hand on his mouth to avoid him being too vocal and wake up their children. They still both have a thing for sex during their morning shower, before Cat and Will wake up, and Dean finds it endlessly hot that his husband can be both the man who fucks his face roughly after ordering him to his knees at 7 and the doting father who plays pickaboo with their twins to keep them entertained while he changes their diapers at 7.30 – as per their agreement: the one who gets a blowjob in the shower also gets to change diapers while the other warms up the bottles for breakfast. They sealed that agreement with a kiss after the umpteenth time Will decided that peeing on one of his dads was the greatest idea. The urban legend that changing a girl is less risky than changing a boy? <em>Not</em> an urban legend.</p><p>Truth be told, Dean has a thing for any kind of sex that allows him to see his husband’s tattoo, and he suspects Cas does too. Maybe that’s why Dean loves being on his knees in the shower, because Cas is naked and wet and Dean can keep his eyes on his husband’s rib cage while his cock slides down his throat. Maybe that’s why Cas always wants Dean on his back when they have time to make love on their bed, so he can push inside his husband and alternate between watching his cock being swallowed by Dean’s ass, kiss his lips, and kiss, suck and lick his left pectoral, just above his heart, where Dean’s tattoo is.</p><p>The matching tattoo was the gift they decided to give each other for their wedding. When Cas suggested it, Dean honestly thought he was fucking with him. But he wasn’t. He really, really wasn’t. Remembering a conversation with Charlie from years ago, he suggested they should have the word ‘Destiel’ tattooed, as the most permanent symbol of the two of them becoming one. Dean got so choked up that he could only nod like a moron while he tried not to cry like a baby and his hands were grappling at his fiancé shoulders and arms in a silent plead for physical touch, which Cas delivered right away, as he always does.</p><p>But if Dean thought that would be the end of the surprises Cas had in store for him for their wedding, he was proved wrong <em>big time</em>.</p><p>As much as the ceremony and the reception were absolutely perfect, both of them dashing in their suits and happy like they had never been, surrounded by friends and family that couldn’t have been happier for their happy ending, which was really just a beginning, nothing compared to their first dance.</p><p>Cas had outright declared that was the one thing he wanted to have unconditional power over. Anything else, he gladly left to Dean, their mothers, fathers, brothers, and friends. He wasn’t the little bit interested in any other choice that was being made. “As long as you’re there and I get to marry you and you are happy and our families and friends are there, I will be happy.”</p><p>“But you’re not giving me even the tinies hint about our first dance.”</p><p>“I’m not.”</p><p>“Cas, it won’t be like...some waltz or something, right? You know I can’t dance for shit. If that’s what you’re going for, you <em>must</em> give me a chance to take some classes.”</p><p>“I would never put you on the spot like that, my amazing boy. Trust me when I say that you will only need to let me gather you in my arms and listen.”</p><p>That’s how Dean found himself following his husband of two hours to the dance floor for their first dance as a married couple, anticipation turning his stomach into a slipknot, and gratefulness filling his heart for the secure hold his husband was keeping on his hand while he was leading them to the center of the dance floor.</p><p>There, with all the people that mattered to them watching, Dean felt his heart stop for a moment when he heard the first notes of <em>Head over Feet</em> by Alanis Morrissette start playing.</p><p>The little proud yet slightly insecure smile Cas had on his beautiful face prompted Dean to tighten his hold on his husband’s back, a silent confirmation that he was <em>ecstatic</em> Cas was doing this for him.</p><p>His eyes never leaving Dean’s, Cas started swaying on the spot, taking Dean along for the ride. Cas had been right, they really didn’t need dancing classes for this. They were barely moving.</p><p>Ignoring the presence of dozens of people around them, Cas started to serenade his husband with his gravelly voice that was really not the best for this song and he was clearly so emotional he also went off key on a couple of occasions. But none of that matter to Dean, this was the most perfect moment of his life. Especially when his husband sang the lines that were clearly more significant – for him, for them, for their story – with intent. When he sang that “I had no choice but to hear you, You stated your case time and again”, Dean couldn’t help feeling proud for taking the first step and not giving up on them in spite of the odds not being in his favor; when Cas sang that “You treat me like I am a princess, I'm not used to liking that”, Dean’s laugh was impossible to stop, like the tears of joy leaving his eyes, their running joke about Dean being the farm boy to Cas’s princess bride, which was quite on point on this particular day, at the forefront of both their minds.</p><p>When Cas started singing the chorus with a glint in his eyes and a significant look directed at his husband, Dean’s intake of breath was equally unstoppable. While Cas poured all his love to make up for his lack of singing talent while he told Dean that “You've already won me over in spite of me, And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet, And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are, I couldn't help it, It's all your fault,” Dean understood with absolute clarity that <em>this</em> was how Cas had planned to confess his love to Dean. That the split-second decision Cas had made after Balthazar had taken that chance from him, when he claimed that he might take it back “one day”, was about this very moment. Cas had decided there and then that, if it couldn’t be the song he confessed his love with, it would be the first song they’d dance as a married couple. Dean’s heart was barely able to contain all his love and devotion for the man who was keeping him safe in his arms when that realization hit. Cas had already been thinking about marrying him that day.</p><p>It didn’t take long for Dean to understand that Cas had opted for that song because it not only allowed him to declare his love, but also to offer an apology, one that Dean didn’t feel like he owed him, but that Cas did.</p><p>Love was joined by regret when he sang that “Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole, You're so much braver than I gave you credit for” and that “You are the bearer of unconditional things, You held your breath and the door for me, Thanks for your patience”. And when Cas dropped his gaze for the first time and his voice wavered when he whispered more than he sang “You're the best listener that I've ever met, You're my best friend, Best friend with benefits, What took me so long?”, and then raised those forget-me-not blues to plead forgivenees, Dean couldn’t help but cut his husband off with a searing kiss, which prompted the people in attendance to clap and whistle, oblivious as they were of the emotional turmoil the two of them were going through.</p><p>“I love you, Cas.”</p><p>“I love you too, Dean, I’m s-“</p><p>“Don’t you <em>dare</em> finish that sentence, husband.” Dean tried to take away some of the steam of his sentence with a fond smile and a peck to Cas’s plush lips, while also noticing that people had started filtering into the dance floor to enjoy the end of the song and the many more that would undoubtedly follow – Charlie had been put in change of the playlist, supervised by a more level-headed Sam to make sure she wouldn’t go overboard.</p><p>“You have nothing to apologize for.”</p><p>“I still can’t believe I ever thought,” Cas replied while Dean was busy kissing his forehead and the tip of his nose, “that you’re a bad person and-“</p><p>“And nothing,” another peck to his husband’s lips for good measure was in order. “You had your reasons. <em>Good</em> reasons to be guarded. And you did give me a second chance, a real one, and look at us now,” Dean said while pointedly using the hand that wasn’t busy keeping a secure hold around his husband’s waist to indicate the wedding reception around them. “I would have waited much much longer for you, Cas, if you’d needed me to.” Kissing his husband’s – his <em>husband’s </em>– lips again seemed like the right thing to do. So he did. They could both use the reassurance. And Dean had grown damn fond of that mango and coconut chapstick Cas had developed an obsession for. “And in any case we’re past all that, aren’t we?”</p><p>“Yes, Dean, my love, yes of course we are.”</p><p>“Good,” Dean replied with a smile, before making sure to tell his husband how much he loved the choice of that song for their first dance.</p><p>“It’s simply perfect for us, for our story.”</p><p>“It is, isn’t it?”</p><p>From that day forward <em>Head over Feet</em> became their song, and it never failed to turn them into two gigantic saps whenever they heard it play, no matter where they were and what they were doing. And when Cat and Will joined the family, it also somehow became the twins’ lullaby.</p><p>“Dean?”</p><p>His husband’s voice drags Dean back to reality. A reality where Zeus in now on the couch and Queeny is using him as a mattress, Cas has managed to put Cat in her stroller and she’s playing with her bunny plushie, while Will is still in Dean’s arms and is trying to see if he can put his whole fist in his mouth.</p><p>“Where were you, love?” Cas asks, getting closer.</p><p>“In the shower first, and then of course I thought about our tattoo, so the wedding, and the song,” Dean replies, not missing a beat. His inability to reply with anything but the most complete honesty to his husband’s questions is so legendary by now that no one even tells Dean what they got Cas for his birthday or Christmas anymore, because they know there is just no way Dean will not tell him.</p><p>The fond look and even fonder smile and the kiss on the forehead he gets in reply make Dean think that all those people can <em>suck it</em>, because Cas is more than happy with Dean’s honesty and that is all that matters.</p><p>“The sooner we get these errands out of our way, the sooner we can come back home and busy ourselves with a few of those things, if you want.”</p><p>“I want,” Dean replies with what he <em>knows</em> is the same puppy dog eagerness he had the first time he talked to Cas at the conference.</p><p>“My god, you’re adorable.”</p><p>“‘m not adorable,” Dean pouts.</p><p>“Yes, you are. Now, shall we?”</p><p>‘Shall we?’. His favorite sentence. Jesus Christ, Dean loves this man with all he is and all he has.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Their Saturday afternoon running errands goes surprisingly smoothly, both children in a good mood and in good health – no teething going on at the moment, no tummy aches and the like – that they’re not fussy in the slightest. This allows their parents to tick all the items off their list and everyone who meets them to fall prey of the twins’ irresistible charm.</p><p>They get back home in time for the kids’ pre-dinner nap, which is mandatory. Cas and Dean often joke about the kids being biologically Dean’s, even though they both have blue eyes very much like Cas’s, because they share his tendency to become absolutely unbearable if they don’t sleep when they need it.</p><p>While the kids sleep, Cas focuses on tidying up and taking care of their two four-legged children’s dinner, while Dean takes care of dinner for both the big and the tiny humans.</p><p>After dinner, they each bath a child, dress them in their footed pajamas – the solution to prevent Will from taking off his socks and getting cold during the night – and put them down for the night. As usual, Cat and Will are read a story, which never fails to make them go out like a light. Tonight it’s Cas’s turn, and he opts to read from <em>Good night stories for rebel girls</em> “because it is important that both our daughter and our son become feminist, Dean.” Dean couldn’t agree more.</p><p>Once the kids are asleep, they can finally take a shower together and share a million kisses while their joined hands offer a tight tunnel for their cocks to press together and slide into, until they swallow each other’s cries of pleasure and hold each other’s shoulders as tight as they can with the arm not busy jerking them off. No matter how they have sex, they can never, ever give up the physical closeness. It’s like they’re trying to make up for lost time by never being physically apart more than strictly necessary.</p><p>When they finally get in bed, they both fall asleep quickly, the exhaustion of yet another day as parents of two very active two year old children, not to mention the bliss caused by their recent orgasm in the shower,  catching up to them instantly.</p><p>They’re awoken by Will crying a few hours later. That’s not his fussy crying, that’s his ‘I had a bad dream or something else equally disturbing happened and I want one of my dads to hold me’ crying.</p><p>Dean’s already getting up when a hand on his shoulder stops him.</p><p>“Stay, I’ll get him.”</p><p>Dean lies back down, unable to go to sleep right away when his son is still crying. As soon as Cas’s voice telling him “Hello, sweet love, you’re alright, Papa’s here,” can be heard through the baby monitor though, Will’s crying changes into quiet sniffing.</p><p>Dean’s smile is automatic when he hears Cas humming <em>Head over feet </em>and he has to get up and go to the other room when his husband starts singing to their son in hushed tones.</p><p>What Dean sees makes him feel like the luckiest man in the world.</p><p>Cas is singing</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You've already won me over in spite of me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I couldn't help it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's all your fault</em>
</p><p> </p><p>with a soft smile on his face, while Will has both of his tiny hands on his Papa’s face and is watching him with his big, blue eyes trying to catalogue what everything on Cas’s face <em>is</em> and <em>does</em>.</p><p>When his husband notices him he stops singing to tell him “He’s stopped crying but he doesn’t seem to want to go back to sleep any time soon.”</p><p>Dean sighs. Goodbye to having the master bed all to themselves.</p><p>“Alright, you bring him to our room, I’ll get Cat.”</p><p>Cas’s frown conveys his confusion as to why they should have their daughter sleep with them too, seeing as she’s miraculously kept sleeping through all this.</p><p>“Do you want to be the one to deal with her tomorrow morning when she realizes we let Will sleep with us but not her?”</p><p>Even in the darkness, Cas’s horror is unmistakable on his face. “God, no.”</p><p>“Thought so,” Dean chuckles while collecting Cat from her crib.</p><p>They’re soon relocated in the master bedroom and a few moments of silence pass before Dean’s forced to huff a small laugh.</p><p>“What now?” Cas asks with a sleepy tone bordering on annoyed.</p><p>“Queeny just jumped on the bed and curled up on my feet.”</p><p>Cas only sighs and comments “Let’s just hope Zeus doesn’t decide to join the party.”</p><p>“Yeah”</p><p>“For being as monogamous as we are, our bed sure is crowded,” his husband adds with a light, clearly pleased tone.</p><p>“What can I say, Cas? We’re lucky like that.”</p>
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